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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I took my daughter to a birthday party that she wasn’t invited to. Whoops.

203 replies

Browndoor25 · 25/04/2025 17:22

Let me start by saying I am having a tough time of it right now (think dog getting pts, flat tires, cat is on the verge of being pts, etc) and this week has been particularly hellish. I’m not telling you this to try and make you feel sorry for me, I am just trying to explain that I am going through a hard time so I am already feeling quite emotional and vulnerable and not very resilient which is why I reacted as I did.

I met up with a mum friend in the park yesterday and she said ‘X is having a birthday gathering at the beach tomorrow, X’s mum grabbed me today and said she is trying to catch everybody..’. Today X’s mum walked past me at drop off and I was expecting her to tell me about the birthday gathering but she didn't say anything to me, which I thought was odd. I thought maybe she knew that my friend had told me although I messaged my friend saying ‘are you sure we are invited as x’s mum didn’t say anything?’. She said ‘Yeah she said she was trying to catch everyone, she’s maybe thinking she had already told you, I can’t imagine she’d invite some kids and not others cause they’ve all been talking about it at nursery’. So along to the birthday we go, I get there and they look surprised to see me and said ‘we didn’t really invite the younger ones but you are welcome to stay and have some cake’. I instantly felt mortified but probably an overreaction on my part.

I went and sat along the beach where my friend was and some of the other kids were playing. I told my friend and she apologised and felt bad for us. I told her it was fine but I felt really awkward. It’s a village nursery so only twenty kids go, and she invited ten out of the twenty however two of the kids only started on Monday so it feels like she invited more than half of the class if you know what I mean. My daughter has been in nursery with her daughter since August and we knew each other beforehand through other birthday parties, village Xmas parties and toddler groups. We are friendly and usually say hi in passing so I was a little bit hurt, especially when another friend turned up with her little girl who is actually younger than my daughter and only started the nursery in Xmas. I guess it’s up to them who they have at the party but I was already feeling rubbish so this has been the cherry to top it off. My friend said I should have gone up to their beach hut to get a coffee and mingle but I honestly couldn’t face all those people with how I was feeling so I let my daughter have a little play on the beach for an hour then headed off.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 25/04/2025 17:23

Mistakes happen, don't beat yourself up about it.

FortyElephants · 25/04/2025 17:23

Bless you. I'm not surprised you felt embarrassed and left. Your friend was a bit of a twat insisting your DD was invited when she didn't know that she was, but no real harm done.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 25/04/2025 17:25

It's not your fault! It was miscommunication -the mum was totally disorganised and "invited" people in a stupid way and the friend was silly to make assumptions about who was invited. I wouldn't be remotely embarrassed. Forget it.

Whatado · 25/04/2025 17:30

This wasn't your fault. It was the mums for being so badly organised.

She told the other mum to let people know so she did.

It says more about her as a person than you that she even passed comment. I mean it's a beach, so it's not like she was paying in a play centre.

Don't feel bad, and your little one won't realise.

Goditsmemargaret · 25/04/2025 17:35

Honestly I know you're embarrassed but it wasn't your mistake. If you want, explain to the mum - but just to make yourself feel better.

FairBrickBiscuit · 25/04/2025 17:35

It’s not your fault at all - poor you.
Sending hugs and I hope you feel better soon.

Anywherebuthere · 25/04/2025 17:35

Not the birthday childs mums fault. Your friend obviously misunderstood and communicated it to you.

No harm done, it happens.

Browndoor25 · 25/04/2025 17:36

Goditsmemargaret · 25/04/2025 17:35

Honestly I know you're embarrassed but it wasn't your mistake. If you want, explain to the mum - but just to make yourself feel better.

I don’t want to make my friend look bad though. 😬

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 25/04/2025 17:38

Pig rude of the hostess to make you feel shit.
You were already there, what purpose was served by telling you you weren’t invited but grudgingly allowing you in anyway?
No class.

itsgettingweird · 25/04/2025 17:41

Miscommunication.

However you turned to a public beach with your DD - No crime against that!

I know of a woman who held her DS birthday in a public park. The local one everyone uses all the time. Kids turned up to play in the park whilst the birthday boy and invitees were there. No one even went over to her. Not those who weren’t invited those parents sat in park with coffee from van and chatted.

