Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

It’s not shaming; it’s giving an opinion.

I’ve already quoted the misogynistic abuse of OP’s friend. Somehow I’m not surprised you find it funny.

Interesting username too.

Ah yes, I’m sure you’re unsurprised I find it funny because you are far superior to me with your morals, values and intelligence. Always the same with posters like you, too closed minded to accept that others may have a different viewpoint so resort to not-so-subtle put downs instead.

My username is a reference from The Office, hth.

If OP’s DH has had a recent testicular or prostate exam, I’m sure he’ll find it absolutely hilarious if OP’s friend makes a joke about it.

Her asking if the h was escaping them is not a joke.

Yes, because ‘woke and wet lettucy’, ‘can’t handle a joke’, ‘dramatic twat’, ‘fucking idiot’. are such lovely terms to describe the OP’s friend. Funny how you didn’t pull any of those up.

This. I get she’s sensitive over it, so she taken it badly, but it was clearly banter given both ways.

I believe I said they were rude and unacceptable didn’t I?

Im talking about the original post.

You only said that I after I pulled you up on ignoring such abuse.

Thank you for pulling me up. Once again you are the superior being here.

No thanks needed. I think most people are superior than those who use women’s biology as an excuse to mock them, even after they’ve said they don’t like it.

We clearly live in different worlds. Literally none of them make these types of jokes, or make jokes about women’s bodies, roles in society etc, They are not perfect but this is a pretty low bar.

I have and I'm quite clearly not 😳

Period = Factual (although not his business)

Bad enough to be around (due to period) = Sexist, lazy, stereotyping.

If you think all women are bad to be around just because they're on a period, you sound just as bad as him.

Well yes, we must live in a different world. If a bloke made a joke about 2 PMTing women in the same room together not being his idea of fun, I'd take it as banter, same as almost everyone I know. It's in no way a reflection of how they view womens 'role in society'.

This

And yet many of us read it that way

I would be put off your husband forever.

The time to apologise, was when she called him on his 'joke'. Doubling down with his uptight comment makes him a dick. She doesn't have to accept his apology.

And? Different people interpret things differently. I'm happy to be in a minority of one.

Well she said "escaping is are you" or similar so this seems like banter and he responded similarly so I think she's being oversensitive especially if he's said he'd apologised but I'm wondering what you mean about it being derogatory and maybe he sounded genuinely unkind?

Where did you see they were both dealing with PMT? You only know they had their periods. Why assuming either deal with anything impacting mood or behaviour?

Would no one else just laugh and say "shut up, you dick" in a jokey way and move on with life?!

Except if she had said that, he would gave taken mortal offence.

Her comment made no reference to TOM. That was ALL from him.

Oh just stop. She didn’t say anything about periods, or moods. He was being sexist, and rude. It’s not uptight to not find his comment funny.

Here, have your “cool girl” halo and go sit with the Menz.