Called out colleague in team meeting

[Vergus]

I have a colleague, let’s call her Sophie. I’ve worked with her for 5 years, albeit not in the same workstream. We only come together for an all-teams meeting, which usually takes place online. For some reason she dislikes me. Whenever I speak up in the team meeting I can see her sniggering and laughing and typing to her friend. It only happens to me. Today was so obvious. She was pulling weird gurney faces (when you try not to laugh and are violently suppressing it.)

She has no reason to be threatened by me - I am below her on the professional rung, I am 10 yrs older than her, I have never done anything that might offend or provoke her. The team manager and other colleagues think highly of her. She is very driven, and has excellent relationships with others. And yet she has clearly decided to target me.

I’ve put up with this shit for years and today I had enough. I could see her laughing away in the screen - I’d only been speaking 2 mins. I said - “anyway, I can see Sophie laughing so I’m going to shut up now.” She then blustered on with something like - “no, I didn’t know what we were discussing - the data or the finance aspect.” I explained what I’d done again very briefly and then said “but that’s me done, I’m done,” and then my agenda item was over. By this point I could see the messaging was still going on between her and her mate but no more laughing.

I turned off my camera and within seconds a message popped up from her. “Are you ok Vegas? You’ve disappeared! You are very articulate.”

I haven’t replied. I am not sure I should. I am fed up with her making me feel bad, and then not having the fucking courage to own it but texting me separately to smooth things over and get me on side. I believe she wants me to say “yes, I’m fine!” but fuck it, I’m not, because I’m not done, and I’m actually quite upset. I am a 43 yr old woman who feels like she’s being picked on in the school playground. I can see her visibly sniggering at me - it’s gone on for years. And no one else notices (mostly men who don’t notice tbh) but today I just had enough. I want her to leave me alone

I hate that shit. Well done for calling her out

If the management think highly of her, the risk is that you came across as paranoid and neurotic by saying what you did. She will love that if she does dislike you.

You need to speak to your manager

I doubt this is true tbh. If the men are really that oblivious to have not noticed the sniggering then they'll probably have already forgotten your comment tbh.

Good on you!! And don't reply, I wouldn't

I wouldn't bother answering her, especially privately
You've said what you've said hopefully she will back off and if she doesn't keep calling her out. I hope you are glad you stuck up for yourself

I said management, not men!

Reading that made me think of: 'Fuck off Helen.' in Bridesmaids.

Good one - hope you don't get shit for it.

This!
Your manager needs to discuss with Sophie's manager Sophie's lack of professionalism here.

Ignore her. You've called her out, so now just act as if nothing has happened. If she continues to be juvenile during meetings, then let her carry on.

Her behaviour says more about her than it does you, it shows how immature she is.

I nearly typed out a reply……and then didn’t. I think the fact that she messaged me directly afterwards gave her away. She is worried about her professional image and is very much about preserving that image with management. I am not a combative person so it actually took a lot for me to say that in front of everyone. I just think it’s such mean girl behaviour, I would never do this and yet when she is publicly called out she doesn’t know how to respond

Don't reply to her. I'd put this in writing to your manager so that there's a record.

She didnt think anyone would dare, so she never thought beyond the moment. Let her stew!!

Well done you! You should stand up for yourself! What sad behaviour from someone old enough to know better.

Don't reply to the message from her, let her sweat. Do you feel able to flag this with your manager?

You might think you aren't a threat to her but she clearly thinks you are or she wouldn't be acting up like a 7 year old.

Good on you for calling her out and just ignore her message.

Sending support - I could have written this one my Sophie has moved to a different target after I gave 0 attention to her nonsense. Well done for calling her out. Next step… indifference. She’s a twat, don’t give her any more headspace.

Well done, she sounds toxic.

If she's shitty enough to start the sniggering thing again, you should call attention to her again - 'Sophie did you have a question? No, I thought you were saying something'.

I totally get how some men just don't pick up on stuff like this.

Well done. And just keep on doing it

Bullies thrive on silence. Last thing they want is their bullying ways to be exposed.

Let her sweat. Don't reply and I bet its the last time you have to put up with this.

It has been a long time since I was in a bitchy office but when you say typing to her friend, is this on a work computer and to a work colleague? If yes she is on very dodgy ground because you could request a SAR in future which would probably cover those messages. My sister raised a grievance with her boss and did a SAR, it was eye opening what she had written about her both on Slack and in emails to her mate who also worked there.

Ignore her. But good for calling out the cow.

“Sophie, do you want to add anything?” But yes, let her sweat.

I actually think she’s a bully - albeit a seemingly “polite” one. At our Christmas do one of my lovely lady colleagues turned to talk to one of the seniors and Sophie suddenly leant forward watching her senior with this strange, intent look on her face and smirking at the same time as if to judge his reaction to their conversation and make a silent point. Almost a “well this will be a fun conversation,” kind of look.

I clocked it but my nice colleague didn’t (she was a bit tipsy and therefore a bit vulnerable.) How dare she pick on people like this? She never does it “up” only “down,” so this kind of subtle but upsetting behaviour to colleagues below her position it seems

Don’t reply. I had a colleague email me an apology after I called her out. I ignored it and found out later it drove her crazy!

Did nobody else react to what you said?

I wouldn't reply either, but next time she does it, I'd say the same thing but add "again". If she speaks to you in private, just say, "You must think nobody notices what you're doing, pulling faces and writing little messages whenever I speak, but you'd be wrong. Other people do notice." Then leave it at that and never explain who the other people are. She's a bully and the only way to stop it is for her to think other people have noticed.