Another bedroom one. Disagree with DH, AIBU?

[Georgey0]

Just wondering people's opinions on this.

We currently live in a 4 bedroom house. There is DH and I in the master, our DD 7 in 2nd room, our DS 4 in 3rd room and DSC 15 & 13 share the 4th bedroom (which is a double).

DSC stay with us 3 nights a week technically but as they have been getting older this is starting to get more flexible with some weeks it being less now.

They have been saying for a while that they wish they didn't have to share a bedroom, which I understand, but at the same time they don't stay all that often now and they do have the biggest of the rooms aside from the master which then sits empty for over half the week. I do not want DD or DS having to share a room in their only home so that two bedrooms can then sit empty for the majority of the week which seems unfair and DH does agree.

DH and I have separate finances, we pay bills jointly and anything like family holidays together but the rest is separate, inc savings.

DH has been making noises for a while about wanting to convert our loft into a 5th bedroom so that everyone can have their own rooms, he feels as though this would encourage DSC to stay more too.

I was open to the idea but we recently had someone in to do a quote and it is a LOT of work and therefore a lot of money. We could technically afford it but it would eat practically the entirety of both of our savings.

DH is still keen to proceed, I do not want to. I am not against DSC having their own rooms and if it was do able and financially viable, I would. But I don't agree that it's worth practically everything we have in our savings accounts and to be honest, I do feel a bit resentful that I am expected to fork out everything I have too so that DSC can have another room. Imo I don't believe it will make any real difference to the amount of time spent here, I don't agree it's solely down to not wanting to share, they are getting older, especially the 15 (nearly 16yo) who spends nearly every evening and weekend with friends now.

I don't think it's worth my savings to have extensive work done to the house for an extra bedroom that in all reality is probably only going to be used semi regularly for a few more years.

There is other work we could use that money for, like a new kitchen / landscaping the garden and it isn't worth it imo.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable not to want to spend my savings on this, I think he's unreasonable expecting me to without question. He says it benefits me as well because the house will ultimately be worth more with a 5th bedroom, which I appreciate but we don't intend to move anyway any time soon.

He need to treat his children equally and this isn’t equal.

I am assuming the DSC are the same sex ? If so , I don’t see a problem .

What sex are they?

Oh he is also making noises about turning a downstairs room into a bedroom too which I don't want to do either, not for a bedroom that will sit empty most of the time.

Downstairs does have two reception rooms but it's not as large as it makes it sound, the second is used as a play/family room and is semi open plan with the dining / kitchen so not able to be sectioned off and the second is the actual separated lounge which is what he is talking about using as a bedroom. But the space works well downstairs for us and I don't think the loss of the space (that we use daily!) is worth it for an extra bedroom that's barely used.

I feel like he just thinks this house is his to change about however best suits his kids and I'm expected to pay for the privilege too.

YANBU. What a waste of money, it is fine for them to share for a few days a week.

As another option, is the room they have big enough to divide in two?

Are the DSC the same sex?

3 nights a week is a high proportion of the time for them to have to share.

Rather that doing any conversion I would (for 6 months/a year) give the Step children their own room.
At your children's ages I would have them share, the step children are older and need their own space.

See how many times they stay over the 6 months, then you can make a balanced judgement.

Yes they are

Would it be cheaper to split one of the bigger rooms into 2 if that would work?

Can the room be split into 2?
Could you look at a summer house so they both have places to hang out and only have to sleep in same room at night, although summer houses can be luxurious

i think as they are the same sex and there is less chance they will spend more time at their age with you,
surely they arent going to suddenly going to want to move in permanently?

You can’t insist that your children have a room each and then put a block on that happening for his children.

Could you put the dsc in the master bedroom and partition it so they each get their own space, and you have the room they’re currently in?

If something is important for your children, it is equally important for his.

You don't mention the DSC sex. If they are different sexes I think they should have had their own rooms for years already.
How about do the loft now, splitting it 75/25, he gets a loan if he needs to. Then down the line do the kitchen with you putting up the bulk of the money?
It keeps you away from having to cut your cloth to suit the DSC and allows him to do what he needs to for his kids.

I will absolutely not be doing this. Our DC are already in the smaller bedrooms and have far more toys etc.. than DSC, they live here full time. I'm not taking their rooms from them.

I think you are being unfair. 3 nights a week is considerable time at your house. It’s their home too

Given the DSC are same sex, YANBU.

They are most likely going to stay over less often. Just say you aren’t prepared to use your savings for this.

Obviously if DSC were to move in full time, you might have to rethink it.

I feel like he just thinks this house is his to change about however best suits his kids and I'm expected to pay for the privilege too.
OP
Yeah, that's how marriage works. You create a home for your children!

You say your SC stay 3 nights a week, that's a LOT!
Can I ask why you are bothering to post if you are disagreeing with suggestions.
If you have the play room/area downstairs why not make that into a bedroom? Let your kids play in their bedrooms
Kids don't need playrooms

I've suggested this loads of times, he doesn't like the idea because one would end up without a window on one side, which I understand too but it doesn't need to be a permanent structure, even just a sliding curtain or door could work.

The room absolutely is big enough to split but there is only one window in the centre so difficult to separate with an official wall.

I am not against DSC having their own room, but I don't want to spend all of my money on doing so, I was willing to do it but the cost is significantly more than we were expecting due to the work required unfortunately.

It can often be less than 3 nights a week now too, which I don't see changing much even if they did have their own rooms.

Couldn't the younger ones share the double?

I can see this from both perspectives. You’d be spending your money on the house in a way that benefits someone else’s children.

Could a compromise be that the loft is done but all rooms are reconfigured. The two children who live there full time and have more toys get the two bigger rooms and the the two SC have the smaller rooms because they don’t need as much space for stuff? As long as their rooms are well-furnished and decorated, that doesn’t feel unfair to me considering they aren’t there as much.

It seems this isn’t their home- it’s your home and they are visiting. I would hate this because you could do something about it but have chosen not to.

I am not sure why there is an obsession about same sex DC having their own rooms these days ? It sounds like the house is big enough for someone to find a space to quietly read or whatever if they need to be on their own for a while.,
I cannot see the point in spending all the savings on a room that is barely used .

It’s chicken and egg too though, they choose to spend less time at their dad’s house because they are put as less important than the dads newer children and their experience there isn’t great due to that.

His elder children have parents who live in different houses. His younger children don't.

It's not possible for these children to be treated 'equally'. To think they can be is naiive because their situations are not the same.