By hid did she moan about it 🙄

But believe me it said more about her than those who turned up to play as they do every week!

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 25/04/2025 17:41

Browndoor25 · 25/04/2025 17:36

I don’t want to make my friend look bad though. 😬

If the birthday mum went around telling people she was trying to invite "everyone" then she has to take a portion of the blame for it. Everyone includes you if you all attend the same nursery. If it was the older children only she should have made that clear. Friend shouldn't have assured you without checking, but I can see how she made the mistake. Overall, I'd say you were least to blame out of everyone. It's just a mistake. It's a bit of cake on the beach, it will be forgotten about in a few weeks.

QueefQueen80s · 25/04/2025 17:42

Anywherebuthere · 25/04/2025 17:35

Not the birthday childs mums fault. Your friend obviously misunderstood and communicated it to you.

No harm done, it happens.

I think it is her fault… she told the friend to invite everyone, and then made OP feel unwelcome and said younger ones weren’t invited but other younger children showed up.
She should have invited people properly. And then once OP showed up with present etc then just welcome her

BlondeMummyto1 · 25/04/2025 17:43

Kids parties are like weddings. A minefield and someone is always left out or unhappy.

Your friend was being a little interfering by assuming everyone was invited but the party mum shouldn’t have really pointed it out. I certainly wouldn’t have.

I wouldn’t start comparing other children to your own though. They may be friends outside of nursery.

Hols2024 · 25/04/2025 17:45

Oh wow so rude to say you’re trying to catch everyone to invite them and then wonder why people got invited that they didn’t want to come! Totally not your fault and I would keep my distance from that mum as she sounds horrible - I hate it when people exclude others! Fair enough to have a small party but only to exclude just a couple of kids is mean in my opinion. Don’t feel bad for turning up you didn’t know but in future I would check with the actual host so you don’t end up embarrassed again.

Lostcat · 25/04/2025 17:46

KilkennyCats · 25/04/2025 17:38

Pig rude of the hostess to make you feel shit.
You were already there, what purpose was served by telling you you weren’t invited but grudgingly allowing you in anyway?
No class.

This

so sorry OP that’s shit but don’t feel like you did anything wrong xx

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 25/04/2025 17:51

Not your fault OP.

I bet she accepted the present you brought?

crimsonlake · 25/04/2025 17:54

Not your fault, be kind to yourself.

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 25/04/2025 17:56

Definitely not your fault. Maybe have a chat with birthday Mum next week if you want to explain at all, but honestly you don’t need to justify yourself, crossed wires and she organised the party badly.
I’m sorry about your Ddog and Dcat ❤️

Eldermillennialmum · 25/04/2025 18:02

Whatado · 25/04/2025 17:30

This wasn't your fault. It was the mums for being so badly organised.

She told the other mum to let people know so she did.

It says more about her as a person than you that she even passed comment. I mean it's a beach, so it's not like she was paying in a play centre.

Don't feel bad, and your little one won't realise.

surely it's the fault of the friend who said OP was invited!

Nazzywish · 25/04/2025 18:03

Didn't she try and make you feel welcome anyway though? Give dd cake etc? I can get the mistake by friend- but I'd be going out of my way to make you feel.welcome if I could see it was a genuine mistake ,unless she hates you or dd.....

arcticpandas · 25/04/2025 18:06

How rude of her to make you feel like shit! On a public beach ffs. Surely she understood that there must have been a misunderstanding. Well, don't invite her for your dd's bday.

Epidote · 25/04/2025 18:07

YABU to give it a second thought. Mistakes happens.

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 25/04/2025 18:08

I wouldn’t have said that to you if I was the birthday child’s mum. People are dicks. Don’t think any more about it op. Sorry about your pets. Hugs x x

pistachio83 · 25/04/2025 18:13

Poor you, I really wish they had been more welcoming. The host sounds very unkind. It’s a beach ffs. Definitely not your fault. These are not your people!

Totallytoti · 25/04/2025 18:14

Actually I do think you should have checked with the mother directly. After she saw you and didn’t mention a thing, it was up to you to check with her and not your friend. I don’t know why you would just go with that? Just like any other event, you go if you’re invited and you would always check with the host otherwise?
i also don’t blame the mother for being annoyed because inviting 10/20 kids is a selected group and she probably didn’t cater for extra people.