To wonder how anybody can call this parenting?

[Bittwrsweet]

So, my ex and I split up a year ago, granted he has the kids one night a week. However, for the time I am with the kids, not one phone call, no involvement with afterschool activities, admin etc, no phone calls. How is it even possible that you can call yourself a parent when you can go a full week without even speaking to your kids and have no involvement in anything that they do. I as a mum could not do that, nothing would be done, it annoys me that he thinks he is a good dad.

Because you do it all.

Regardless, I would really struggle to go a week without even saying hi to them on the phone

I agree with you and I also agree with PP.
Its sad that your ex doesn’t want to check in and see if there anything you / the kids need. But I do also agree with @frozendaisythat you should probably force some of the other responsibilities on to the ex. Kids need new shoes? Text him to sort. Kids want to go to a club? Text ex to organise.

Because the bar is so low for men. You see it all the time in step family threads - he's a 'great dad' to his kids because he seems them once or twice a week. Or on relationship threads - he has temper issues, does nothing around the house, treats the childrens mum like shit, but he's a 'great dad'.

He is living his best life, holidays abroad once a month with his new GF without a care in the world. Obviously this is why I left him but it’s so sad how some men do this. I would rather be with my kids than do anything

Ex MIL said to me once it’s different for mums they end up with the kids, it’s bullshit and old school

To be frank I preferred it that way

I think I do. It’s just hard to understand how a parent doesn’t feel the same way you do.

@Bittwrsweet I’m separated and I have my children 50-50, granted it’s not a week on the week off basis the longest I go is five nights. Unless they’re on a holiday with their dad. I don’t communicate with them daily when they’re with their dad. I might text my eldest a couple of times if anything important comes up. When they are on holiday with their dad, I will text and call maybe every second day. But in general, I trust and I know that he’s a good parent and that they are fine. I don’t feel the need to be in constant contact with them. That doesn’t make me a bad parent.

My children are only 4 and 7, I think it’s bit different when they are older

He's not parenting at all, he's babysitting once a week. The kids will always remember who actually brought them up and cared for them. PP said force him to do stuff for them, that often doesn't work because he can just ignore or make a pathetic excuse, and at the end of the day the kids suffer then. Well done on leaving him!

Mine are 9 and 12…

Still they are a bit older than mine

I tried this one week and sent them with no uniform (I usually make sure everything is done, homework, reading etc) when I picked them up from school the following day they had trainers on etc and looked homeless which isn’t fair on them.

I dont call/speak to my kids when they're with their dad EOW. He doesn't call/speak to them when they're with me the other 26 nights of the month.

My brother and his Ex both call the kids EVERY night, and quite frankly, i think its ridiculous to force the kids to have a conversation they don't want at 8pm every night, because all it has EVER been (on both parts) is the kids clearly not being interested while the parents grill them.

I prefer my way thanks.

Sadly the only reason is that he doesn't care about them, there is no other reason for happily going a week or so without wanting to speak to them or without wanting any sort of update on their wellbeing.

My ex hasn't seen our DD in 24 years. She was 2 the last time he laid eyes on her. I often think "how?" But men are wired differently and most don't have that primal bond we have as mothers. And part of that is that we do too much.

He's recently had 2 kids with his current GF - I wonder if that made him think about her? Actually (presumably) being a father to the two new kids. I also question what's going on in GF's head that she'd choose to have children with a man who walked away from his first child. Doubtless I've been painted as a psycho (not entirely inaccurate) but still.

Yes I am the bad guy and the psycho too so you’re not alone 🤣

I suppose every circumstance is different, but personally I think if a parent can not have any interaction with the kids or anything to do with the admin/clubs etc school, what is the point of them being there at all?

No, the bar isn’t low for men. People on here just post the bad ones and they’re called bad because they haven’t hit the acceptable bar. That’s not the same thing as the bar being low.

To be fair, in many, MANY relationships / marriages, the mum / wife does all the admin, clubs etc etc. And that's when they actually live together and with the kids! I imagine for most men it wouldn't even enter their mind if they didn't live in the family home.

I’ve been going through similar for years now. We did have 50/50 then he met someone new, told me via email he wasn’t having the kids anymore, will see them every Saturday and moved. Didn’t tell us where though. He tried to control everything and it backfired with the kids refusing to see him. I took him through mediation and he was told he had to phone them every Wednesday and message them through the week to build relationships with them so they’d want to see him. Fast forwards 2 years he now sees them 3 hours a month, an hour and a half every other weekend. Not all of them see him as he’s not willing to be flexible on days and times etc as they work and have other commitments, between those weekends it’s radio silence from him. We’ve tried so hard over the years to get him involved but he’s not interested. I do send him the occasional update of achievements and medical things but he never replies.

I don’t get it. Me and my husband talk about it often. I couldn’t do, me and my children, talk daily, message daily and my life would be nothing without them.

I do believe some women/men are just not built that way, they see children as a hindrance and I could not be going on holiday once a month with my new partner and just ignoring the kids, I would want them with me. I love being with them and I was ready to dedicate my time to them from the minute I found out I was pregnant

My dad was great to be fair, and most of the men in my family are fabulous dads so it’s difficult really for me to understand

A lot of people are very selfish and lazy. They put themselves first. Thats just how they are, whether it’s men or women.