Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

Yes, he’s an idiot basically. That’s incredibly rude and disrespectful. No way I would be standing by allowing my Dh to talk to me like that, let alone my good friend. If I was your friend, I wouldn’t be keen to see either of you probably for a bit.

Is he usually such a knob?

What is TOM?

It doesn’t sound like he’s got much credit in the bank with her if she is unwilling to forgive an unpleasant but not completely awful comment.

If i were her I’d accept his apology and just think he was a bit of a dick, if he has form for it.

I don’t think it’s appropriate or polite for him to be commenting on her menstrual cycle, joking or not. I wouldn’t be impressed and would feel very uncomfortable if my friend’s husband made a joke about my period, I would let it go, but wouldn’t be too happy.

She made a joke about it first and he carried on the joke and she took offence

He's shown remorse and is willing to apologise, she is being petty not to accept it

Apologies don’t fix everything. Sounds like your DH has some quite sexist views, otherwise he’d never have made the joke in the first place. And to double down when called out is bad too. I’d be distancing myself too.

Time of the month

Time of the month.

You wouldn't have made a joke about it in the first place then would you?

Lots of men really don't like women I think. He appears to be one of them.

Time of the month

and OP’s DH is an idiot - reducing two women to their menstrual cycles and effectively degrading his wife and her friend. No wonder she doesn’t want to hear from him.
What’s his excuse for being a dick?

Oh fgs il be the odd one out , she started the joke , he carried it on , it was infact a joke , and she's being ridiculous now , honestly when did everyone lose their sense of humour

I must be missing something but time of the month does make me more tetchy, grumpy, sensitive and argumentative. I don’t think my DH is sexist if he points that out to me or would take offence at the comment your DH made (I would laugh personally).

She may be feeling sensitive due to the news earlier.

Storm in a teacup.

I'd be creeped out if my friend's husband said that to me.

<< Shudder >>

Did she take offence at the joke because it was her TOM?

dons hard hat

He had a chance to rectify it when she responded initially, instead he doubled down and insulted her again. I wouldn’t be too keen to forgive someone who behaved like that and I’m not sure I would believe it was sincere either. Sorry you’re in the middle.

I think you need to just leave it now, it's fine for them to keep their distance from each other. She doesn't have to accept an apology.

Your DH is an idiot, but presumably you already know that and he has other good qualities that mean you overlook it.

When did she make a joke about it? All she said was “escaping us are you?”. That’s nothing to do with her period.

It wouldn’t have bothered me, I probably just would have poked fun at him back.

Your husband is scummy.

She didn’t make a joke about her periods. She made a joke about him leaving - he can joke back without making a sexist comment about women moods and periods. Women’s opinions have often been belittled and devalued by comments such as “she is just upset because she is on her period” etc

And to those of you saying she started the joke - yes she did, but it wasn’t a joke about menstruation.

I’m clearly in the minority where this wouldn’t bother me. I’d likely say don’t blame you I don’t like being around me either when I’m on.

guess I just don’t take too much to heart and fire back instead of being pissy.

friend made it clear comment was not cool with her, hubby offered to apologise she won’t accept. Wonder if she’s like this with everyone. People sometimes get it wrong. She must have a very small circle if she has absolutely no tolerance

Please never sit on a jury. Especially if it’s about a woman being raped.