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Original poster

Called out colleague in team meeting

214 replies

Vergus · 23/04/2025 19:38

I have a colleague, let’s call her Sophie. I’ve worked with her for 5 years, albeit not in the same workstream. We only come together for an all-teams meeting, which usually takes place online. For some reason she dislikes me. Whenever I speak up in the team meeting I can see her sniggering and laughing and typing to her friend. It only happens to me. Today was so obvious. She was pulling weird gurney faces (when you try not to laugh and are violently suppressing it.)

She has no reason to be threatened by me - I am below her on the professional rung, I am 10 yrs older than her, I have never done anything that might offend or provoke her. The team manager and other colleagues think highly of her. She is very driven, and has excellent relationships with others. And yet she has clearly decided to target me.

I’ve put up with this shit for years and today I had enough. I could see her laughing away in the screen - I’d only been speaking 2 mins. I said - “anyway, I can see Sophie laughing so I’m going to shut up now.” She then blustered on with something like - “no, I didn’t know what we were discussing - the data or the finance aspect.” I explained what I’d done again very briefly and then said “but that’s me done, I’m done,” and then my agenda item was over. By this point I could see the messaging was still going on between her and her mate but no more laughing.

I turned off my camera and within seconds a message popped up from her. “Are you ok Vegas? You’ve disappeared! You are very articulate.”

I haven’t replied. I am not sure I should. I am fed up with her making me feel bad, and then not having the fucking courage to own it but texting me separately to smooth things over and get me on side. I believe she wants me to say “yes, I’m fine!” but fuck it, I’m not, because I’m not done, and I’m actually quite upset. I am a 43 yr old woman who feels like she’s being picked on in the school playground. I can see her visibly sniggering at me - it’s gone on for years. And no one else notices (mostly men who don’t notice tbh) but today I just had enough. I want her to leave me alone

OP posts:
cryingandshaking · 23/04/2025 20:41

Or how about next time, pause and say “sorry everybody, I think Sophie is trying to get my attention. How can I help you Sophie?” while being icily polite. Or something like this. You need to call it out every single time, others will soon get the gist if they haven’t already noticed.

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:41

This is hilarious. So you are the colleague who has no sense of humour and is entirely self focused.

The person you think is laughing at you mught just be happy! Or having a laugh about anything else. Major jumping to conclusions. Lighten up.

Rhaidimiddim · 23/04/2025 20:43

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:41

This is hilarious. So you are the colleague who has no sense of humour and is entirely self focused.

The person you think is laughing at you mught just be happy! Or having a laugh about anything else. Major jumping to conclusions. Lighten up.

Hi, Sophie!

Notimeforaname · 23/04/2025 20:44

I don't feel like that was "calling her out".

If it were me I would reply to her and tell her if I see her laughing at me again I will 100% report her for workplace bullying..

Keroppi · 23/04/2025 20:45

'You are very articulate' would have me thinking she thinks I talk too much or is gossiping about that! I hate the social mind games some colleagues do
Ignore and practice an amused indifference

I also think you should request a SAR on her internal/teams convos in case she is stupid enough to slag you off on there. My old coworker and friend did this and won a few £K suing the company for workplace bullying!

blueshoes · 23/04/2025 20:46

Rhaidimiddim · 23/04/2025 20:43

Hi, Sophie!

Show quote history
Grin
Cakeandusername · 23/04/2025 20:48

I took you are very articulate to be a jibe at Op having the gumption to clearly and firmly call her out in front of a large team meeting.

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:48

Lol. But no. I would just hate to work with someome who assumed me laughing and typing in the background of a call was targetted at them. It's not the 1950s anymore.

Itisjustmyopinion · 23/04/2025 20:51

I wouldn’t reply but in any meeting now whether it’s a small group or full team meeting, anytime she starts any of that shit I would just stop talking and say “let’s wait until we have Sophie with us, she seems distracted right now”

She has deliberately messaged you privately to get a response from you that she can use against you. Keep any conversations and call outs with her public. That will piss her off even more if she values her reputation with the seniors

blueshoes · 23/04/2025 20:52

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:48

Lol. But no. I would just hate to work with someome who assumed me laughing and typing in the background of a call was targetted at them. It's not the 1950s anymore.

You are laughing and typing whilst someone is presenting and don't see anything wrong with that?

Utterly unprofessional and breathtakingly rude. I am surprised you are even paid to work when you don't know how to behave in a workplace.

Keroppi · 23/04/2025 20:54

Regardless of who the laughing and typing is about it is totally unprofessional. You presumably wouldn't be sniggering or smiling happily at nothing in an in person meeting so why tolerate it online?

Itisjustmyopinion · 23/04/2025 20:54

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:48

Lol. But no. I would just hate to work with someome who assumed me laughing and typing in the background of a call was targetted at them. It's not the 1950s anymore.

Well in any team I have been in it’s deemed very unprofessional to be having your own thing going on while someone else is presenting

Nothing to do with sense of humour and everything to do with being polite

I am surprised OP’s team manager hasn’t said anything as I wouldn’t stand for any of my team (all pretty senior people themselves) having a laugh and joke when someone else was speaking

Trickabrick · 23/04/2025 20:54

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:48

Lol. But no. I would just hate to work with someome who assumed me laughing and typing in the background of a call was targetted at them. It's not the 1950s anymore.

