Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

Fucking hell. Your repeat comments accusing anybody who isn’t tripping over themselves to be offended on the behalf of others as being misogynistic and sexist are insane.
I, actually, find it a bit misogynistic that you’re telling other women what they have to be offended by.

I've never said all women?

WTF?!

Did she know that he was aware of your initial conversation?

If she’s ttc and is upset as she got her period it’s especially dickheadish for him to comment on her cycle (It would be a dick move regardless imo) and I would imagine that she’s feeling particularly vulnerable.

Welcome to MN where if you're opinion isn't all men are trash and everything they do is wrong then you're a man/sexist/full of internal misogyny/a handmaiden/a pick me/an incel

And never just a woman with different ideas

😦 my husband would NEVER.

But…I mean I can see why she’s a bit pissed off but it’s hardly worth dying in a ditch over.

Your husband is a complete dick. Especially horrible to comment about her period when she is TTC. Dick.

I’m sorry that you failed to understand what I wrote.

Also sorry that your computer screen is showing you words I never typed. Nowhere have I dictated to anybody what they are meant to be offended by. Quite the opposite. Just because some women joke about themselves and their periods doesn’t somehow give men a pass to spread those sexist jokes to all women.

Categorising menstruation and race as one of the same is a bit of a leap.... even for MN

Absolutely bat shit

None of this would have bothered me in the slightest. Your friend is being ridiculous.

But you are implying ALL women must be offended because otherwise it wouldn't be sexist

It's up there with the poster telling me I shouldn't sit on a rape trial

Generalising about women as a class rather than viewing them as individuals is misogynistic and sexist (and dumb, lazy and boring). Some women (including me) have bad periods which affect their mood, some don’t. Some women don’t have periods at all. I’m not making an ‘excuse’ when I apologise in advance to the people around me about the fact that I will likely be unusually irritable over a couple of days, I’m reflecting reality. But that’s my reality, not every woman’s.

Why oh why must we always suggest that women who aren’t automatically offended by everything a man says have low standards? It’s ok to have different boundaries and opinions. It doesn’t mean anyone’s standards are superior to the others.

Are you deliberately missing the point?

Being on her period is factual (although none of his business).

Being 'bad enough' to be around due to her period, is sexist, lazy stereotyping.

Try printing it out and colouring it in with your crayons.

This may help you better understand it.

It’s one thing to not be offended, that is your right, But on this thread the OP’s friend has been called ‘woke and wet lettucy’, ‘can’t handle a joke’, ‘dramatic twat’, ‘fucking idiot’.

Obviously rude and unacceptable but I’m still not sure how that correlates to people having low standards when it comes to the situation in the op.

Did you really just draw an equivalence between a misjudged joke and rape.

that is so completely inappropriate, and a million times worse than what the DH did!

Of course it correlates. There is so much misogyny on this thread.

I’ve already explained this, RTFT, I’m
not repeating myself for your sake.

the key words there are to me

It's pretty arrogant to assume that because people do things slightly differently to you, it's automatically wrong.

It would be absolutely fine for you to not find that joke funny. But it is not your place to tell other women what they should find funny or not. Humour is subjective. Intra-personal relations are deeply subjective.

I don't find fart jokes funny. Doesn't mean I'm allowed to say that other people shouldn't find them funny. I wouldn't like it if my DP swore at me, however I accept that other people do swear at their DPs/vice versa and don't find it upsetting or abusive, it's the way they interact and doesn't say anything about their relationship.

Shaming other women for what they like/don't like/find acceptable is, in my view, more antifeminist than making 1 potentially inappropriate joke.

Perhaps you ought to ask yourself first if you are missing the point before asking me or anyone else.

I have read the thread, including all your (increasingly rude) comments, which seem to add up to 'if someone doesn't agree with me it's an issue with their understanding,'

Ironic that so many people have flagged your comment as deeply inappropriate, yet your view seems to be issues with our comprehension.

Am I misogynistic because I don’t agree with you? Ok then 😂