To wonder how anybody can call this parenting?

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So, my ex and I split up a year ago, granted he has the kids one night a week. However, for the time I am with the kids, not one phone call, no involvement with afterschool activities, admin etc, no phone calls. How is it even possible that you can call yourself a parent when you can go a full week without even speaking to your kids and have no involvement in anything that they do. I as a mum could not do that, nothing would be done, it annoys me that he thinks he is a good dad.

He is not a good Dad. My hubby and I have an 8 year old. My hubby has admitted he can’t bare to be away from our son for more than one night….. he has friends out of town he occasionally meets up with for beers and then crashes at their place. I’ve offered for him to go 2 nights and he always says no…. He misses his son too much and he feels it’s not fair to me. some people just aren’t wired up the same way… it’s sad for the children

To be fair it’s not just separated Dads who make minimal effort. If anything Dads who are still with the Mum can be even worse in terms of effort and never having one on one time with their own children, but no one bats an eyelid because they are still with the Mum 🤷‍♀️

Stop bringing a doormat & make him do more then

I could have written this myself. My EXH hasn't seen our DD in 24 years either. She was also 2 the last time he ever saw her. I'm the same, I sometimes wonder if he ever thinks about her and what he has done and why and how. I don't think I will ever truly understand what was going on in his head at the time.

He also has 2 DC's with his current girlfriend and I wonder if either of them are aware they have a sister out there somewhere.

It's bizarre isn't it? I bump into his family from time to time and they are still in touch with my DD. If he wanted to he could easily find out where she is and contact her after all these years but he has never attempted to.

I just don't get it.

Actual parents do plenty of things they don't want to do for the sake of your kids. In the big scheme of things, phoning your ex for her to pass the phone over for a few minutes isn't very difficult.

Sorry, but did you divorce him or try to adopt him as your child? He isn't your responsibility. The sheer stupidity of you complaining about him being absent on his time off is nuts. Your time with the kids, focus on them, not him.

Have you taught your children to call him? Have you talked with him about this? What might be going on in his life? Is he depressed? Is he having a tough time with the divorce? You can act all supermom all you want but we all handle breakup and heartache differently. Children or not, adults are vulnerable too. Or did you just want to rant to 8 billion strangers online?

Look, if you are such an adult, then act like one. Focus on your children, teach them how to communicate as you would like their father to, and stop throwing your garbage out to everyone for the feelz.

Be grateful, my ex is a nightmare

My ex sends child support once a month but at this point he hasn't seen our 2 year old since February 26th and hasn't asked about him in a month. I've had several conversations about him needing to step up, most recently in January when he asked to have him on his own, swore he'd step up and then point blank refused to change his nappy on a visit and hasn't seen him since. Now I'm just matching his energy, I'm not going to bother sending updates to a man who clearly doesn't care but I can almost guarantee he'll want to see him for father's day and will probably message last minute to ask. I don't celebrate it because I don't see my dad but I'm tempted to plan something to celebrate my brother because he's the male role model my son has in his life. Not sure why I should celebrate my ex when he's not even an occasion dad now.

But he is also a parent who sees his children every week and pays maintenance, he hasn’t abandoned them but also is moving on with his life.

Maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable phoning his ex every week to ask permission to speak to them (which I can understand) Maybe OP hasn’t communicated that this is what she wants/expects. Maybe whatever he does do wouldn’t be deemed as good enough we are only getting a small snap shot here of a much bigger picture

Your kids are lucky to have you OP
Hugs ❤️❤️

Christ there are some depressing posts on this thread. Of course it's one sided ...how can it not be? If you think you therefore can't comment, don't. Or is it just more fun to make up a narrative about a psycho female ex who is stopping her kids from seeing their dad? A RP who has the kids 26/30 days not contacting them on the odd nights here and there is totally different to an NRP not contacting them for nearly two weeks. When my ex left the kids were 5&3. I offered 50/50 repeatedly. No interest. I suggested daily bedtime calls for stories, games they could play over facetime, I offered him so many ways to be more involved. All he ever did was stick rigidly to the EOW (which became one a month) and refuse to budge at all even if it meant the kids missing something they desperately wanted to do. But yeah..I was probably a nightmare, obstructive psycho too 🙄

Maybe you were psycho. But don't take the seemingly infinite number of women on here who want to hug this BS out as proof that men suck... uniquely. There are so many horrible mothers and ex's out there that emotionally manipulate and isolate their children from good fathers. I know, I'm one of those fathers.

The difference? Men don't need to blab their gob on a forum so the world can share in their misery. Those that care, deal with it. They stay and they work at it. But then there are some who are so emotionally bombarded by their ex-wives disconnected anger and vindictive malignancies, that they feel helpless and would rather leave their children than have them be in the middle of a feud between parents. They would rather be considered evil and deadbeat ensuring the children have at least one parent to look up to, than drag the children down to hell with them in a parental free for all battle.

