Argument between my best friend and DH

[NeedAHol25]

My friend came over on Saturday night. It was my TOM as well as hers (I know this because she had called me earlier in the day as she is TTC and was a bit upset). DH had separate plans which involved him meeting up with friends at the pub. He’d heard me on the phone earlier so was aware of my friend’s TOM.

Friend arrived and DH was still here waiting for his friend to give him a lift. As he was waiting to go out, my friend jokingly said something like ‘escaping us are you’. DH answered this by saying it’s bad enough when it‘s my TOM let alone being in the house when it’s two women’s. This was said in a more derogatory way if you know what I mean.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny. DH told her to get a sense of humour and stop being so uptight. My friend and I went into the kitchen and he got picked up a couple of minutes after.

I spoke to DH when he got home and on Sunday and he was apologetic and said he’d be willing to apologise directly to my friend. I’ve said this to my friend but she’s not willing to accept any apology and thinks he’s an idiot basically.

I am stuck in the middle. Am I being overly harsh to suggest that now a few days have passed,
my friend should accept the apology given its sincere?

But why disclose to a woman you know she’s on her period when she never intended you to know? It’s a sexist power move.

You’d never comment on a man’s bodily functions. As you’ve shown by ignoring that bit in my post.

She did not mention her menstrual cycle.

So because not everyone is a female who has periods, women are therefore fair game for jokes about their bodies?

Pull the other one.

She didn’t?

They really really really don’t! They like sex and domestic labour being performed for them.
Aside from that many would rather not have us around.

Nothing wrong with having a small circle and excluding sexist twats from it.

This - him commenting has just highlighted that she isn't pregnant so his clumsy attempt at humour backfired.
Might not jave bothered her if she wasn't ttc.

His joke was sexist nonsense. Hers was not.

Why on earth would you read it that way unless you were sexist too? Not all of us are a sexist stereotype when we have our periods and her friend had no idea the husband knew she had her period.

She is trying for baby and on her period - therefore unsuccessful month..how inconsiderate to bring that up to her as well as the fact it was just rude. I don't blame your friend for being annoyed.

To go back to you AIBU about whether you should suggest to your friend she should accept an apology- which he actually hasn't even given her yet: I don't think its your place to involve yourself in this.

Your friend is an adult - whether your H is an adult is debatable - and this argument is between them.

Perhaps if he really is sorry about his behaviour he should try offering the apology to her and she can make her own decision about whether she accepts it.
They shouldn't need you to arbritrate.
And it's not up to you to tell her how she should be feeling.

“Woke”

Jesus wept….

Extrapolating much?

It’s misogynistic and sexist. It’s a tired sexist trope.

The fact that some women may be difficult on their periods does not mean all women are. He should not even be mentioning her period.

I would if instead of making a joke stereotyping her sex, he made one stereotyping her race if you would still be defending that.

Why would she know the husband knew that? You are really flailing desperately to defend his sexism.

The fact that some women have internalised misogyny does not make what he said ok.

My friend said that was sexist and not funny.

She said that to your husband in his own house? Instead of throwing a strop, She should be thanking him for letting her stay.

You don't have to be sexist to know women can be more temperamental and emotional when due on

Being able to understand a few basic points should be mandatory for a jury. It’s not extrapolating to say if a poster can’t comprehend a post then I hope they’re never on a jury.

OPs friend shouldnt have dished out her juvenile joke if she cant fucking handle one back in return.

Thats called equality.

As for him knowing about her "TOM", he overheard it - I highly doubt the OPs partner lunged for the fone to hear all about it.

Some people - proper straw and pearl clutchers in extremis.

It’s OP’s house too.

Women joking about their period isn't internalised misogyny

You really do have to be sexist to believe a sexist stereotype is true for the whole enough to make a sexist joke about it.

Personally think she's being OTT... can no one give a quick wit response back anymore or just realise things aren't that deep 🫠 if he's willing to apologise and she won't accept it just leave it...I'm sure they will both get over it

It does when they expand what they know to be true for themselves as an individual to all women.

The fact a woman makes a joke about HERSELF does not suddenly make it ok for this husband to stereotype ALL women.

And women who think it does are dealing with internalised misogyny.