To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

[User982778]

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

Your ds needs his own room. Dh and I share with our 2 year old dd2 at the moment until our extension is finished which is taking ages. She goes into her big sisters room and is so excited by a bedroom, my heart breaks for her she hasn’t got her own yet.

Dd1 is 10 and she couldn’t share with a 2 year old. It wouldn’t be fair on her. Dd1 is easy going and quiet, dd2 is chaos on a stick 😂

Definitely your dh ibu.

@Themaghag but they obviously didn't think about what they were going to do when they had another child

That doesn't matter. Uni kids often need to come home - more frequently than you might imagine. She needs to have the security of her room being there.

DS has returned home for his summer holiday from uni, not going back until mid September. They are home about half the year

And under 50% of young people go to uni

On the 5 nights the teens aren't there

Is there any chance you could split the largest master bedroom in half for the two DSS?

What? With tweens and teens in the house?

No. On the 5 days they aren't there.

Did you post about this before @User982778 A few weeks ago? This scenario is very similar? If it was you, replies are all saying much the same thing as you were advised then.

‘We had these conversations, lots, you’ve forgotten all of it, and I feel hurt and marginalised by you about the house I pay half for, and that our child is your lowest priority, if you suggest again that we continue to share like we have for 3 years then you will need to work out the dsc and you with two bedrooms as ds gets his own room and I’ll need my own room too.

The three things would piss me off most:

• he's led you up the garden path that he's happy with this house and the proposed set up until you've exchanged and it's effectively too late to back out and now he wants to change the plans.

• he's too weak to parent his own kids and wants you to do the thinking and cast you as the bad guy (because if you're having this conversation because SC have brought it up, he obviously hasn't pushed back independently so it will look like it's coming from you.

• as one of the adults paying for the house, he doesn't seem to care about your comfort, only the level of comfort you can provide funding for for his kids.

Children cam share they have fine so for years. I never had my own room growing up and coped perfectly well doing O and A levels. And it's only two nights a week anyway
OP your plan sounds perfectly reasonable, resist your husband's suggestion and stand your ground. You need your own room and so does your 3 year old. It makes no sense for you to share leaving three rooms empty for most of the week.

Your right if is unfair. Put your foot down

Im so confused by everyone acting like it’s shocking for siblings to share a room. There are plenty of families in 2-3 bedroom flats and houses with siblings sharing. Its not odd at all and I can’t work out why it would be so crazy for these siblings to carry on sharing. Even if all 4 were full siblings and all lived there full time it would still make sense for the two same sex siblings nearest in age to share. They should get the bigger bedroom and maybe some clever furniture if you can afford it but still - totally normal.

How far are you from their other home? Surely soon they’ll have jobs and girlfriends or boyfriends and things will change anyway?

For 2 nights a week they can share. 3year old & you/DP need your own space. It’ll be much easier to transition 3 year old when you move house and have the excitement of “wow you have your own room now” than 18months later when he’s got used to sharing in that house. Surely you’d also not have the 3year old on a separate floor in the loft conversion so you’d have to be moving SC stuff up and 3 year old would have got used to his new room being SC old room.

People who live there all the time need more space than people who live there some of the time. Especially when the people that live there some of the time have a whole other home they can move between as they feel like it.

Why do PP keep saying the DSD and older DSS will be moved out anyway soon so it won't matter?
Kids still need a room at home when they go to uni, and ideally even if they get a flat and a job, so they can come to stay and possible to live again if needed. Lots of things can happen in late teens and early 20s. If anything they need more room for a partner as well, and maybe a baby. DH should still want to have this space for them for years to come

Of course the 3 year old should have a room. Once the extension is done then the SC need no longer share so they have that to look forward to.

I can't understand your dh wanting to share with a 3 year old for another year and a half. At this rate your child will be going to school by the time he gets his own bedroom - if he is lucky.

That is too much like your DH trying to be a Fantasy Dad. Giving them everything at the expense of his DW and joint child.

No reason that the two DSS cannot continue sharing until the loft gets done or the extension. Your DS needs to have his own room so he can learn to be on his own at night.

Since you pay for half of the mortgage, YOU get say over 1/2 of the house. So, two bedrooms are yours to choose who stays in them.

Stop letting some dud control you to the point where you question what you know to be a sound decision. He should be expecting nothing from you this time.

Please, put your foot down before your DS becomes a messed up kid who cannot sleep on his own when he is 8-9-10-12-21.....

Tell him this!! Spell it out clearly.

2 nights a week the 12& 15 yo's can share.

in reality DSD will probably want to stop staying over before the loft gets converted anyway.

Oh wah! People have the right to have a child and making kids share a room isn't like keeping them in an outdoor shed or doghouse.

Give your head a shake and just STOP!

You are not being unreasonable. Your birth child needs her own room in her own house.

Tell your Dh the plan stays the same. Move your dd in from day one.

You are right and he is wrong.

They have a joint son, not a daughter.

I do agree with everything you've said. Why some posters seem to want to make it a problem is typical MN at its worst. There is nothing wrong with the two brothers closest in age to share whether the loft is converted or is not.

Ok, fair point.