So, take your sides, but know that this is a human thing, not a man thing or a woman thing. When we stop pointing fingers at each other and aim them at ourselves, maybe the real growing up can start.

How long will it be before he has a family with the new partner? Then I bet he'll prioritise any new children...

Feel for you OP x

I could have written this, my ex hasn't seen my daughter since she was 2 and she's 25. He lives 11 miles away, refused to go to a contact centre to see her(DV relationship)

@Mandemikc well aren't you a charmer "blab your gob"? Righto. I'll leave you to it.

I’ve been married for 30 years, living together before that, had 3 children and I have always done most of the parenting. Think my husband did 1 or 2 parents evenings ( all 3 children) over the years.
He still has no idea of school holidays, teacher training days, doctors, dentist, opticians, school trip meetings, doesn't have any school apps, doesnt top up the school meals account. Maybe went to Clarks once or twice, never been to buy school uniform, doesn't do parties, never took them to swimming lessons, football or dance , not a late night taxi, could go on but it gets tedious!
I retrained after having our eldest DS, in early years, so luckily have had term time hours. The wages are crap but it was an income, he has worked full time but now wants to retire, eekk ! Cost of living….
He tells me that I now need to work full time, 40 hours + think i may well consider it as our youngest is almost 15, cant bear the thought of spending alot of time together,
feel like a single mum, emotionally .

That is one area women are superior to men on average, the way they form connections allows them to openly share their feelings and problems with others, which can help a lot with stress and depression. Men are socially conditioned to suck it up and deal with it, unfortunately plenty out there can't do that, hence the male suicide rate is three times higher than for women and is the biggest killer of men under 45.

Of the womwn I know who are separated, the men are either like your ex or totally involved/ controlling beyond reason

You’re making zero sense …
The OPS Ex never checks in and does sweet FA with the kids ..
You’re comparing your situation with your Ex , to the OPS with her Ex , as though they are similar when they’re completely the opposite..
Exactly what point are you making ? ?

Honestly a lot of married men are no better. My DH is a great provider but given I can earn my own money it’s no USP.

It must be frustrating seeing him so free whilst you’re juggling it all.

She’s saying she can also go a full week with no contact. Which was the premise of the Op.

My XH was a real Disney dad. Had them once a fortnight, threw money at them, thought he was Dad of the year. Did NOTHING for them re school, medical, activities etc etc. Still ponces about like he’s Mr Wonderful. Still lies. (Whoppers too).

Yes , I understand that , but she is saying she is not a bad parent , which I’m sure she’s not ..
She did say , when they go on holiday , she speaks to them every second day though ..
OPS husband to be fair sounds like an ass ….
As little as possible involvement in his children’s life , where as PPs Ex sounds completely different & PP doesn’t sound at all like OPS husband..
Confused yet !
I’m after confusing myself with that one 😂

Out of sight out of mind. My ex has been like this for 10 years. At first he had them every week for 2 days but no checking in on my time. My eldest went through a really difficult patch (diagnosed autistic at 10) and on many occasions I had to call him to come around as I wasn’t coping with a particular behaviour that was then impacting our second child. He moved on swiftly and had another child with new GF. They didn’t last so has been loving the single life. The weekly stop overs either him disappeared. Fortnightly to start with and then they can go months. They’re old enough that they have phones and he can contact them directly. He doesn’t do that much. Even when they do go and stay with him they text me good night or to tell me what they’ve done. One of our children had a mental health crisis recently and I did suggest he needs to check in with them more often. Even just silly memes or a good morning/night. Doesn’t though. Only to say when he’s picking Jen up next. I also suspect he now has a new GF. In all that time I’ve not had time to think about a new BF. Nothing would happen spontaneously as I work in a heavily female environment and the males I work with are 20+ years younger or even 20 years older!! lol. I’d have to actively look on dating apps and I can’t bear that thought. But my priority has always been my kids. If I want a weekend away (occasionally as part of a hobby 3 times a year) I check he’s free to have them and if not check my mum and then don’t go if I can’t sort that out. But he’s away every weekend and never checks with me. Just assumes I’m having them. When we did have the routine in the early days of organise my nights out around the em being at his but they’ve stopped since he has them so much less. Although they’re old enough to be left a few hours now but I don’t like doing that often. I’ve given up trying to facilitate his time with them. Now he’s sometimes met with them not wanting to go to his or sway with him somewhere. I used to tell them they had to when younger but now, if they don’t want to no one is making them. It’s such a shame as he doted on them when we were together.

Oh, this is what a lot of men think parenting is. He just does some fun stuff with them once a week, and thinks he’s got this great relationship with them. But he’s not parenting them. That’s not what parenting is at all.