Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

[BoldAmberDuck]

Tell me if I’m being awful. I have lost a stone recently but my husband is significantly much more overweight and it really annoys me to see him still eating crisps, sweets etc and not caring. It’s been really hard going and I feel like I need some support and encouragement. I’m making healthy meals but he just snacks afterwards. He laid on the sofa with his belly out and it physically repulsed me. Feels like he’s being deliberately unpleasant and unsupportive. Or should I just think it’s up to him if he wants to carry on being obese?

Some real knee jerk reactions on here. If my partner farted or picked his nose, I’d find (and call) that repulsive too (and to his face). For some people, gluttony or greed or obesity is the same.

Agree. I'd hate it.

I think part of your new mental attitude to help discipline yourself, is to see your old attitude to food as negative or unattractive. Because DH hasn't changed his attitude to food, you are seeing HIM as unattractive.
It's hard to separate the two, but you do need to. Keep your focus. Keep motivating yourself by rejecting your former ways... but don't reject DH at the same time.

Have you actually spoken open and honestly to each other about this???????

Everyone has their own struggles and a time that suits them to address them. You've chosen to do something about yours now.

What would you think if he had started a few months back and you hadn't. Imagine your joy to discover he had turned to the Internet to tell people that he found you repulsive.

Yes lots of times

Type 2 diabetics is a serious illness and it sounds as if your DH is burying his head in the sand about how his health could deteriorate if he doesn’t take action. So I understand your frustration.

Perhaps talking further about the complications associated with the disease will motivate him? I had a relative (now deceased) who had a leg amputated due to diabetics,

Well, I suspect from OP’s description that he is partly doing this to wind her up, which I would classify as as fairly repulsive behaviour (as opposed to him being a repulsive person) as is his apparent unwillingness to see that his health problems affect her too.

Incidentally, I’ve been on both sides of this, and yes being considered too fat can be very hurtful, it’s one of many reasons I’m not with my ex any more (I wasn’t even fat at the time, just not supermodel-skinny!) But that was about him wanting me to look like more of a trophy gf, whereas OP’s DH is putting his health at risk and also appears to be taunting OP with his unwillingness to get healthier. It’s very different imho.

but equally I feel I need support from my husband and encouragement on my weight loss

You're looking to an overweight person with a 'repulsive' fat belly to support and encourage your weight loss?

Just why??

If you need support and encouragement, why not buddy up with someone who is actually on a weight loss diet too?

Or maybe he just fancied a packet of crisps, and she's projecting because she can't have any?

I’m losing weight, my husband needs to but isn’t bothered by being overweight.
in the evenings, he’s sits and has crisps, chocolate, biscuits and whatever else he fancies!
I really don’t care what he eats, nor am I bothered by him eating, he’s an adult and so am I, I am not going to lecture him just because I’ve stopped eating junk!!!

@BrendaSmall is your H diabetic?

@FredoandToto I expect he did fancy a packet of crisps but there’s more to it when you’re suffering from Type 2 diabetics. It’s like an alcoholic fancying a drink- you may crave it, but it’s a really bad idea to have it!

He has to change his attitude or the OP will be pushing his wheelchair in the future.

She's only just started taking her own weight seriously. She can't expect him to do the same right on her timeline because it's annoying for her! Basically, she's being a bit of a hypocrite and the same could have been said about her just a short time ago. You can't bully people into losing weight.

I do honestly think people are losing track of the fact they are both diabetic and I doubt they are old— it’s not just a matter of a bit of a tum stuffing his face with shit - it’s the fact diabetes complications are truly dreadful if they kick in and you need to be careful constantly to keep it in check - I’ve known a guy in his mid 30s end up having to have regular injections into his eyeballs simply because he didn’t keep his blood sugars in check and maybe yes - lose some weight, do a bit of keto etc - it’s not just a matter of being fat - if OP cares of course she will want him to be supportive and she will I’m sure be so back .

Lol at him 'taunting' the OP.

He's just relaxing at home, eating what he's always eaten and what the OP used to eat before she decided to lose weight.

How on earth is that 'taunting'?

I’m with you on this OP. Seems like you’ve done the sensible thing and taken action whilst your OH is not even trying. It’s the NOT trying that would piss me off. Especially thinking long term and whether or not there will be additional health complications and you potentially having to be his carer.

@FredoandToto I know, but as I said, I can understand her frustration with him. Type 2 diabetics is a truly awful disease, I hope that he faces up to that soon.

But she's only just started trying, presumably because she was ready to do so. He might start trying tomorrow or next week or in a few months when he's ready. It's a bit early for her to write him off or even to know if she's going to stick to her new regime in the long term. It's unreasonable of her to be annoyed he isn't doing it to her timetable.

I agree. It's not that I don't think he should lose weight for his health, I just don't think the OP is being reasonable in various ways.

I amnt bothered by what people eat but I would find it incredibly difficult to be with an overweight person because of how it would affect my life - the inability to be as active , the self inflicted health problems that they are expecting me to put up with - I live with a diabetic ( not self inflicted ) and it’s a huge stress for us both - I can’t drink if we have the car in case he has sugar problems , we can’t always go out when we want if he has sugar problems , the night waking due to sugar problems - all of which we tackle because otherwise he would be looking at blindness , stokes, heart attack, amputations and an early death

but for someone to chose that life and to deliberately put their partner through it - revolting

He hasn’t got ANY timetable.

For me this is a bit like “woman rushes around kids getting them ready for school, loads up the car etc etc. Bloke looks on”

It doesn’t take a genius to see your spouse is getting their shit together and, let’s face it, becoming more attractive to figure out maybe you should self improve.

I agree.

It's like she's clicked her fingers and expects him to jump into action, because she has.

but for someone to chose that life and to deliberately put their partner through it - revolting

Both the OP and her husband deliberately chose this up until very recently.

She's decided to diet and for all we know, he may decide to soon when he gets into the right mindset.

Mounjaro has become available in my area, so far been on it a month and lost nearly half a stone. I was like your husband eating crisps thinking they were okay, but they're not really. I am enjoying the lack of food noise and appetite, and being able to eat sensibly with no sugar cravings. Perhaps if that becomes available in your area it might help your hubby.