Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

And IMO no it wasn't

Because it's well-known women can be more sensitive, more emotion and more temperamental when it's TOM

Quite.

I made a joke about your period - laugh or you are uptight and lacking in a sense of humour.

And she’s trying to conceive, so maybe that is an extra reason (if one were needed) why you don’t comment on other people’s menstrual cycles?

Your DH had been with his mates watching the football already and was on his way to the pub. I’d wager a guess that he was pissed as well?

The period joke would have annoyed me but not enraged me. A man calling me uptight for telling him I didn’t appreciate the ‘joke’ would have though. Inexcusable, he’s a grade A prick.

I didn't say that he had been tracking her period ffs!

I think it's odd that he remembered & commented on an overheard call.

He acknowledged she was upset by it and offered to directly apologise, sure he shouldn't have said it in the first place but there isn't anything more he can do as time travel doesn't exist but you also can't change how your friend feels. I'd just let it go to be honest it's between them.

I agree with this! Life is too short - knock their heads together & time to move on!

He remembered a conversation from that same day

It's not weird

The single most monumental leap I’ve ever read on here! Incredible.

OP, I read the whole ‘escaping us are you’ comment as being in relation to the time of month? In which case there’s a chance your husband thought it was some joke also which he then carried on. I really couldn’t get worked up about it.

my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

Well no one has to accept an apology & tbh there hasn't been one.

Instead of apologising straight away he threw out an insult & since then didn't bother to take the initiative & apologise.

She maybe realises it would be pretty meaningless.

I couldn't be bothered by this in the slightest if it was said to me.

Everyone I know would see this as jokey banter and give worse back then burst out laughing and get on with our night.
I'm from the North East, not sure if this is the reason why but are there really friends that are so censored, polite and 'politically correct' with each other?

We can take the piss out of each other any day of the week, about anything 🤷‍♀️

Are you a man?

How would he know someone else's period is due. Why did you/they tell him? ESH. He was a bit crass and there's been some oversharing.

Well some find it funny some don’t he misjudged and offered to apologise
so in the big scheme of things she ether gets over it or she doesn’t
just back away not your drama to get involved in

It was a stupid joke which he has acknowledged and is willing to apologise for. We all say stupid things sometimes and inadvertently upset people. Your friend is being a bit precious over a silly comment - does she not like your DH anyway?

Not all women. When younger, apart from maybe swimming, no one I knew would have casually mentioned their period at all, let alone discussed it with a friend. Bonkers.

Does he know that she's ttc?

It's a stupid thing to say but if he knows she's ttc then it's especially dickish.

I'm surprised it's taken this long before someone tossed this old MN chestnut out

😒

Emphasis here being CAN not ARE

But them both being TOM was apparently common enough knowledge

She would have had no idea it was common knowledge - if I shared with a friend I was upset that my period had come as I was TTC I would not be assuming she'd share that with her husband.

His joke wasn't funny, but she's kind of proved his point by being grumpy.

They don't need to socialise together if your friend doesn't want to.

Because your description sounded like a ChatGpt answer of what a period is.

Agreed, surely she started this? She said are you escaping her, he said yes doubly cause there's 2 of you.

She was prepared to joke about you being a nightmare, but it's morally offensive when someone jokes about her?

She sounds very odd.

Did you even understand a word of the OP?

I don’t know any men IRL that would make such a comment to a woman.
Raise your standards and expectations of men.

Jesus that’s a jump