I’d hate to work with someone who laughs and types away when someone else is presenting on a call but there you go 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Vergus · 23/04/2025 20:55

@Itisjustmyopinion

She has deliberately messaged you privately to get a response from you that she can use against you.

Knowing her as I do I unfortunately think this as well. Which is what stopped me from replying. I don’t trust her an inch - whatever I write or type in reply will be used against me somehow. I have the feeling she wants me to “bite” because that would play into her hands. So I won’t. I hate this, it’s so ridiculous but these are the games she plays. I wish she’d just fucking go away

OP posts:
UrsulasHerbBag · 23/04/2025 20:57

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 20:48

Lol. But no. I would just hate to work with someome who assumed me laughing and typing in the background of a call was targetted at them. It's not the 1950s anymore.

No but it’s incredibly rude and unprofessional to do that during meetings especially if you are targeting someone to get them in the state OP has been driven to.

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 21:00

Obviously it depends on the meeting but it its a small team call where we know each other, no-one would be bothered, they know me. If it's a huge team call, chances anyone is watching are minimal. I have an inbox to my ears and shed loads to do. So many calls are huge wastes of time, not up to me to sit like a school kid for the bits that don't apply to me.

I am mostly interested the OP has convinced herself that her colleague is laughing at her. Where's the evidence? None. All she knows is that colleague is laughing about something. Most likely entirely unrelated to her.

blueshoes · 23/04/2025 21:02

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 21:00

Obviously it depends on the meeting but it its a small team call where we know each other, no-one would be bothered, they know me. If it's a huge team call, chances anyone is watching are minimal. I have an inbox to my ears and shed loads to do. So many calls are huge wastes of time, not up to me to sit like a school kid for the bits that don't apply to me.

I am mostly interested the OP has convinced herself that her colleague is laughing at her. Where's the evidence? None. All she knows is that colleague is laughing about something. Most likely entirely unrelated to her.

Keep digging. You clearly live up to your name.

Vallmo47 · 23/04/2025 21:05

Fair play to you OP for calling out repeated disrespectful behaviour. It’s clear she has a problem with you when it only happens when you speak. What a little bully. I would tell myself “she’s clearly jealous of me” and move on without addressing her message. Let her ponder that one!

Tapsthemic · 23/04/2025 21:05

YES!! Amazing OP 👏👏👏

I read her message as an attempt to smooth things over after she shat herself.

I would be expecting her to be overly nice to you over the next few days/weeks in a bid to demonstrate to everyone/seniors/herself how she isn’t who you’ve accused her of being. Stick to your guns and give her a masterclass in professionalism. If it does happen again, as PP have said, a gentle but assertive “sorry Sophie, did you want to add something?” works wonders in sending her a message that you’re onto her, without her being able to accuse you of being aggressive or bullying.

Motheroffive999 · 23/04/2025 21:05

I am so sorry that this has happened to you too.
This started in my workplace a month ago.
I got upset last week and asked why nobody had noticed as I was struggling.
I told my manager today.
They are speaking with her tomorrow, I feel better about it now , I feel stronger 💪
Well done for being brave and standing up for yourself.

nomas · 23/04/2025 21:06

Record the calls and report her to HR.

Itisjustmyopinion · 23/04/2025 21:07

DaftOldBiddy · 23/04/2025 21:00

Obviously it depends on the meeting but it its a small team call where we know each other, no-one would be bothered, they know me. If it's a huge team call, chances anyone is watching are minimal. I have an inbox to my ears and shed loads to do. So many calls are huge wastes of time, not up to me to sit like a school kid for the bits that don't apply to me.

I am mostly interested the OP has convinced herself that her colleague is laughing at her. Where's the evidence? None. All she knows is that colleague is laughing about something. Most likely entirely unrelated to her.

Of course you can get on with emails if there is a chance to do so without you missing key content. But you can do that without laughing and sniggering away which is disrespectful and I would have no hesitation to call you out on it

nzeire · 23/04/2025 21:08

MGG
mean girl germs

gross :(

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/04/2025 21:08

@Vergus This should be your reply, from your own post:

I am fed up with you making me feel bad, and then not having the courage to own it, but texting me separately to smooth things over and get me on side. I believe you want me to say “yes, I’m fine!” but I’m not and I’m actually quite upset. I feel like I'm being picked on in the school playground. I can see you sniggering at me - it’s gone on for years. And today I just had enough.

ImNotWhoYouThink · 23/04/2025 21:10

Firstly good for you for standing up to a bully and make no mistake behaviour like this is bullying in the workplace. These kind of people unfortunately have issues but it’s very difficult to feel sorry for them. I too used to work with a female bully. 10 great people left the company because of her behaviour which did not go unnoticed but any improvement she was told to make to get on with her colleagues better, was always short lived. Ultimately she came across as confident and experienced but she had massive self esteem issues, was dismissive of colleague’s ideas or success and was full of envy as outside of work she had no friends other than her DH.
I wouldn’t respond to the messages… no response is a response …and I would suggest you keep any contact with her to a minimum but remain 100% professional at all times. Report to HR if you feel you should. Back to work tomorrow with your head held high.