Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

He didn't point it out to his wife.

He pointed it out to her friend, whose body he should have nothing to do with.

And I'm also going to assume he'll have no idea how her period affects her, so it was just a lazy, sexist stereotype.

Well that’s a fucking leap.

I wouldn't want to speak to your misogynistic husband ever again if I was your mate tbh.

He said he wishes he didn’t say it in hindsight, and that he’d been with mates all afternoon watching football so had been having banter and forgot himself when home.

Yes the friend did and he could have apologised then. If he was sincere. But he told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. Wouldn’t that bother you? It would bother me. It’s really bloody rude.

I’d wait for the TOM to be over before approaching it again to be honest but I agree.. she made the joke first and he continued. It’s a bit of double standards. Is he waiting for her to apologise for insinuating he needs to escape his wife? 🤔😂

I love how they tell on themselves. So, basically he's an idiot pretending not to be one when you're around? Oops.

It was sexist and not funny, instead of apologising he doubled down and told her to get a sense of humour… he’s a sexist pig, the sort that stops young girls in the street and says “smile love it might never happen”. Gross.

Ah that's lovely that his mates are all misogynists too so he can say that sort of shit to them but not you. Are you fine with this behaviour op? Is this usual?

Kind of makes it worse… when I have an afternoon with my mates I don’t magically change into a different person.

So mummy's making her little boy apologise?

It wasn't an accident he said it on purpose and its a gross thing to comment in any circumstance. I would still be friends but I wouldn't accept it either.

Love how his joke is somehow worse than hers.
She started it, he reciprocated in kind. She’s been over sensitive and a drama queen. He doesn’t even need to apologise imo.

Reads like she fed him a set-up, he delivered the expected punchline. Where he went wrong was his reaction when she made it clear she found his delivery unfunny. That was derogatory.

If I was the friend I'd just be embarrassed that other people get to discuss my periods. Maybe I'm a bit uptight but that's me..

Friend made it clear comment was not cool and he told her she was being uptight.

If he'd apologised there and then I can see your point but being called uptight and to get a sense of humour at not being amused by his "joke" would give me the actual rage.

I love Mumsnet. It was joke for gods sake. Having grown up in a house full of women i wish i was able to escape when we were all 'on' at the same time. I don't think it's sexist, just reality for most.

I would read that as "oo getting away from us because it's our TOM"

Yea tbf I see that. Think he was just very badly trying to make her see he was only kidding but she didn’t find it funny. Should of quit whilst he was ahead.

Totally agree! Some people take things way too seriously! I could understand it more if the friend hadn’t made the comment first. She needs to get over herself!

Except her being on her period was apparently common enough knowledge that I would also have heard her comment as "getting away from us moody women"

"My friend said that was sexist and not funny."

OP - your friend is a fucking idiot.

Established fact women have periods - so how the fuck is what your DH said, sexist?

He was being factual.

If your friend is so woke and wet lettucy, perhaps she shouldnt make jokes if she cant handle them back.

Your DH has nothing to apologise for - your friend should apologise for being a dramatic twat TBH.

Well that's a fucking leap

I'm sure, too, I can get out of jury service by saying "sorry nomas on MN said I can't because I think it's petty not to accept an apology for a joke "

Oh same

I feel sorry for my dad and brother sometimes

They can't do anything right when it's that time

She didn't make a joke about it at all. Her remarks made absolutely no reference to her or OP's Tom.

Friend is being a precious princess who needs to get over herself.

The comment really wasn’t that bad and friend would have reacted differently if she wasn’t already sensitive about having a period.