To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

[User982778]

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

Cautionary tale - friend of ours didn't evict their toddler from their bedroom. Aged 10, he is still in their room and cannot be convinced that he should be in his own room. I suspect this will resolve once he properly hits puberty. It has been a rod they made for their own backs, but a hugely challenging one for their own lives as a couple.

Mine would hate to share at that age. The teenage years are hard and sharing makes it worse.
So in that sense I understand they would like to have a bedroom each.
And I'm sure your dh feels guilty for only having them 2 days a week .
I would just get the attic done ASAP so they don't have to share to long.
Unless you are hoping by that time they won't want to be staying anyway and the idea never happens

I wouldn't even entertain the discussion and make it clear your child WILL have their own room in the new house YOU are also buying, especially because your DC lives there full time and has never had a room of his own or even to share with a sibling! YOU also need your own space away from all of the DCs.

I would die on that hill.

Could be 18 minths at least before you get the loft done. Can you add a garden den room for ss as a quick fix to give them a little hang out as a compromise?

Ridiculous of your dh! At 3 you have got plenty of toys and you need space to play. He's there all the time. If your DH feels guilty it's misdirected. He's youngest seems to be forgotten.

your ds needs his own room. We put sd in the box room here - those that are in the house more need more space

You shouldn’t have bought a house that doesn’t adequately house all your joint children. I know step children are annoying - I was one - several step mothers, some nice, some not - but that’s the way it is when you get together with an older man who’s already had 3 kids.

For only two nights a week they can absolutely share. It's daft having your 4 year old in your room. I can't believe you were doing that full time anyway. He could have gone in the other bedroom for most of the week then just come into your room when his half brothers were visiting.

Of course he’s being an idiot and your child needs his own room, I wouldn’t have got a House without enough rooms but absolutely someone who is there 2 nights per week should be the ones who share over the kid that has NO OTHER BEDROOM. But MN is batshit over this kind of thing and you will absolutely be the wicked witch of the west of you don’t insist your child sleeps in the cupboard under the stairs whilst your step kids ( poor kids) live in luxury!!

I can see why you feel protective over your DS, it’s really unfair that he has to share a room with you in his own and only home while two other rooms sit empty 5 nights of the week.

Do your DSS share a room at their mums home?

This would make me so mad, that I would actually consider splitting up. If he wants his kids to have their own rooms two nights a week so much, then let him pay for a house for them and you can go and live the life that you and your son deserve. You pay half the mortgage and yet you are still sleeping with a 3 year old. You have the chance to have your bedroom back, and he tells you that his kids need the rooms? Tell him that he needs to come up with a better reason other than the DSS don't want to share any more. And they are of an age where they probably won't want to keep coming for a few nights a week anyway. If he still insists, then tell him to bugger off. If you views are not heard, then what is the point.

I couldn't agree more. There was a recent thread exactly like this. It's absolutely fine for DSS to share a couple of nights a week. Your DS needs a bedroom.

It's only 2 nights per week, plenty of children permanently share with siblings, it's fine.

I suspect this is the case too.

Do your DSS share a room at their mums home?

I'd be interested to know that too. But essentially, the people that live in the house 7 days out of 7 get the priority of rooms...is that not glaringly obvious??? He genuinely thinks all three permanent residents squeeze into bedroom 1 every night, leaving 3 empty bedrooms for 5 days a week?

Is he always a fuckwit?

It’s not ideal but you should prioritise each child having their own room
So essentially buy a house with enough bedrooms or do the loft conversion

It's a difficult situation.

Making stepkids uncomfortable (which they have indicated that they are if they have to share a room) is not a great plan. They aren't little, they have opinions and they've said they don't want to share. If you force them, they may not wish to stay overnight with you. I expect your DH is afraid of this scenario.

A 3yo doesn't need their own room. They are perfectly happy in with their parents.

I would leave the 3yo in with you. I don't really see the issue with 3 empty rooms 5 nights a week because the 3yo isn't in need of one. A 3yo is little more than a baby.

My dc are adult. Both were still in with us at 3yo. They liked it.

I would leave the 3yo in with you until you do a loft conversion.

Because kids, even when they become adult, can need to be with their parents for years and years and years. It's exceptionally expensive to move into their own places and just because one turns 18, it doesn't mean they just leave.

Additionally if the 15yo is studying for GCSEs, I doubt he will welcome the 12yo into his room. Plus (sorry) teenage boys can wank for england. They need their own rooms.

He’s being unreasonable.

Children that age shouldn’t be in the room when their parents are having sex.

Depending in how big bedrooms are could you create a split down one with furniture for the two older boys?

The three year old might not need his own room but his parents certainly do. Two adults and one child sharing a room in a four bedroom house, when the three other rooms are used for two night a weeks, is utterly ridiculous

If you're paying half the mortgage on this house OP then you get an equal voice along with your DH. He wants to prioritise his other kids, then he pays 2/3rds of the mortgage surely....

Absolutely this! The 3 year old should have their own bedroom in their own home. I don't see the problem with the 2 boys sharing 2 nights a week. The GCSEs will not be at risk.

whos getting the loft room?
if it’s one of the older boys they should share till it’s ready.

We recently went to Bristol to look at the house where my grandfather was born & raised to age 14, when he went off to WWI. So from 1902 onwards. There were 2 parents and eight kids in 66 square metres.

They managed. Some even were nurses, engineers and other professionals in adulthood.

Absolutely bonkers of your dh. And if the DSD is 17 surely she won’t be coming for sleepovers for much longer so a room may become available then?
Either way the child (and parents!) who live there full time deserve to have their own space.