To wonder how anybody can call this parenting?

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So, my ex and I split up a year ago, granted he has the kids one night a week. However, for the time I am with the kids, not one phone call, no involvement with afterschool activities, admin etc, no phone calls. How is it even possible that you can call yourself a parent when you can go a full week without even speaking to your kids and have no involvement in anything that they do. I as a mum could not do that, nothing would be done, it annoys me that he thinks he is a good dad.

Why would he change? In his mind he’s got the best of all worlds - a fun life and being a Disney Dad once a week

If both parents did this it would be “neglect” but when the one parent steps in to fill the gap they have to suck it up. Neglect isn’t an appropriate parenting style!

My children would probably end up in care, who would be here to look after them?

Putting the boot firmly on the other foot. My DH's ex is so bloody stubborn and bitter so she refuses to speak to the children when they are with us just to make a point. So women can do it too.

Could that possible be to do with the way your current partner treated her?

Happens all the time.
Men walk away and they think seeing the kids once a week and paying child support is enough.. then they get on with their new lives. Happened to me 33 years ago.. then when daughter turned 16.. he stopped paying and stopped seeing her.. we haven't seen him for 17 years and don't actually know where he is.. l heard through the grapevine he's living abroad with his 5th wife..
Not even seen his Grandson.🤷‍♀️

Of course. It clearly couldn’t be for any other reason.

You know that women are as capable of being dicks as men; and it’s not always the man’s fault?!

But how do you know they are great dads.

People think my lovely DH is a great day. Many of you would disagree.

He doesn't make or attend medical appointments for kids unless I tell him I can't.
He doesn't doesn't make or attend school stuff unless I tell him.
He has no idea about how to top up school lunches, when PE kit is needed or even have their bank details to send them cash.
He hardly ever takes them to clubs or watches them participate.
He was asked for a hot water bottle yesterday but DD had to wait 10 minutes until the football finished.

I have a very stressful corporate job but I'm good at organisng and end up doing life admin for all 4 of us.

Your Ex is shit which is why he's an Ex.

But don't assume because someone looks good on the outside that they are pulling their weight. Looks are deceptive.

He's still a parent. he's not actively parenting but parenting and being a parent are different things.

I suppose it is different too as I am still single, my life my change completely when I meet somebody new

It’s better this way than his gf doing the parenting 50% of the time because he’s a man who thinks that parenting is for women.

When DD asked her exH to cover a couple of occasions that she was away with work his response was, “I’m not your f*cking babysitter”.

It’s inconceivable that a mother would take that attitude.

He has DGS one school night and EOW, but does FaceTime him.

My exH seldom had our 3 overnight and preferred to visit them here, playing ball in the garden or watching tv. He used to ring them (before phones did video calls) but they honestly couldn’t care less whether he rang or not.

My ex is exactly the same. I have four kids, the eldest isn't biologically his but he'd helped to raise her since she was 3. Hasn't exchanged a word with her since he left. The younger three (all his) see him once a week for a few hours on a Sunday. He has also started taking the youngest to football now she's decided she likes that. I pay for football, he just takes her to the training (and then brings her straight home). He doesn't do (or ask about) parents eve, reports, school trips, friends, hobbies, clubs, nada. No communication outside his sunday afternoons. Never had them overnight. He did ask to take them to a theme park a few weeks back....and then said it was in lieu of the next weeks visit as he's 'had them all day'.

I used to be infuriated, now I couldn't care less. More time for me. Plus they're all older and much more self sufficient now (youngest is 10) so it's not as much stress at home and I don't crave a break like I did in the early days. I think its sad really, they have no connection with him at all and constantly grumble about going for those few hours. He often drops them back early as he says 'there was nothing to do'.

It's all so odd because when he was at home, he was such a hands on dad.

It's true though.

If mums want the same freedom as dads then they need to give dads custody, or just walk away but obviously most mums won't.

Be honest, as a mum would you change it? Would you rather be on holiday once a month with your new partner instead of being a good mum to your kids? I know where I would rather be. He probably thinks he has the upper hand but I think it’s pathetic

The sweet spot in all this is that the kids see through all the bullshit. As they grow up they KNOW who was there for them.
They work it out for themselves... who the parent was... on a daily basis, through thick and thin... and who simply and consistently disappointed.

If you saw your child one day a week you wouldn’t bother phoning them or doing anything else for them? This isn’t in the OP, its on him, if the OP stopped do you really think he would start booking appointments?

Sometimes I am a bit jealous that he gets to do all these things but ultimately if the shoe was on the other foot I know I wouldn’t want it.

Except he's leaving her to do all the parenting and babysitting once a week.

And as I said, my ex was a great dad when we lived together. Had no reason to think anything would change when he left. It was like he flicked a switch and lost all his feelings towards his kids.

funnily enough, some of them go to court to try and get custody, and 50/50 is ordered.

my brothers ex really IS an absolute crazy lady, i've met her, and witnessed her behaviour first hand, she isn't a fit mother, the judge even told her she clearly didn't care about what the kids wanted, it was all about what SHE wanted in his sum up in the court when 50/50 was granted to my brother.

She isn't allowed to make ANY decisions about the kids lives without his agreement.

Both kids are now 15/16 and the older one hates her guts.

Becuase he is a male.....

More back story here. Did he ask to see them more frequently? How accessible do you make them for him? Maybe he just doesn’t want to interrupt your time with them? If he lays you child support maybe he expects you to cover the admin as well, rather than offloading it back to him.

Or alternatively, he despises you so much that he’d rather have no contact with them when he has to go through you. Given that you go and complain to random strangers on the internet, I suspect it’s that.

Men are wired differently.

Or alternatively, he despises you so much that he’d rather have no contact with them when he has to go through you. Given that you go and complain to random strangers on the internet, I suspect it’s that.

Exactly, I was trying to say the similar upthread. Why an earth would he want to have to phone his ex multiple times a week. If the children were a bit older and had their own phones then that would be different and he could contact them directly, and that likely will happen in the future.

I also couldn’t help but pick up on the bitter tone about the ex “living his best life with his new GF” - understandable but not worth getting stressed about.

It's so sad how many single Mums there are with no or minimal input from Dads. It's become a let out clause for too many men who should have a sense of pride and responsibility to be a positive male role model in their children's lives. They are still like children, shame on them. Xxx