Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

Amiwrongamiright · 2025-04-30T10:27:53+00:00

Have you ever been in a position where you feel a little disappointed with close people in your life who you thought would adore your children, just have no interest at all to be in their life? This situation has been playing on my mind on and off for a few years. One of my closest friends, as in each others maid of honour and went to school and uni together close. Has shown very little interest in my DC since about 2/3 weeks old. I don’t expect constant checking in, I don’t expect much. But they’ve only met my DC once or twice in 3 years and never ask to see them, don’t send a card or text on their birthday. Will ask generic “how’s so and so” out of politeness when we meet (in evenings so not with DC) Ive noticed a shift in our friendship too They are childfree by choice right now and want kids Iater on. Just in case anyone asks . No fertility issues or wanting babies yet, I haven’t mentioned anything to her. And probably won’t. I also understand the whole your children aren’t as important to you as others etc, I think I’m just secretly deep down sad.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/04/2025 11:28

I’ve never “loved” a close friend’s child 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Amiwrongamiright · 30/04/2025 11:29

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/04/2025 11:28

I’ve never “loved” a close friend’s child 🤷‍♀️

Wrong wording, I guess I just meant showed an interest or cared about a bit

OP posts:

Londonrach1 · 30/04/2025 11:29

Yabu. No one loves your child unless it's possiblity grandparents.

Original poster

Amiwrongamiright · 30/04/2025 11:31

Not sure if there is a way for mumsnet to change the wording to care about rather than love as I don’t want 100 comments picking my wording apart

OP posts:

UndermyShoeJoe · 30/04/2025 11:31

Other people even family don’t tend to love love others children. Hell often barely thought of unless something springs them To mind like seeing something you know they love.

IReallyLoveItHere · 30/04/2025 11:33

Unless you are one of those people who loves kids in general then you're unlikely to be interested in friends baby. They can be more interesting once they're older if some hobbies or interests align.

If your friend is delaying her own DC then chances are she's not desperately interested in babies in general.

She's polite enough to ask and presumably to listen whilst you tell her about something cute. That's good enough.

Hillrunning · 30/04/2025 11:35

I don't even particularly care about my friends children beyond how my friend might feel. Even where I know the child quite well. My relationship is with the parent, not the child.

Tourmalines · 30/04/2025 11:37

The truth is there are people that are just not into little babies or children. It’s as simple as that really.

Leeds157 · 30/04/2025 11:37

Has you shown any interest in their lives during this time, initiated meet ups etc? I’m on the child free side of the coin and a close friend had a baby few years ago. I tried several times to make plans, each one was met with a reason why they couldn’t, all valid reasons I’m sure, but after that I gave up. I’m sure she feels I could make more effort with her son. But I’m not going to keep making one way effort, and it was only me initiating/suggesting meet ups

Original poster

Amiwrongamiright · 30/04/2025 11:38

Leeds157 · 30/04/2025 11:37

Has you shown any interest in their lives during this time, initiated meet ups etc? I’m on the child free side of the coin and a close friend had a baby few years ago. I tried several times to make plans, each one was met with a reason why they couldn’t, all valid reasons I’m sure, but after that I gave up. I’m sure she feels I could make more effort with her son. But I’m not going to keep making one way effort, and it was only me initiating/suggesting meet ups

Yes I make 90% of the effort I would say x

OP posts:

KimberleyClark · 30/04/2025 11:38

OP it is not realistic to expect other people to are as much about your children as you do. And although your friends have told you they are childfree by choice,you can’t be sure that is actually the case.

Xiaoxiong · 30/04/2025 11:39

Honestly I don't care as much about my friends' kids as their family members do eg. grandparents, aunts & uncles etc. I'll ask general questions about how the kids are getting on but that's more about how my friend is coping, how motherhood is going etc. I'm much more interested in my friend, in other words!

I was the first in my friendship group to have kids but I've certainly noticed that my friends have shown interest in my DC only as they have become mothers themselves. I think that's pretty normal.

Original poster

Amiwrongamiright · 30/04/2025 11:41

KimberleyClark · 30/04/2025 11:38

OP it is not realistic to expect other people to are as much about your children as you do. And although your friends have told you they are childfree by choice,you can’t be sure that is actually the case.

Thank you, I know she is 100% not going through fertility treatment. In my post I said I know no one cares about your kids like you do of course. But she’s shown no effort or interest x

OP posts:

Zezet · 30/04/2025 11:41

Sorry, but it would NEVER occur to me to also track birthdays of friends' kids or reach out about their wellbeing.

I care about them insofar as they are young members of your "tribe" and insofar as their wellbeing impacts my friends. I wouldn't care more for your children than say for, your mother. And while you are a member of my tribe, they - your mum or kids - aren't.

