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Original poster

Argument between my best friend and DH

218 replies

NeedAHol25 · 05/05/2025 14:30

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

OP posts:
Shitmonger · 05/05/2025 15:05

Sherararara · 05/05/2025 14:48

Love how his joke is somehow worse than hers.
She started it, he reciprocated in kind. She’s been over sensitive and a drama queen. He doesn’t even need to apologise imo.

It was worse. She made a joke about him not wanting to hang out with two women. He turned it into “durrr women on periods,” and then he doubled down and insulted her when she said it wasn’t funny.

And then when OP wanted an explanation, he claimed he’d been being a jackass with his friends and “forgot” to not be one around her and her friend. Hmm

Original poster
NeedAHol25 · 05/05/2025 15:05

whitewineandsun · 05/05/2025 14:45

I love how they tell on themselves. So, basically he's an idiot pretending not to be one when you're around? Oops.

Show quote history

He meant that they are used to taking the mick out of each other without much filter, not that they were making jokes about periods.

OP posts:
blueleavesgreensky · 05/05/2025 15:05

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 05/05/2025 14:40

I'd be creeped out if my friend's husband said that to me.

<< Shudder >>

Seriously? Creeped out by a clumsy stupid comment.
I dint know how people make it through life

CinnySally · 05/05/2025 15:07

So the friend is feeling a wee but down as she’s trying for a baby and her period has arrived. Goes over to her mate’s to cheer herself up to discover that her period is actually common knowledge. I think it’s completely normal to feel a bit weird in that situation.

I think it’s a wee bit odd for the DH to be talking to the mate about her period at all. The ‘escaping us’ comment I highly doubt she was referencing them both being on their period I would take that as him having no interest in their chat

diddl · 05/05/2025 15:10

Liz1tummypain · 05/05/2025 14:49

If I was the friend I'd just be embarrassed that other people get to discuss my periods. Maybe I'm a bit uptight but that's me..

Yup.

It would creep me out that he knew, remembered & commented.

"Get a sense of humour".

What a pig.

whitewineandsun · 05/05/2025 15:11

NeedAHol25 · 05/05/2025 15:05

He meant that they are used to taking the mick out of each other without much filter, not that they were making jokes about periods.

Edited
Show quote history

I know. It was clear what he meant.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 05/05/2025 15:11

NeedAHol25 · 05/05/2025 14:43

He said he wishes he didn’t say it in hindsight, and that he’d been with mates all afternoon watching football so had been having banter and forgot himself when home.

Show quote history

He forgot to hide his misogyny, you mean? If one of my friend's husbands spoke to me and her like that, I wouldn't be spending time with him. If your partner is a dick, you risk friendships not being as close, I'm afraid.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/05/2025 15:11

OP please don’t fall into the trap of feeling responsible for your husbands behaviour. Women too often take on the role of smoothing over/ forcing apologies etc for the behaviour of their male partner

he can sort it out directly with your friend. Have nothing to do with it

thepariscrimefiles · 05/05/2025 15:13

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 14:37

She made a joke about it first and he carried on the joke and she took offence

He's shown remorse and is willing to apologise, she is being petty not to accept it

She just joked about him going out to escape them, not that he was doing this because they were both menstruating. He was the one that brought that up in a derogatory and sexist way.

BarneyRonson · 05/05/2025 15:14

It’s not your fault he’s old school male humour, but it probably rips a little tear in your friends respect for you. It’s the kind of joke that fosters alienation, isn’t it. Unfortunate all round.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 05/05/2025 15:15

HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 14:55

"My friend said that was sexist and not funny."

OP - your friend is a fucking idiot.

Established fact women have periods - so how the fuck is what your DH said, sexist?

He was being factual.

If your friend is so woke and wet lettucy, perhaps she shouldnt make jokes if she cant handle them back.

Your DH has nothing to apologise for - your friend should apologise for being a dramatic twat TBH.

DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

How is that factual?

Or are you claiming that all women are 'bad enough' to be around just because they're on their period?

And her friend is the fucking idiot according to you?

thepariscrimefiles · 05/05/2025 15:16

flutterbye99 · 05/05/2025 14:44

I’d wait for the TOM to be over before approaching it again to be honest but I agree.. she made the joke first and he continued. It’s a bit of double standards. Is he waiting for her to apologise for insinuating he needs to escape his wife? 🤔😂

She didn't make a joke about periods first. He did that.

