Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

[BoldAmberDuck]

Tell me if I’m being awful. I have lost a stone recently but my husband is significantly much more overweight and it really annoys me to see him still eating crisps, sweets etc and not caring. It’s been really hard going and I feel like I need some support and encouragement. I’m making healthy meals but he just snacks afterwards. He laid on the sofa with his belly out and it physically repulsed me. Feels like he’s being deliberately unpleasant and unsupportive. Or should I just think it’s up to him if he wants to carry on being obese?

Just going to throw my experience in here, DP and I are a nightmare for takeaways and junk food, always have been.

I suppose I am a yoyo dieter always lose 1.5 stone and then gradually put it back on over a couple of years and then lose it again.

I always got frustrated with DP when he wouldnt stick with something longer than a couple of days! Then realised I would need to do it for myself and he can ask to join if wanted.

DP has epilepsy but up until earlier this year he hadnt had a fit for 11 years (part of his greed is actually the fact he’s on steroid based medication that makes him hungry), but his unhealthy lifestyle unfortunately caught up on him and he had a fit a few months ago. He bit his tongue so bad he could only drink protein shakes for a couple of weeks and dropped 2.5 stone, since then he’s been much much healthier and we’re doing it together, which does make it so much easier!

My point is, I’m not sure what will kick your DH’s backside into gear, but diabetes doesnt seem to be it and until he wants to do it for himself you wont be able to make him.

But OP only bothered to make changes a month ago, and presumably her DH has been eating the way he is for a while.

He's not suddenly turned repulsive and unpleasant just because she's started a diet

I would keep modelling good behaviour, cooking healthy but tasty meals and I'd try to limit snacks in the house if possible and if you do have snacks buy single portion not family size. Also, perhaps get into the habit of going for a walk around the neighbourhood together in the evening after dinner without making it a chore, a nice stroll and chat is a good way to get exercise without feeling like it's exercise.

Unless I've missed something, I don't think OP said she couldn't have one packet of crisps if she fancied one? Being on a diet doesn't rule out having the odd treat.

(Edit: actually, scratch that, I've just realised it was a family pack of crisps!)

When the person you love lets themselves go and does nothing to fix it - they can start to look repulsive to you! It’s hard (not to mention extremely frustrating) to sit back and let them get bigger and more unhealthy. Well done OP!

I think people are being a bit harsh, you're doing well and trying hard because the doctors told you both you're making yourselves seriously ill. You've taken the lead and are planning healthy meals and he's then eating sharer packets of crisps to himself in front of you. I think if you were only doing it for vanity reasons that's one thing, but he's actively damaging himself permanently.
Sadly, you can't make him do it. I'm surprised he does it so blatantly in front of you, it's almost rubbing your face in it. I wonder if he needs counselling to realise this is serious. If you have kids I'd be having a really serious chat. Myself and my husband are on a health kick because we want to be around for our kids and grandkids and we want an active and fun retirement, I'd be so disappointed if he didn't see that as a worthwhile goal.

I really understand where you’re coming from OP. I’ve really struggled with my weight for about 8 years now. I hate how large I am and I hate my compulsion to eat. I’ve confided this, and more, to my husband and have asked him multiple times to help me/support me. I don’t necessarily want him to diet as such but if he would just not bring junk food into the house and helped with healthy meals, but he doesn’t seem to want to help. It makes me sad, and I wish he would change heart because in all other realms of life he supports me.

so, a long way of saying that I know how much that support means and how much easier it would be if he joined in (even if only for the
food consumed in the house).

All you can do is focus on yourself, be clear on your goals and motives and push on!

Ask him if he fancies having a stroke, heart attack, not to mention everything else, form being obese. Nothing good every comes of it I’m afraid, well done for loosing the weight, you will feel so much better long term!

Read my last paragraph again.

I think you're using DH as a crutch to blame, if or when your diet fails.
I can understand that you want him to be healthy.
Just do you, he'll either follow suit or you'll divorce, either way, he has to choose to take the steps in getting healthy.
Mentioning that his belly repulsed you, would work.
Has he asked you to put him on a diet? I'd rather he ate a heavier meal, extra potatoes, veg and meat over crisps.