It's different to me for children of family members. They are members of "my" tribe. Still have to make a concerted effort to remember their birthdays though!

And I am the one in my friends' group who would be presumed to be by far the most child-oriented.

Xiaoxiong · 30/04/2025 11:41

Just saw the thing about "childfree by choice" - in which case I'd say they're even less likely than the average person to be interested in other people's DC.

Or, they're putting a brave face on a hard situation where they wish they had kids of their own but don't, which makes other people's kids harder to talk about.

BlondiePortz · 30/04/2025 11:42

Op I do get what you mean but I don't feel it myself, I hope others people's are ok and won't ignore them but they are kids they are just there to be honest

I love my own but don't expect any different for my own either, I am not anti kids though

Pricelessadvice · 30/04/2025 11:44

Honestly OP, your kids mean a great deal to you (obviously), but they really aren’t a big deal for other people.
I love my best friends kids, in that I would never want harm to come to them and I enjoy seeing them from time to time, but the reality is that I’m not interested in children and I don’t want to spend much time with them. They just aren’t a big part of my life. I think most people feel the same.
I do always get them birthday and Christmas gifts though!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/04/2025 11:44

Were you interested in other people's children, before you had your own @Amiwrongamiright?

I think you're being unrealistic. Although your child is (rightly) the most important person in your life, in all honesty, nobody else is going to be particularly interested.

Original poster

Amiwrongamiright · 30/04/2025 11:45

Xiaoxiong · 30/04/2025 11:39

Honestly I don't care as much about my friends' kids as their family members do eg. grandparents, aunts & uncles etc. I'll ask general questions about how the kids are getting on but that's more about how my friend is coping, how motherhood is going etc. I'm much more interested in my friend, in other words!

I was the first in my friendship group to have kids but I've certainly noticed that my friends have shown interest in my DC only as they have become mothers themselves. I think that's pretty normal.

I was the first in my friendship group to have kids but I've certainly noticed that my friends have shown interest in my DC only as they have become mothers themselves. I think that's pretty normal.

thanks it’s probably just this!

OP posts:

pizzaHeart · 30/04/2025 11:51

I agree that there might be a lot of factors at play.
I had fertility issues but didn’t share with any of my friends, citing job and housing issues for the delay.
She might be not into kids generally especially babies. I’m not. The way I was with my little nephew some people thought that I liked little children but I absolutely didn’t.
It could be just different stages of life or could be that she’s interested in your friendship less then you in hers.
Or it could be that once asked you tend talking a lot so she’s mindful about that.
So take your pick.
The good news is that you shouldn’t feel obliged to be interested in her children when they will come along. 🙂

Adrinaxo · 30/04/2025 11:52

My best friend of 20 years has hardly seen my two young dc, but she doesn't drive lives in a different town, works full time and has no children. I think people who don't have children don't realise how much they mean to you as crazy as that sounds. My best friend make 100% effort with me, makes all our plans mostly has booked us spa days to treat me and sent me gifts for the first two years of their lives when she knew it wasn't as easy so I try to be understandings there's a lot of factors to think about

Original poster

Amiwrongamiright · 30/04/2025 11:53

pizzaHeart · 30/04/2025 11:51

I agree that there might be a lot of factors at play.
I had fertility issues but didn’t share with any of my friends, citing job and housing issues for the delay.
She might be not into kids generally especially babies. I’m not. The way I was with my little nephew some people thought that I liked little children but I absolutely didn’t.
It could be just different stages of life or could be that she’s interested in your friendship less then you in hers.
Or it could be that once asked you tend talking a lot so she’s mindful about that.
So take your pick.
The good news is that you shouldn’t feel obliged to be interested in her children when they will come along. 🙂

Thank you for your responses. I think it’s possibly different life paths.

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IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 30/04/2025 11:56

I’ll be honest I’m not really interested in my friends kids and I absolutely don’t know their birthdays! I hope they are healthy and I will ask after them and talk about them with friends, but it’s very much just as a part of friends life rather than me being really in to the kids themselves.

Lentilweaver · 30/04/2025 11:56

I must be really cruel because I am not really interested in my mates' kids. I don't keep track of their birthdays either. My kids take up enough space in my head. I also take an interest in my sibling's kids. That's all I have room for.
I wish them all well and would help in an emergency, but that's it.

SueSuddio · 30/04/2025 11:57

Yes absolutely. I can think of several! It surprised me, I thought our kids would be an extension of us to friends / family but actually they can be a barrier!

However, I've been that disinterested childless friend in the past so I just remind myself of that fact!