Is it selfish to take this job?

[Neapl]

I’m a single parent to dd who will be 3 in December. I have been offered a job with a substantial pay rise of 92k. However it means I will need to be in the office by 9 and won’t be able to collect DD from nursery until 6pm. So she would be there from 8:30am to 6pm which feels like forever for such a small child. I can work from home one day a week in this job.

At the moment I work largely from home and can drop her off at 9am and collect her at 5pm. I can also keep on top of things at home as I work from home nearly every day and can sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, collect her at 3pm. But the pay is less (I’m on 70k) and unlikely to get any proper pay rise again at this company.

I feel like she is so small and it is maybe very selfish to take a job that will essentially make me less available for her. I don’t know what to do. Her dad won’t help or do more, he just sees her every Sunday for the day so nothing can change there.

Sorry, can you just clarify is the pay rise from 70k to 92k, or a pay rise of 92k taking you up to 162k?

The difference will help people advise

It barely an hour extra a day at nursery whilst you save for her future? I think you’re being too hard on yourself!! You’re not ‘less available’ you’re just providing a safe and secure home for her lifetime whilst she is looked after and cared for and with friends.

Hi op I’m usually on the side of less money to have more time with dc. But I have never been a high earner so would not know what that type of wage is like. It’s a massive increase. This seems a lot of money not to give it a lot of thought. If you take this job what affect will it have on you for school holidays, unexpected issues at home, sickness with dc. How much more tax will you be paying. Could you afford to hire help on this wage to pick up dc when in school you need to look further into the future with school time as well as nursery. school s a whole different ball game once in school. 13 weeks off plus inset days. Good luck deciding.

I would t think twice, OP. It sounds like a good opportunity. I’ve generally found that seniority increases flexibility, anyway.

Is it a pay rise OF or TO 92k?

If it's the former, sounds like you could afford a nanny until she goes to school.

the increase in money will serve you both well and make your life easier, do not feel guilty about planning for your future.

Sounds like you’re only 30 mins from work to nursery which is great. Take the job and take the money. If you can afford a nanny, it might give you more peace of mind.

I think OP means she would be earning £92k which is a substantial increase from £70k

If your increasing your pay to 162k then you could look at a partime nanny/housekeeper to cut down the length of time in nursery. They could pick up dd earlier and have dinner ready for you and dd

I would take the money and hire a childminder who will mind your child in the home, and a cleaner.

I'd take the job. Like all jobs you don't need to stay in it for ever, just a couple of years.

Just to add, if the new job isn’t so stressful that you can’t enjoy your time off, then yes

@randomchap sorry, it’s from 70 to 92 but also has a 15% bonus on top

I would take the money. It's not a massive difference in hours to what you are doing now, and you can WFH one day a week. I might think differently if you currently had more time with her, but it's only a short time extra a day.

I'd get a nanny & have her looked after at home. It won't be that long before she starts school anyway.

@MellowPinkDeer i think it’s more that I feel I will be in more of a rush, less flexibility if she has a sleep in etc now I can do what she likes within reason. Just feel so conflicted

Congratulations OP
Take the job. The extra money will be so useful of your and your daughter's future. Kids are so adaptable - she will be fine.

Deleted my response as misread

Once they start school it gets even more complicated - would you ever get to see a school play or have a quick after school chat with a teacher ?

when I had a similar choice I went for more time with my child and it still feels like the right choice - I went for small home and less posh area etc. if you have enough to get by, having more money doesn’t necessarily buy happiness

@MrsKateColumbo no 92k. Sorry I’ve not explained well in my OP!

Sorry i misread thr update

Congratulations on the job offer OP!

Agree with a nanny/ mother's help, but keep her in nursery/pre-school at least a few days a week as well as she'll benefit from that at her age. You will soon need wrap around care once she starts school anyway so might be good to find someone now that would be willing to continue supporting you when she starts.

Also, earmark some of your extra income for a cleaner/housekeeping service so that you can make the most of your time not at work.

Take it

You’ll get into a routine and I agree with some other posters about how flex comes along with more senior roles. I think you’re really being tough on yourself, you’re doing a great job for her. She is fine, it sounds like a brilliant opportunity for you too !