Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

[BoldAmberDuck]

Tell me if I’m being awful. I have lost a stone recently but my husband is significantly much more overweight and it really annoys me to see him still eating crisps, sweets etc and not caring. It’s been really hard going and I feel like I need some support and encouragement. I’m making healthy meals but he just snacks afterwards. He laid on the sofa with his belly out and it physically repulsed me. Feels like he’s being deliberately unpleasant and unsupportive. Or should I just think it’s up to him if he wants to carry on being obese?

She has woken up and he hasn’t - and she has been doing this for a month now

And I've known plenty of people who've dieted for a month or two, given up and got fat again.

I was thinking this earlier.

I wouldn't advise anyone to get a bit 'holier than thou' when they're trying to give up anything, as it can be a very difficult journey.

How things could change if the OP failed but he decided to try and he suceeded.

I can only imagine the replies if he started a thread talking about his wife's 'repulsive' belly and her not wanting to diet.

I can understand why this is disappointing- it hasn’t turned out as you’d imagined. But if you crack on without him you might be surprised how quickly he catches up.

People get so high and mighty when they’ve lost abit of weight. They think they become experts at it, and they start to loathe what they themselves once were.

When you’re in the weight loss zone it’s great! But when you can’t get into that zone it’s bloody hard, you have to really want to do it. You can’t expect him to do it just because you are. You’ve obviously both been very overweight and unhealthy for a long time. Habits are hard to break.

You’re being unreasonable because you should just focus on your own weight loss. There will be temptations. You have to navigate that yourself.

If you don’t find your husband physically attractive then maybe you should reconsider being married to him.

If I found out my husband thought my body was disgusting then I wouldn’t want to be married to him any longer. Even if I lost weight and became attractive to him the thought of him not finding me attractive then would put me off. I could never be with him again.

Or possibly OP has reached a better perspective regarding her own health and wants to impart it to her DH because she loves him? This has been my experience anyway, not trying to speak for OP but just saying this happens.

It wasn’t just a packet. It was a whole 150 g large pack

My fitness has encouraged my dh, slowly but surely.

I invite him to classes or for a walk. I try not to mention losing weight too much. But he’s noticed my change in body and how toned I am and it’s working on him.

sometimes your partner can be resistant to being told what to do constantly. Even for their benefit. 🙄

also let him have his belly out! He’s at home. He doesn’t need you or him to make him feel bad about his body to lose weight. You could even give it a rub and kiss and give a compliment.

try the carrot rather than the stick

It wasn’t just a large 150g packet. It was also with his belly out.

It’s obviously repulsive on an objective level…it’s why Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances was styled the way he was.

yes, the H is a grown up… which is why it’s even more angering for the OP, I would suppose. He’s an adult making awful decisions that a child wanting junk food would make. She married an adult, not a dependent.

People get so high and mighty when they’ve lost abit of weight. They think they become experts at it, and they start to loathe what they themselves once were.

Yeah, it's like the preachy segments of vegans. It is the opposite of helpful.

Point still stands. I’m 8 stone and I still eat a whole pack of Pringles now and again. Lost 4 stone kept it off and wouldn’t thank anyone for judging my eating habits.

Yes but she's still expecting immediate action from him because she's made a decision.

If weight loss worked that way, no-one would be fat.

They'd just say "Oh, ok then" and spring into weight loss action.

But her H isn’t 8 stone, is he!

And neither was I but I am now and I still eat more crisps than necessary on occasion! Most people do. Very few people are perfect.

Yes, you’ve done something about your weight (genuine kudos), but the OP’s H hasn’t

He’s an adult making awful decisions that a child wanting junk food would make. She married an adult, not a dependent.

She's been at it for a couple of months! Presumably, she understands that junk food is made to be addictive, and, until recently, quite liked eating it, or she would never have been fat in the first place.

Just because you’ve found the motivation doesn’t mean he has. And you know he needs to want to lose weight before he can.

@FredoandToto not even if you were diabetic?!

Haven’t you talked about it? Not sure why it would annoy you if there has been no discussion about it.

I’m in the same position with my husband. I’m worried about his health and he isn’t doing anything about it. I don’t like that but he is an adult and it is his choice. I know how hard it is for me to try and change habits so I can’t fault him for finding it too hard either.

Well done on your weight loss OP. I sense you've touched a few nerves here.
You can't help how you feel, nor can you make your DH change. He has to decide to do that for himself. Just keep going for yourself. Hopefully the healthier meals that you are making will have some small impact on him, regardless of his snacking.

Of course I could be wrong. But the way OP described him lying on the sofa with his stomach out and went on to say she felt he was doing it deliberately, one does have to wonder…

The bloke's lying on his own sofa.

The OP is annoyed he's eating what she can't.

I don't imagine there's more to it than that but I guess we'll never know.

Is it type two diabetes as being overweight and carrying a lot of belly fat are leading causes of insulin resistance.

Diet is obviously an important way of controlling the condition:as a diabetic he shouldn’t be eating lots of foods high in sugar.

Uncontrolled diabetes can lead to all sorts of health issues including heart attacks and strokes.

So yes you should be annoyed he isn’t taking better care of himself.

You made a decision for yourself, he makes decisions for himself. And I’m sure as you have also been overweight you can agree that you have to WANT to change and WANT to lose weight, it doesn’t happen just because someone else starts to.

meh i hear ya OP! i'd find this super unattractive too! i'd personally not want to be with someone who didn't care they were overweight and didn;t want to do anything to sort it out! Why should you have to look at a big fat man eating junk on the sofa with his belly hanging out every evening!