Is it selfish to take this job?

[Neapl]

I’m a single parent to dd who will be 3 in December. I have been offered a job with a substantial pay rise of 92k. However it means I will need to be in the office by 9 and won’t be able to collect DD from nursery until 6pm. So she would be there from 8:30am to 6pm which feels like forever for such a small child. I can work from home one day a week in this job.

At the moment I work largely from home and can drop her off at 9am and collect her at 5pm. I can also keep on top of things at home as I work from home nearly every day and can sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, collect her at 3pm. But the pay is less (I’m on 70k) and unlikely to get any proper pay rise again at this company.

I feel like she is so small and it is maybe very selfish to take a job that will essentially make me less available for her. I don’t know what to do. Her dad won’t help or do more, he just sees her every Sunday for the day so nothing can change there.

I wouldn't do it personally. As you say very long day for little one to be at nursery.
Currently you earn a good salary and have a work life balance. Take the other job and sounds like your work life balance will suffer.
I would prioritise being around for my child as much as possible whilst she is so young.

😂 Makes sense.

Agree 💯.

Right let’s be clear, you work you make compromises. That’s how it goes.
No one ever asks a man to justify not being at school gate or at every school event. Only women get berated for any absence at a school event
I only ever read women getting berated not the six figure men, the men are expected to provide and have good income stream

If your bonus takes you over £100k you'll lose the extra 15 free hours so may end up worse off but if they're 3 it's v short term.

I imagine once you start the job and are settled in you'll be able to build in some more flexibility, most workplaces now allow for parents and commitments etc...

Take the job!

Ignore all this nonsense about missing out and adverse impact on child. It’s another a presenteeism competition
Take the job. Be solvent and mobile in your career

How much do you need the £?

If you are happy in your current role & managing financially then you can regard not taking the promotion as paying for time with your child and the flexibility you have.

What are you future job prospects?

Working FT as a lone parent really only gets a bit easier mid way through secondary, when they don't need childcare during the holidays.

Do you get financial support from your child's father?

When will your child start school? What plans do you have in mind for then? Are there childminders in the area open til 6pm and what about holiday clubs

You could tell your current employer about the offer. Sometimes the reaction shows you how valued you are, or not.

Do what every working parent does Throw Money at it and good planning

Congratulations on the job offer!

I don't think it would be selfish to take the job at all. You need the financial security for your little family. Don't think this as an insulated job, as in any pay increase you'll get now will effect how much your salary will be in the next job too. It shouldn't but in my experience it does.

Your daughter will be fine, and after a while if you think it is not the case you can always look for something else then. Around where I live more than 50% children is in nursery 8am-6pm and then wraparound care when they're in school.

Make sure to check the tax implications and make adjustments to your pension etc. accordingly. Most HR/payroll teams that I worked with would have been helpful with questions like this.

Whatever you choose to do, remember it was the right decision at the time, and do not feel guilty for taking or not taking this job. You've done amazingly getting the offer, be proud of yourself whatever the outcome is.

Could you consider doing the new job but only working 80%? Salary would be very comparable and an awful lot stress.
I work 80% (but am not a single parent) and it makes everything make manageable.

i’d be worried about my employer’s expectations of me on a 92k job

I would get a nanny rather than nursery so she’s in her own home

As the grandchild of Bevin boys, I'd like to say fuck right off, then when you think you've fucked off far enough, fuck off some more.

10% of men conscripted were sent down the mines instead of into the military. They did dangerous and difficult work for the war effort. Death was not uncommon. They were not cowards, nor mentally or medically unfit.

You should be thoroughly ashamed.

Ironically proving my point with your gallant, gentlemanly response…

I think that's a really long day, but given its only an hour extra that she's already doing, take the job if you want it. Could you use the extra money to pay for a nanny/babysitter for one day so she can have a day off? Or maybe 2 afternoons?

Your current job sounds great for your circumstances (great pay and flex)

I wouldn't take the new job for the money unless I absolutely had to. Sounds a lot more intense of a life, I hate being wrecked and rushed after work

But if it's a role you will be happier in and came manage it all...go for it.

Are you seriously saying that the Bevin Boys and those other men in reserved occupations were cowards and mentally/medically unfit?

If so, you do not deserve a gallant, gentlemanly response. You deserve to be told to fuck off and learn some history.

Again, you should be ashamed. Those people strived for your freedoms, whether they were in the military or not.

Go read a book.

Wind your neckbeard in, incel. We’re obviously talking about draft dodgers.

So you can unwad your panties now.

Who said dimwit eugenics is dead?🙄

Shameful

I am aware of this having paid out for nursery, wraparound care and holiday clubs for the last 11 years. However not all of this provision is available in every area of the country. Some school have no wraparound care, don't have regular childminders in the area or holiday clubs that start and end in line with the working day (8am-6pm). There are many clubs that only offer 9am-3pm.

I wouldn't take the job OP, you can't buy flexibility or time with your child, you'd be getting, what, an hour a day with them? Plus the flexibility of working at home.
You're obviously good at what you do, another job offer will come along at a better time.

As a single parent to 4yo twins with a father that also doesn't contribute, I understand the guilt by working more, I had a similar decision to contemplate last year. But I'd say take the role. You're always going to have to have some wrap around care/at least some after school care when she starts school so it's okay for them to get used to the longer hours now. But it's not an easy life paying for children solo, and costs keep rising, so if you can up your salary by 20k+, I would. Life is expensive. Just make sure you have the best weekends together (when not at dad's). Pick her up from school when you can. Get a cleaner. If you can do some work from home days squeeze the washing in then. Plus you're still under 100k so will get the childcare benefits.

An ideal life would be to have more time with our little ones, but for single working parents, where the other parent doesn't contribute, the reality is life is expensive, the future is uncertain, and we've got to set ourselves up for financial security because we're the only person our little ones can rely on. Just make the time you do have together magical 🙏🏽. Good luck which ever decision you make!