Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

Yes he may as well have added “smile and make me a sandwich” to his trope that women are “uptight”

I don’t really know how to say this more obviously …. It was none of his fucking business so he shouldn’t have said it.

Exactly.

Because it was clearly a joke relating to that exact assumption. I know that nobody is happy unless they are offended by something but it was an off hand quip about a man not wanting to be the only guy in a room with 2 women on their periods. I'm not saying that you or anyone has to find it funny but don't make it out to be something more than it was. This guy makes an awkward joke and is suddenly a women hating, misogynistic arsehole? Come off it.

Context absolutely could have meant period

I'd rather sit with a bunch of men having a laugh than the uptight bores on MN

Not funny more misogynistic. Even worse that she’s trying to conceive and he’s joking about her period. I wouldn’t think highly of him either.

Wow.
The vitriol spouted here is just wild.
I can’t imagine getting this angry just because someone has a different opinion about what’s offensive to you.

You know fuck all about me beyond I wasn't offended by his joke

I dgaf what men think of me.

Why does he need to know your friend is having her period?

DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s.

How do they usually get on, @NeedAHol25 ?

An honest reply from him to her banter may have been, “I can’t fucking stand you, time of the month or not, so hell yeah, I’m going out.”

I’d struggle to get worked up about this as a joke, far less refuse to accept an apology. So makes me wonder if they just don’t like each other.

I can see however, how she might feel put out at him referring to something she said in what she thought was a private conversation. Think I’d still accept the apology if this was a one-off.

When did you start hating women?

Reported.

This thread is making me despair. Do the posters backing the husband not realise the friend had no idea the OP's husband had been eavesdropping on their earlier conversation? She had no idea this bloke even knew she was on her period, let alone would be creepy enough to comment on it. The friend didn't start the joke, she made zero mention of her or the OP's period. I always think it's exaggerated when it's said the average reading age of a UK adult is 10 years old. Then I read threads like this and think 10 is probably too favourable.

I was pretty shocked by that post. It was - ironically - far worse than anything said by the offending man in the reported scenario.

Just proving our point about your massive internalised misogyny… of course I’m uptight for pointing out sexism. Sure. Such Pick Me vibes.

I spoke to my friend last night, she says she over reacted and would usually have laughed the comment off or gave some stick back but she was in a mood. She has accepted the apology and is a bit embarrassed by it all.

Thanks for the replies everyone 😊

Sounds like they're both on the immature side. While you shouldn't force anyone to accept an apology, I would invited your friend over, sit both her and your husband on the couch, and then totally lose my s* on both of them like a parent who's been listening to two small children fight and whine all day while trapped in the house with them with now coffee. I'd ground them both until they learn to get along and then leave for the rest of the day. Seriously. They're both acting like immature brats over something so stupid.

Proof then that she was a complete and utter idiot and overfucking reacted.

Hopefully next time she'll engage what little brain matter she has in her skull before opening her mouth.

Not that your DH had anything to apologise for - he did nothing wrong. She should be apologising to him.