To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

[User982778]

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

Nope 2 DSS can share, your 3 year old needs a room either with his sibling or on his own.

Absolutely not. For 2 nights a week your SS can continue to share. Your son needs his own room, so do you.

Why can’t the step sons share?

Thank you, I thought he'd fully lost the plot to be honest by even suggesting it!

What are the ages of the step child . But yes generally I agree with you , the two older siblings of the same sex share for now

YANBU, It's not that your 3 year needs a room more that YOU need to have adult space.

Your dh isn't prioritising your ds over his children but trying to prioritise his children over YOU.

They can and should continue to I feel, until we increase room numbers. They'd prefer not to which I'm sympathetic to but imo that should not be at the expense of me, dh and 3yo having no rooms of our own!

I often feel like he prioritises DSC over our son though. I can see that it's guilt but it hurts that he'd even consider our 3yo having no space in his own house just so DSC can have all 3 bedrooms 2 nights a week. Especially when he's finally (3yo) started to get excited about it.

3yo can have a tiny room, but you absolutely need your own room. The DSS either share with each other, or one of them shares with 3yo.

I imagine it'll be because a comments been made from one DSS or the other that they don't want to share again, which I understand. But then to DH that means frantically trying to give them that at the expense of me, him and our son too which is just ridiculous to me.

YANBU but how old are the step children ?

In terms of nights, if they stay 2 nights per week that is 104 nights a year compared to 365 for your 3 year old who lives with you both full time. The room will be sitting empty for more than two thirds of the year.

Of course the full time child gets their own room. Your Dh is being ridiculous. The extension/loft conversion may never take place. What then?

Yeah, two nights week isn’t enough to warrant their own room. You need some private space. I’m sure your husband feels guilty about not living with his three children but he’ll have to find another way to work it out.

I wouldn’t even entertain this idea. You presumably own to house 50/50 so have 50% say. He’s trying to decide 100% say on all 4 bedrooms. Nope.

YANBU. That's what would happen if they were all your children, so there's no unfairness there at all. Two siblings of the same sex and reasonably close ages sharing is far more reasonable than any other option you have.

DSD is 17
DSS's are 12 & 15

I absolutely appreciate the ideal scenario is that every child has their own room and that is what we eventually hope to achieve here but right now I feel the priority should be me, DH, and our son, no longer having to share.

If the 3 yo has slept in your room all his life he'll find it difficult to start sleeping alone, the older he gets the worse it will be. The DSS would like their own rooms, your youngest actually needs one

Your husband is being utterly ridiculous. I have two DDs with a six year age gap sharing which they hate but that's life. We have plans drawn up to add an extra bedroom which we will be costing soon but I see this as a luxury certainly not something that's essential to do

I wouldn't give your 3yo the smallest room either. That's their only room and they're there full time. The dss can definitely share the next biggest room and the dsd can have the smallest room.

He is bonkers, it must be guilt talking. But IMO he should be feeling more guilty about the idea of his youngest child having to wait til he’s what, 5 or 6 to have a room? He’ll be at school by then. Where do his clothes and books etc live at the moment?

3yo sharing with DSS's isn't really feasible either. The age gap is too large, their routines are too different in terms of bed times etc.. it just wouldn't work in practice in my opinion.

If he has his way there will be no incentive for the loft conversion

This is exactly what I've said. DHs argument is that right now 3yo would be happy to stay with us, my argument is that regardless he needs to start getting used to being in his own room, especially before we start getting to school etc..

Right now we basically just sleep in a child's room because our room is full of DS's toys and everything else!

Something else that concerns me too!

Your DH is being ridiculous, stick with original plan!

No sex till you have a private room to do it in?