Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

[BoldAmberDuck]

Tell me if I’m being awful. I have lost a stone recently but my husband is significantly much more overweight and it really annoys me to see him still eating crisps, sweets etc and not caring. It’s been really hard going and I feel like I need some support and encouragement. I’m making healthy meals but he just snacks afterwards. He laid on the sofa with his belly out and it physically repulsed me. Feels like he’s being deliberately unpleasant and unsupportive. Or should I just think it’s up to him if he wants to carry on being obese?

Why have you been losing weight recently? Have you just realised you're overweight and want to lose some? So a little while you were like your DH, not bothered and suddenly because you are, he has to be too otherwise he's repulsive.

You don't sound like you like him at all.

I mean you can't force someone to lose weight who doesn't want too. It's a mental and emotional battle to lose weight, and you have to be ready and actually want to do it.

Did you plan to do it together? If not, maybe hes okay with it at the moment.

The belly comment is abit harsh. I assume your hardly super model level yourself OP.

Me and DH have tried dieting together before and it's never worked. Just focus on your own goals and leave him to it. If he's not in the right frame of mind to diet you can't force it.

Why do you think he’s being deliberately unpleasant? Had you both spoken about losing weight and decided you wanted to do it, and now he’s pulled out?

Do you feel him eating crisps etc. around you is unsupportive? Or is it something else?

We are both diabetic and doctors advice to both lose weight. Yes I guess I am being harsh. Think I was hoping he would join in and lose too. Sticking to a diet is so difficult. I’m no oli painting I know. One more stone to go.

No im definitely not super model. I just hoped he would want to do it too

He doesn’t have to diet and try to lose weight just because you’re doing that.

Also, you’ve only lost a stone so far and this is clearly quite a recent thing - how do you know it’s going to stick?

I thought he would stop eating crisps and stuff as we both need to lose weight so I feel it’s unsupportive to still do it openly in front of me and it felt like he was being deliberately proud of the fact he’s not bothered by having his belly on show.

Thank you, think that’s what I needed to hear

Hopefully it will stick but it’s so hard to do

Well done on your loss, OP, and keep on working at it. It’s hard, and it’s a lifetime determination.

Your DH isn’t ready yet and no amount of you being ready will influence him.

Be a bit careful with how you motivate yourself. It’s sounds as though you’ve used dislike of your obesity to drive you, and of course that is spilling over to dislike of his obesity.

Try and focus on positive benefits to you- less tired, easier to move around, less medication etc. That’s better for you and more sustainable, as well as potentially motivating for him.

DM has been obese most of her life with occasional years of being merely overweight. She’s now managed to be a healthy weight for about 5 years, which is an amazing achievement. However she’s being really nasty about everyone who isn’t. Despite having spent most of her life just like them.

So embrace the positive and be pleased you are in the right place to lose weight. Be empathetic to everyone who isn’t yet.

Shame creates resistance so if he’s feeling any shame on any levell (and from the way you write about him, I suspect he does) about his weight then that resistance will inevitably lead to an increase in whatever made him overweight in the first place.

Has trying mounjaro or something similar been discussed?

Well done on losing a stone of weight.

I work in a clinic for diabetic complications, 95% of our patients are male type 2 diabetics (type ones don’t survive to need us)

They’re just really hard to reach with health advice.

Yes you’re right. No mounjaro is not available on NHS in our area . Hoping one day it might be but obviously if I can stick to my weight loss I might be able to not need it. I don’t think he would be happy to try it. I wish we had both started to keep our weight under control years ago so we probably wouldn’t now be diabetic. I don’t want to make him feel shame at all, he’s a really nice man and I don’t want him feeling bad

Yes I think he’s sort of ignoring it and just takes whatever tablets he’s prescribed and expects to be ok

The way you talk about your husband is really unpleasant. Are you sure there are no underlying issues here?

No im not being unpleasant at all and no underlying issues apart from concern for our health

You refer to him as unpleasant and repulsive - that’s such an unkind way to speak about someone you love.

@FormerlyPathologicallyHappy I agree with that- many women will usually take some action once it’s clear they are really at risk of complications- so many men are utterly pig headed- I would stop having a sex life OP - that might refocus his mind and yes given he clearly is diabetic he should be supportive and make adjustments himself too if he cares about being around for you - I totally disagree with others saying things like ‘bet you are no oil painting either’ that’s irrelevant, you are trying and taking action - and to be honest who wants to see big fat belly’s on display - and I say this as someone on WLI and attempting to lose 4 stone .

I think you are being very unpleasant and it's all centered around you worrying that you might not be able to stick to your diet, while he's eating foods you miss.

You need to accept that your weight problem is your own, and there'll always be people eating what you can't.

When I gave up smoking 20 years ago, I had to accept that others around me would still be doing it, even though I was craving nicotine really badly.

It's only when I accepted that, that I was able to kick the addiction.

Thank you!!! I’m already regretting this post as so much negativity. Good luck with your weight loss, it’s so hard isn’t it x

Repulsive is a strong word. Wonder whether he felt that way about you when you were a stone heavier?

Well done on your weight loss OP.
But I have to say, how would you feel if it was the other way around and he posted this? I wonder if theres a bit of “hanger” here? I understand - I got like that when I lost a lot of weight. I was almost envious of the food others were eating even though I was thrilled with my results and I started to look down on people almost. It’s not nice.

I don’t think I said he’s unpleasant? I said he’s a nice man

So do you and your partner not have sex currently?