To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

[User982778]

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

Can you partition the larger room so the dss both get their own space but are still technically sharing?

Agree the youngest needs to be out of your room.

That was a thread a few weeks ago with the exact same dilemma if anyone can find it that will hold your answers. .

YANBU at all. Your DS needs his own room. Your DSS can share for 2 nights a week. Also has your DH considered that at 17 DSD could potentially be heading off to uni soon so wouldn't be spending nights there every week

The step sons should share, they presumably have rooms of their own at mum's.

At nearly 18 surely your SS is going to be spending more time out with mates and working a student or full time job so won't want to be traipsing from one family home to another in the week?

I would imagine that, if the step sons have their own rooms in their mother's house, they are saying things along the lines that they simply don't want to uproot every week and go and spend 2 nights at your place sharing a room but would rather just stay where they are full time. So would I in their position.

I think it's important for step children to feel welcome, but I also think it's important for small children to have their own bed to go to if they are still co-sleeping, so they have a choice about it.

Is it possible your DH is just panicking a little? It's a big change and he wants his children to be happy.

You could put DSD in the smallest room, your child in the middle and DSSs in the biggest. However, if DSD moves out you'd then have to either move your DC into the biggest room and DSSs have the smaller ones, or try to work out which DSS gets the tiny room.

Yes, it would be nice for a child doing exams to have their own room, but children have coped with sharing rooms and revising for years. And if it's just two nights a week, he presumably has space to revise at his mum's.

"And if it's just two nights a week, he presumably has space to revise at his mum's."

Unless there's also a new half-sibling there who has to have their own room.

He really is being completely ridiculous! No way would I be paying 50% of a mortgage to share a room with a DC, when there are empty bedrooms 5 nights out of 7.

Why do the stepkids need their own rooms if they're only there 2 nights a week? Don't they have their own rooms at their primary home?

Your husband is being selfish, your youngest lives there full time, he deserves his own room not to have to keep sharing while the other rooms stand empty most of the time.

Do your stepchildren have their own rooms at their mum's house?

I think you need to make sure he doesn’t get the smaller bedroom either. DSD in the smallest because she’s only there 2 nights a week, DS in second smallest and then DSS in the next room as there is two of them.

By the time the loft conversion is complete the older stepkids will be 17 and 19, does your husband intend for them all to have their own room into adulthood?

Of course your DH is right to be mindful of potential resentment or jealousy his older children may feel knowing your DS gets to spend every night with their Dad and they only get 2 nights a week

Sadly, separated families are a fact of life but this doesn’t mean the OP’s son is penalised because his parents are together?

Here it is: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5322907-another-bedroom-one-disagree-with-dh-aibu

I think a 15 year old needs his own space more than a 3 yo

Surely your sex life also impacted by sharing with a 3 year old. It's just bizarre that he wants that to continue for another 18 months.

He has his own space. In his other home. DS3 needs his own space somewhere

Will the 17 year old SD be going to university in September this year, or next? Just wondering if she will be moving out anyway, and only home in holidays.

Absolutely not when the room would only be used 2 nights a week. Really unfair on your own child not having a bedroom whilst 3 would sit empty more than half the week. Plus i’m surprised they all still sleep over 2 nights at that age. Maybe that’s what your DH is worried about, but that’s natural and likely would happen anyway. I doubt you’ll have to do an extension as they will probably just start to pop over soon and not stay the night. You’ll have to put your foot down here.

For gods sake. Your DH is being ridiculous! Stepdaughter may not even need her own room in a few years if she moves out.

Give your 3 year old his own room! You shouldn’t be sharing a room still at this age. It’s ok co sleeping but he still needs some space to read and play!

Yeah, that is entirely possible. Or he and his brother might share at their mum's (I shared as a child and teenager and hated it, but sometimes it's unavoidable). I guess what I'm saying is he's not at his dad's the majority of the time, so space to study is less essential than if it was his main home

I think the risk is that the DSS will start to not want to come and stay. I wonder if that is what your husband is worried about?

Tell the DSC that when the loft conversion is done there will be a good sized room and a small shower room up there and that one of them will be in line for it, - but only if they carry on the current arrangements until that happy day dawns.

Why don't you give everyone their own bedroom and you & DH sleep in the living room? And no sex until you have a room to yourselves with no chance of being interrupted?

Ffs, I shared a room with 2 siblings until I left home at 19. Your husband is ridiculous