Is it selfish to take this job?

[Neapl]

I’m a single parent to dd who will be 3 in December. I have been offered a job with a substantial pay rise of 92k. However it means I will need to be in the office by 9 and won’t be able to collect DD from nursery until 6pm. So she would be there from 8:30am to 6pm which feels like forever for such a small child. I can work from home one day a week in this job.

At the moment I work largely from home and can drop her off at 9am and collect her at 5pm. I can also keep on top of things at home as I work from home nearly every day and can sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, collect her at 3pm. But the pay is less (I’m on 70k) and unlikely to get any proper pay rise again at this company.

I feel like she is so small and it is maybe very selfish to take a job that will essentially make me less available for her. I don’t know what to do. Her dad won’t help or do more, he just sees her every Sunday for the day so nothing can change there.

Congratulations. When my kids were younger oe of their classroom assistants who finished soon after them would bring them home, give them a snack and do the homework. If I was organised enough to leave dinner prepped she would but it on too. She was a god send. She was also willing to collect them and bring them to breakfast club in the morning on her way to work. She only done this occasionally as I drive past their school on the way to work. Could you look out for someone like this or an childminder even a couple of days a week? Crèche or primary school assistant. At least your daughter would be home earlier. Good luck

I worked full time office based until covid with small kids in nursery. I was actually a lot better mentally with the split between work and home. I don't think my kids were any worse off. Thats a huge opportunity to pass up and a salary most people can only dream of. Take it with a view to review in 1 year.
Save the additional cash and put it aside, if its not working in one year then you have a nice buffer of savings you can take time out to look for something else more remote.

Take the job. Your DC won’t notice an extra hour.

I would take the pay rise, it sounds like a good step for your career, it’s not a radical change for her in terms of hours in childcare and most importantly it increases financial security for you and your daughter which is even more important when you’re just on your wage.

I'd definitely take it whilst you have the availability of nursery hours...it becomes so much more difficult when they start school, but by then you may have established yourself enough to request more flexibility.

Yes but for what could be a 50% payrise (inc bonus) that’s a trade off worth making I’d say.

Ok the position around £100k pay and losing childcare needs working through. But getting this promotion makes the next one even easier.

For a single parent financial resilience is super important. I would take the new role like a shot.

Fab suggestion.

You are not selfish at all, it’s good for her for you to earn more money (if that’s what you want).

Keep in mind if you are getting a bonus as well,

• after 100k you do start to lose personal allowance
• after 100k you lose any free childcare hours

This can all be mitigated by increased pension contributions, but just flagging as it might not be as lucrative as you think.

Also, don’t underestimate the value of having a well established job and the flexibility that this offers. Will this new job require a higher level of effort and pressure?

Most importantly, this will not be the only time you can move on. Opportunities will always be there.

P.S Congratulations on the amazing offer!

Could you take the new role, but request adjusted hours/ more home-working/ flexi-time?

It's not a 50% pay rise in real terms though, as the raise is in the higher rate tax band. It's under 25%. And with the bonus (they are always discretionary), it's 40%.

She wouldn't lose TFC at £100k though.

Tbf she isn't going to be going to school for more than 2 years

going against the grain I'd say no

WFH is worth so much as parent of a small child - as you say - so much more flexibility.

How much more per month is it after tax? And what room for progression? Is it going to make substantial difference to your life - for me the lack of ability to
work from home (not the hours) will be tricky especially when they’re at school.

I think take it too, it put you on a different ladder. But look to the future re childcare, how will it look when she's in school, can you get a nanny or childminder.

Take it, give it a year then reassess.

Well done OP !

As a woman in her fifties who took a step back, I totally agree. It's taken me blood and sweat to get back into the ladder, and I'm certainly not as senior as I would be if I had stayed the course.

Having said that, I do not think career is everything, but on close to 100k you can make savvy decisions with your money:

• prioritise your kid having access to her/his own home even if you are working, e.g. by hiring a nanny. This will provide 121 care when you are not around. When I went back to work part time I had a nanny that either spent the day with my children or collected them from nursery on the days they had school. It was 50% of the time when they were little. The nanny would also cook meals for the kids, wich meant I had something to eat back from work too
• Have a cleaner - 3 hours a week, or 2 hours twice a week if you'd like her to do laundry. You are more available when you are around (and a lot less grumpy) if you are not laden with housework
• CONGRATULATE YOURSELF! you can do do both, and do it well. You have been given this opportunity because you deserve it.

Best of luck!

Oh I wouldn’t bother for that.

What do you think people did before wfh was a thing????

At this stage I wouldn’t take the new job. There’s a lot to be said for wfh, more time in the office means a commute and you’ll definitely be more tired. Personally I’d wait a few years before looking for another job. Making your life as easy as possible is key when you have small DC. I do appreciate that more money can make life easier though!

I work FT kids in nursery 0730 to 1800 they are flourishing happy children
I work because I want to. I’m good at it, I value my career
Lose the guilt and unnecessary handwringing , honestly!

You just need to buckle up and ignore the mother superiors with their comments and judgement
Being mum, it isn’t enough, I want to work. It’s a significant part of who I am

Teacher 1-5 year olds here. They might not remember now, but they certainly are aware when they are that age..even the smallest ones ask multiple times when their dad or mum will be there. They absolutely love it, but they still ask for their parents if they have long days.

But for that money I’d take the job, it’s only 1,5 hrs difference now anyway.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

One thing to consider OP, is how your new salary will impact your tax free childcare.
Once you go over £100k you lose everything, so most of that bonus is going to go into your pension to avoid that trap. Otherwise you’ll probably be better off staying where you are (envelope numbers) and not losing the childcare.
If you’re comfortable with dumping your bonus into the pension to maintain that, and the extra time commitment then go for it.
If not, just be aware that when all is said and done, it might be a lot of effort for not much / no extra.

I’m not from the UK but why is it that there are so many crap fathers? I’ve lived in many countries, but never ever heard of so many single mothers and absent fathers. Weird. Don’t the men want to see their own children, why not?

I'm on the fence.

If you want the new job more than your old job then yes, I would take it. It's not that much more nursery time and the extra money is a nice bonus.

If you don't mind which job you do and are only thinking about the salary increase then I wouldn't. You're already on a very high salary so don't need to make more and your lifestyle would suffer.

But neither option is selfish at all. Do what's right for your job satisfaction.

Loads of great British men were killed off in the 2 world wars and never got to pass on their genes, so it’s largely the descendants of the cowards and mentally/medically unfit who we have as our dysgenic menfolk today.

Pickin’s are hella slim.