Auroraloves · 05/05/2025 15:18

shes already emotional at having another month unsuccessful TTC. Your husband is a knob, sorry. However genuine and sincere his apology is, that conversation is a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed

thepariscrimefiles · 05/05/2025 15:22

HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 14:55

"My friend said that was sexist and not funny."

OP - your friend is a fucking idiot.

Established fact women have periods - so how the fuck is what your DH said, sexist?

He was being factual.

If your friend is so woke and wet lettucy, perhaps she shouldnt make jokes if she cant handle them back.

Your DH has nothing to apologise for - your friend should apologise for being a dramatic twat TBH.

OP's friend didn't refer to her periods and she didn't know that OP's DH knew that she was on her period. It was a rude and sexist remark and he doubled down and called her uptight when challenged.

He has a lot of apologise for. It isn't 'woke' to be offended when someone else's husband makes jokes about your period.

Shmee1988 · 05/05/2025 15:25

I'm seeing the word 'misogynistic' being thrown around quite a lot on this post. Misogynistic meaning: someone who dislikes, despises or is strongly prejudiced against women.... it is a well known fact that alot of women are moody, sensitive etc when it's TOM. The fact that he made a joke about this is not misogynistic or sexist. Women quite often use TOM as an 'excuse' for behaviour... 'oh, sorry I snapped, it's my TOM' etc.... your friend is being unreasonable as are the majority of the other snowflaky comments on this post. I dont know anyone IRL that would take such offence to his comment.

whitewineandsun · 05/05/2025 15:29

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight.

So, telling women to stop being uptight and to get a sense of humour is not sexist and misogynistic?

Alright, then.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 15:30

neilyoungismyhero · 05/05/2025 14:59

She didn't make a joke about it at all. Her remarks made absolutely no reference to her or OP's Tom.

Show quote history

But them both being TOM was apparently common enough knowledge

It would be easy to make the connection

DoYouReally · 05/05/2025 15:31

He's an idiot.
She's far too uptight.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 15:31

diddl · 05/05/2025 15:10

Yup.

It would creep me out that he knew, remembered & commented.

"Get a sense of humour".

What a pig.

Show quote history

He had been tracking her period ffs!

He'd literally just heard about it 🤦‍♀️

Maybe be annoyed at OP for talking rather openly about her friend's period

Mo819 · 05/05/2025 15:31

choppywood · 05/05/2025 14:40

Oh fgs il be the odd one out , she started the joke , he carried it on , it was infact a joke , and she's being ridiculous now , honestly when did everyone lose their sense of humour

Couldn't have said it better.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 15:32

thepariscrimefiles · 05/05/2025 15:13

She just joked about him going out to escape them, not that he was doing this because they were both menstruating. He was the one that brought that up in a derogatory and sexist way.

Show quote history

It wasn't a leap to assume she meant "hiding from the hormonal women"

It's also not really that derogatory, women make the same joke about themselves

TisILeClair · 05/05/2025 15:33

DH was vile, not sure I’d want to be in the same house as him after that tbh.
Seems that many on MN have very low standards.

TisILeClair · 05/05/2025 15:34

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 15:32

It wasn't a leap to assume she meant "hiding from the hormonal women"

It's also not really that derogatory, women make the same joke about themselves

Show quote history

Yes it WAS a MASSIVE leap imho.

HuffleMyPuffle · 05/05/2025 15:35

You can't also claim "periods are nothing shameful" and then find it "creepy" someone knows you're on

Either periods aren't shameful and can be discussed or they are secretive and it's creepy to know this shameful thing

thepariscrimefiles · 05/05/2025 15:35

Shmee1988 · 05/05/2025 15:25

I'm seeing the word 'misogynistic' being thrown around quite a lot on this post. Misogynistic meaning: someone who dislikes, despises or is strongly prejudiced against women.... it is a well known fact that alot of women are moody, sensitive etc when it's TOM. The fact that he made a joke about this is not misogynistic or sexist. Women quite often use TOM as an 'excuse' for behaviour... 'oh, sorry I snapped, it's my TOM' etc.... your friend is being unreasonable as are the majority of the other snowflaky comments on this post. I dont know anyone IRL that would take such offence to his comment.

Edited

So anyone who thinks that OP's DH was rude and inappropriate are 'snowflakes'? If OP's friend had mentioned her period to him and he made a joke about it, because they were on those sort of familiar terms, that would be different. But they obviously don't have that sort of relationship so it was highly inappropriate, particularly if OP had told him that her friend was upset at getting her period as she is trying to conceive. It was rude and tactless.