Is it selfish to take this job?

[Neapl]

I’m a single parent to dd who will be 3 in December. I have been offered a job with a substantial pay rise of 92k. However it means I will need to be in the office by 9 and won’t be able to collect DD from nursery until 6pm. So she would be there from 8:30am to 6pm which feels like forever for such a small child. I can work from home one day a week in this job.

At the moment I work largely from home and can drop her off at 9am and collect her at 5pm. I can also keep on top of things at home as I work from home nearly every day and can sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, collect her at 3pm. But the pay is less (I’m on 70k) and unlikely to get any proper pay rise again at this company.

I feel like she is so small and it is maybe very selfish to take a job that will essentially make me less available for her. I don’t know what to do. Her dad won’t help or do more, he just sees her every Sunday for the day so nothing can change there.

Just to clarify it’s a pay rise TO 92k.

What difference will the money make to your life? Personally if you’re not struggling for money now I wouldn’t take the job; I’ve done the full time in the office role with a young child and it was so tiring. I wouldn’t change the mixture of working from home and office visits I have now unless I was really struggling for money

If you are concerned about the loss of quality time, you could always hire a cleaner and/or buy food in. That way, you are spending less of your time together needing to do housework and cooking.

This will be very good on the weekends where most of your attention is with your dc , not housework.

Could you negotiate 4 days per week at the new job? You’d end up with the same money overall but one day free with DD.

I usually come down on the side of more money BUT I think you'll find it a lot more stressful to work in the office 4 days a week and manage everything else as a single mum. Id be more worried about your quality of life rather than impact on your DD. Do you know what the working culture is at the new place - eg will you be frowned on for leaving on the dot every day for pick up or expected to do extra hours in the evening. Make sure you look at the actual take home pay once you factor in the 40% tax rate and loss of child benefit too.

Op will only have one day a week with her child and a few hours max at night ?

Like the majority of working parents with a non-resident other parent.

So you’d only have one day a week with your child? Presumably, by the time you’d pick her up from nursery at 6pm and then done wind down, bath and bed, you’d hardly see her?
I wouldn’t personally but then again I’ve never been very money driven.
I’d rather quality time but I appreciate that everyone is different.

@Neapl id consider loosing child benefit , more childcare costs or not .
How much more tax will you pay ?
Id then think about only seeing my child one day a week and a few hours at night unless it’s a holiday or annual leave .
Does your nee job give you more annual leave or less
d look at you and your Dd quality of life now and how it would change with the new job.
Then it really depends if you’re more career driven than maternal. How you handle stress and would it effect the home life with more responsibility at work .

Take the money and build more financial security. Get a cleaner to help you feel on top of things and create a routine to help with that. Enjoy your child free day at the weekend!

Not being able to WFH more also means less time to do little tasks during the day like putting a wash on or emptying dishwasher.
with the bonus you are over 100k, are you able to put enough into your pension so that you can still access childcare funding?

your DC is still so young and the question is also how busy is this new role, will you have to work overtime and have to travel? What happens if you have to stay late? How desperately do you need extra money or are you managing ok now?

personally I wouldnt do it yet, they are only little once, you never get the time back but it sounds like you are very qualified and can get highly paid jobs easily.

Take the job and get a nanny to look after her at home. Then your child can still have lie ins and less rushing around.

If your increase is 22k and you are likely paying 50% tax this would make it 11k is ur current job ok or do you want to leave?

There is nothing here about job satisfaction, job progression opportunities in your post.

Simply a balance of time and money. No for me the extra money would not on its own be enough to give up the flexibility and hours I currently have particularly with the demands of school.

So what other positives does it bring or is it just more money

I think it's an incredibly personal choice, OP.
One no one else can make for you.
It's not selfish in the sense that whatever surplus you make will also benefit your child. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here.
The question I have is: do you want this life? Do you want to be in the office these extra hours? Do you want to spend less time with your child? Do you want this new job? Is the extra money going to bring you more joy? Do you want to hire help around the house to free up some time?
None of these questions have right/wrong answers. Just ask yourself why you would make this choice.

I dobt think she gets child benefit anyway? It stops at £60k?
What you can loose @Neapl is the tax-free childcare due to the 15% bonus on top of the £92k (which will put you over the £100k threshold).

I would take it, 100%. In my experience and opinion, kids appreciate the experiences with their parents that they can remember, not the drudgery daily stuff that you can but they can't.

Meaning - my children who are now in their teens, don't remember a single thing from when they were three and at nursery, but the child that wasn't at nursery....also doesn't remember anything lol. They have memories like going to the zoo, trips away, events you know. But nursery? No, they don't. The earliest they really remember is pre-school and even then, it's hazy.

They do however remember things from holidays and being able to attend school events when they were a bit older, and by then, you'll be well established and can make allowances round school things.

I hope that makes sense. Women turn themselves inside out when they think about this, I've literally never spoken to a dad who had a single thought about whether it was right for them to only really be about at the weekends. Don't feel guilty. Feel proud you're able to be so successful and build a comfortable life for your daughter.

Not sure where the "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" came from LOL
but congratulations on the job offer @Neapl

Wraparound nanny! There are some lovely ones out there. We earned half what you do and paid a brilliant lady by the hour and DS loved his time with her.

You can contribute to your pension to bring any taxable income to below £100k to get 30 free hours plus tax free childcare.

You'll bring back approx £1,000 per month net. Could be useful, and it doesn't have to be forever.

Run it through a salary calculator to see how much more it would really be after tax etc.

Also, check the pension and benefits to make sure it's worth it for these reasons.

If it's all still good, then go for it.

Hi
Thats a huge pay rise. Could you consider employing a daily nanny. Or a childminder who could pick up and take her to your home from nursery. BUT lots of 3 year olds are in nursery these kind of hours. It’s the way it is nowadays. I think you should take the offer. Especially as you say there won’t be another in the future.
Good luck and don’t get weighed down by Mum guilt.

Are you struggling on 70k? If not I wouldn’t do it. Sounds like a lovely salary where I’m sitting (but I am in a very cheap part of the country). I work freelance in a role that can be sometimes 8-4 and sometimes 8-6 and I notice a massive difference in my child’s insecurity levels when I’m doing longer hours. But being able to save money is a wonderful thing, especially as a single mother so I respect you might have to do it!

Yes. But no one suggests this is ideal do they?

Take the job. Get a cleaner once a week for 2 hours. Do food deliveries. Spend the additional salary on making weekends even more special with your child