To say this idea is stupid and to tell DH I don't want to entertain it?

[User982778]

For a bit of background...

Currently in a three bed house with me, DH, our 3 year old and 3 DSC (two DSS and one DSD).

Rooms are me, DH and 3yo in master, DSS sharing & DSD in 3rd room.

We wanted to move a while back but various things got in the way.

We have recently exchanged on a 4 bedroom house. Although of course a 5 bed would have been ideal, thete aren't a lot of 5 beds available in the area and this one has 4 decent size rooms with potential for a loft conversion or extension (which is our plan so that eventually everyone has their own room).

The idea was when we move in that everything stays the same with DSC but our child gets their own room and me and DH don't have to share anymore... finally.

However, DH keeps bringing up this week the idea that DSC all have their own rooms (this is no doubt what DSS would prefer) and we continue to share with 3 (nearly 4) year old until we do the conversion/ extension (hopefully within the next 18 months).

AIBU to say no? We are paying quite a big amount for this house as it's not a cheap area, we have been hyping up 3yo moving into his big boy room for ages because we knew the transition would be hard and honestly I just want my own damn room now!

DSC stay 2 nights a week and I do not want 3 of us STILL crammed in a single room together while another 3 sit empty for the majority of the week. The whole point of this move was to give us more space, not just DSC.

We have every intention of doing something to increase room numbers in the near future but I don't know when or how long that will take and I feel it's more important for us as a couple right now and 3yo to have our own rooms finally.

AIBU to say to DH I don't even want to entertain this idea now at the last min? I am so looking forward to getting my own space back and quite honestly feel like I'd resent being in a room all 3 of us again while another 3 sat empty nearly all week.

No, I don’t think you implied it was ok, just another dreadful example of separated Dad guilt

Surly it won’t be long before DSD won’t be coming? At 17 surly only occasionally would she be coming?

@WildflowerConstellations and many posters are criticising him for thinking about his first children. Bet the mum would be expected to have more rooms

How wonderful you have the money to have a house with lots of bedrooms, not everyone can afford that & the OP's DH can't, so your smug posts really aren't helping.

An 18yo doesn't need two options at the expense of a 3yo not having their own room.

I've said in my pp that I'd move the DSSs to share and have DS in his own room. I just didn't agree with PP saying the DSC won't need a room at their dad's at all once they're 18. But that wasn't under consideration from the OP anyway

I’d share with the three year old. The two teens sharing is not ideal (hearing each other wank etc)

We are really scraping the barrel of logic when it is better for a 3 year old to share a room with their parents every night and potentially get to witness their sex life, than it is for two teenage boys to skip wanking for two nights of the week in case they hear each other.

I'm sure that for the 2 nights a week that they need to share they can abstain. They have their own bedrooms at their mums. The OP/DH never have privacy & the 3 year old doesn't have his own room.

it's mad to suggest 2 teens need to have their own rooms for the 2 nights whilst ths 3 permanent residents share every single night.

I agree with you. I don't have step-children but I imagine there's variety in how long adult children want to keep staying at their dad's house. If possible, it would seem loving to keep a child's bedroom as long as they need to use it. Arrangements around sharing may need to change. And there may come a point where you can't house them any more, either because you need to move house, or for other reasons. If they do stop sleeping over, you could stop keeping a bed for them. But children transition into being independent adults at different ages. Assuming that once they're 18 you should stop providing them with any support just seems weird.

How old is DSD? Could your son go in with her until the new room is built?
You definitely need your own space now - but the fact littlun is hyped about starting out in his big boy room (which, let's face it, can be hit and miss so u dont want to rock the boat while DS is excited for it) then I would argue that last point specifically. I wouldn't be backing down on this. I'm 100% with you

OP has said she is 17. There is no way she should share with a 3yo!

The teenager having their own space is more important than you or a three year old having their own space. Yep. I said it.

Teenagers are going through a tricky period with their development. They need privacy whilst they're learning to navigate growing into adults and all that means. They're not kids, not quite adults. Emotionally, mentally and physically, it's the hardest time. They need privacy.

You're an adult. You can cope with the lack of privacy better - or should do, since you chose all of this. You're the one who chose to marry a man who already has kids, chose to have the younger child, chose to buy the new house. It's all your choice - you should live with the consequences, not the teens. If there's any impact, it should be on you, not the kids who had no choice.

Imagine being a step kid who is never fully at either parents house and being told because you're never fully at either parents house, you're never entitled to your own room, own place in either family, or ever being a priority over their new little darling with their new darling family.

Why do people hate step kids so much. Don't marry people with kids if you don't want to respect them.

The older kids get their own rooms. The youngest doesn't need it yet - and if that impacts on you, well, so be it. Shouldn't have had another kid then, deal with it. Share with your child, maybe it might mean you speed up getting the extra bedroom a little when you're the one having to deal with it (as you should).

https://people.com/woman-refuses-giving-her-stepkids-own-bedrooms-11733543

This is all very silly. There is no reason children with any combination of parents can’t share a room. If there are 4 bedrooms and 6 people someone is sharing and it only makes sense to have 3 in a room if there are already 2 in every other room. Larger families share rooms - or smaller families who live in smaller spaces. No one is suggesting to kick children out or get rid of their beds, just to continue sharing a room - it’s not abusive or unwelcoming at all

Leaving aside the ridiculousness of two adults sharing with a preschooler unless there is truly no other option, the child needs somewhere for their toys and clothes and they will need a space for play dates and whatnot too. Is he meant to walk past 3 mostly empty rooms into a room he shares with two arguing adults every night? It would be really cruel to do to this poor child who also didn’t ask for this situation.

This is such a nasty, bitter little rant.
How about you imagine being the younger child, who didn’t choose to be born, who didn’t choose to have older siblings who are treated as the golden children who apparently must be the priority of all adults in all places at all times.
Why do some people hate some kids so much? Why do people put some children’s needs and welfare and passing whims on a pedestal while other kids can just put up and shut up - don’t deserve space to exist in their own mothers home anyway.

Is there anyway the two boys could share the biggest bedroom and you put some sort of partition up so that they have privacy? My friends are a blended family and they did this for their girls, one of whom spent part of the week at her dad’s house, and it worked absolutely fine.

I remember when I was a bratty little kid (!), my parents were planning to move to a new area and I hated the idea so they bribed me by telling me I could have a budget to decorate my new room my way. It wasn’t much at all but back then I was young enough to be impressed. Maybe tell the boys they can do similar when you get round to the loft conversion, As long as they behave themselves now, of course!

it seems ridiculous that you would be expected to share your bedroom with a child when there is a room lying empty for some of the week. Stick to your guns, your husband is the unreasonable one here although I am sure that is probably all down to wanting to do everything he can for his boys.

Not only a room lying empty but 3 rooms lying empty!