Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

[BoldAmberDuck]

Tell me if I’m being awful. I have lost a stone recently but my husband is significantly much more overweight and it really annoys me to see him still eating crisps, sweets etc and not caring. It’s been really hard going and I feel like I need some support and encouragement. I’m making healthy meals but he just snacks afterwards. He laid on the sofa with his belly out and it physically repulsed me. Feels like he’s being deliberately unpleasant and unsupportive. Or should I just think it’s up to him if he wants to carry on being obese?

But that was the OP a month ago so what's the difference?

The only difference now is that she's made a start on changing herself and he hasn't.

Give it a while and he may well do, but not just because the OP has clicked her fingers at him.

Right… but until very recently this was also OP. So, hypocritical?

No I wasn’t like that a month ago. I’ve never deliberately flaunted my flabby bits and eaten whole family size packs of crisps!

Right, but you don’t get to the point of doctors advising you to lose weight by living on salad. So you did also have unhealthy eating habits?

And I honestly don’t think you can really judge how someone relaxes in their own home.

Don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve just finished off last night’s leftover crisps after reading this thread.

Pickle flavour.

Exactly

My husband has been obese, sometime morbidly, and diabetic since we met 37 years ago.

After very serious illness, though, he has recently lost a great deal of weight. Which is fantastic, obviously.

I have never, never thought of him as repulsive because I love him.

Whilst admirable, you can love someone and not love EVERYTHING about them

Exactly - its mot a diet its a life style change and the mindset needs to be there to make it permanent
OP -bear this in mind, you have started but its not a habit yet therefore you could go back, people need to be in the right mindset to make the change

Sure, but OP’s weight loss, whilst great, is hardly transformational. To be so judgemental of her loved one’s appearance so soon isn’t good.

Yes my weight has gone on gradually over the years, two stone. I’ve tried many times to lose it. Now the doctor has told us we must I guess it has motivated me more than him. He’s not taking it as seriously as I am. I truly appreciate all your responses and will be kinder in my thoughts towards him. We all know how difficult weight loss is, it’s just the wake up call to do something about it has impacted me a lot. It almost feels like sabotage when he’s eating the salads, healthy meals etc but then continues to eat junk after. Maybe I should just do my own meals and not look at what he eats? I feel as a husband he should be encouraging me and want to also look after himself for our hopefully long future together. This has actually made me feel rather disheartened and unloved as I expected he would be pleased for me but instead it feels like he’s being bloody minded about it

Well, her wording may have been harsh and I know some posters are triggered by anything about weightloss on here (I’ve always assumed because it makes them look at things head-on that perhaps they don’t want to address yet) but I don’t know anyone who looks at a large tummy and finds it expressly desirable.

The OP is clearly taking her health seriously and is finding it deeply off putting that her H is not bothering to do the same. They could have supported each other to success.

Two seperate issues. First, whether a partner is obliged to change their eating habits to support their partner? Imo, no. Your diet is personal, and you should be able to get on with it regardless of other people. You can't expect others to change to make it easier. You need to rely on your own willpower. Secondly, whether it's unreasonable to feel irritated with a partner who is continuing to behave in a way that's damaging their health, ignoring medical advice. Imo, also no. Its very difficult to empathise with someone who wont even try to improve their health, when the long term impact of that will affect your life too.

She's not being unpleasant at all. The dh is overweight, not making an effort and she doesn't find it attractive. A man who isn't invested in his own health and well-being is unappealing.

I'd actually be really angry if my DH was diagnosed with T2 diabetes and did fuck all about it, and continued to self-harm with food.

Yes, both type 2

Bit rich though when you’re also overweight yourself.

Thank you. That’s exactly how I feel

But she’s losing weight. She’s doing something about it. See the difference?

Jeez, bit of critical thinking wouldn’t go amiss on this thread.

I know right? It’s infuriating. But it’s not a reach to guess why.

Thank you. A large tummy hanging over side of sofa is unattractive in any circumstance unless you have a kink about overweight men. Not many people do. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him.

my weight has gone on gradually over the years, two stone. I’ve tried many times to lose it. Now the doctor has told us we must I guess it has motivated me more than him. He’s not taking it as seriously as I am. I truly appreciate all your responses and will be kinder in my thoughts towards him. We all know how difficult weight loss is, it’s just the wake up call to do something about it has impacted me a lot. It almost feels like sabotage when he’s eating the salads, healthy meals etc but then continues to eat junk after. Maybe I should just do my own meals and not look at what he eats? I feel as a husband he should be encouraging me and want to also look after himself for our hopefully long future together. This has actually made me feel rather disheartened and unloved as I expected he would be pleased for me but instead it feels like he’s being bloody minded about It all. Maybe he feels a bit insecure

About ten years ago me and OH both needed to lose about 3 stone. When I started I was very clear in my own mind that it made no difference whether OH decided to join me (although I would have liked him to). I didn't expect or need any support, it was something I wanted to do.

I made normal meals with smaller portions and stopped eating desserts and snacks. To start with OH continued snacking but after a month or so he saw that I was losing weight without doing anything extreme or depriving myself, and decided to join me. I didn't even suggest it, I let OH come to his own conclusions. Over the next 8 or 9 months we lost the weight we needed to (and haven't regained it).

That's all you can do OP. Keep going. It's his life, it's up to him.

But you'd made yourself fat and diabetic, no?

If you feel more comfortable pulling your top down over your stomach when you're lying on the couch, that's fine but it doesn't mean he has to feel the same.

Just leave him be and he'll either change eventually or he won't.

If he doesn't, then you have a decision to eventually make but I'd leave it until you know you can stick to your diet and continue your own weight loss.

OP, I’m not losing weight or dieting (in fact, I’m pregnant so I’m far more relaxed about my macros than I usually am) and if I looked over and saw my DH munching down with his belly out, I’d be repulsed too.

A lot of posters are saying you’re jealous of the bag of crisps. I 100% can see why that’s not necessarily true.

Pigging out glutton isn’t on the “tall, dark and handsome” list people look for when they’re dating. Why would they find it attractive now?