Pretty harsh?!

Looking at some of the responses in this thread, you can really tell who struggles with their weight and who doesn't.

Obesity is an ACTUAL disease, and I've only just figured that out for myself after 45 years of living on this earth.

What most slim people do not understand is that for many overweight people, there is a constant noise in their head screaming that they need to eat all the time. Unless you are super full up, that noise is there 24/7. Throw in the dopamine hit from junk food, and it's a recipe for disaster.

I've done it all, slimming world, cambridge diet etc... and the food noise has always been there, whispering to me "let's get Papa John's tonight". The only thing that helped up until recently was a VLCD, like Cambridge Diet. Being in Ketosis was a game-changer. I kept my weight manageable (mostly) for around 5 years after dropping 4.5st on VLCDs.

Of course, in recent years it's crept back up, so around 3 weeks ago I started on Mounjaro.

Within two hours of my first jab, the food noise stopped. For the first time in my life, my brain was silent. You would not believe the relief. Genuine, relief. Those of you who have never suffered with constant food noise have no idea what that's like.

I had no idea I had a problem, until suddenly, the problem disappeared.

I wish I could convey how this feels in a better, more expressive way to you. Oh the relief!

With the absence of the food noise being my constant companion, I now understand that obesity is an actual disease.

@BoldAmberDuck - If you can afford it, just get your husband to buy it online and go for it.

my two-penneth on this…

assume you can afford lots of take away? Our family budget certainly couldn’t and so we do make everything from scratch. Useful to tot up how much is spent and show that £££ x? a week x 52 weeks a year = !!!

don’t buy things in. Do an online shop, so you don’t have temptation in the house.

and don’t “diet” for meals, what I mean is e.g. make a huge healthy homemade curry, lots of veg and brown rice, fill up his plate so he doesn’t snack. Offer him seconds even. Then if still hungry put a bowl of something like full fat Greek yogurt and fruit with seeds. (Don’t buy low fat as sugar content and other processed nasties…). Fill up on good stuff so no snacking happens.

do some exercise together even if it is just going for a walk. Exercise is as important if not more so than what you eat.

once you look good he will feel like he needs to keep up anyway as you will be getting so many compliments 😉

What do you mean don’t survive to need you? Plenty of the population are type one diabetic please think before writing these things (especially as a diabetic professional?!)

As a type 1 diabetic that’s not very nice to read, I maintain a healthy weight and try my damnest at having as good of control as possible. Iv had it for 16 years now, had two healthy children in that time. I know not related to the thread but not nice to read a flippant comment like that

Thank you for also noticing this, what a mean spirited thing to say and shocking from a “professional”

Extremely bad. 95 percent type two probably because it’s more prevalent and more often related to lifestyle choices anyway

I didn't read that as harsh at all.

Around 70% of diets fail so the poster is just being realistic.

They didn't say the OP would fail, just that she needs to consider how's she's treating her DH incase she does.

What do you want him to do, hide in the bathroom with a tube of Pringles?

Maybe take some responsibility for his health, as a grown man?

Once he sees you thriving in your new mentality it might help him. My husband quit vaping before me and I think I gave him the ick because I didn’t even try. He never once said anything tho, probably my guilt made me feel icky 😂 but I wasn’t ready. Once I realised how great he had done I realised I could do it too and joined him. When I was ready

@brunettemic My DH’s doctor has advised him to lose two stone (no health problems yet, thank goodness) and that’s exactly what he does. He buys himself snacks and keeps them in his office.

Of course the whole family knows that he does it and he’s the only one of us who’s
overweight. I can understand the OP’s frustration.

Until a couple of months ago, OP clearly had as little regard for her health as he did, so it’s unreasonable for her to be judging him now simply because he hasn’t chosen to start a health journey on exactly the same timeline as her.

Yes that would have been preferable!🤣

He’s made his decision, that’s entirely up to him. You wouldn’t be saying the same if it was a man posting to complain that his DP won’t lose weight.