Called out colleague in team meeting

[Vergus]

I have a colleague, let’s call her Sophie. I’ve worked with her for 5 years, albeit not in the same workstream. We only come together for an all-teams meeting, which usually takes place online. For some reason she dislikes me. Whenever I speak up in the team meeting I can see her sniggering and laughing and typing to her friend. It only happens to me. Today was so obvious. She was pulling weird gurney faces (when you try not to laugh and are violently suppressing it.)

She has no reason to be threatened by me - I am below her on the professional rung, I am 10 yrs older than her, I have never done anything that might offend or provoke her. The team manager and other colleagues think highly of her. She is very driven, and has excellent relationships with others. And yet she has clearly decided to target me.

I’ve put up with this shit for years and today I had enough. I could see her laughing away in the screen - I’d only been speaking 2 mins. I said - “anyway, I can see Sophie laughing so I’m going to shut up now.” She then blustered on with something like - “no, I didn’t know what we were discussing - the data or the finance aspect.” I explained what I’d done again very briefly and then said “but that’s me done, I’m done,” and then my agenda item was over. By this point I could see the messaging was still going on between her and her mate but no more laughing.

I turned off my camera and within seconds a message popped up from her. “Are you ok Vegas? You’ve disappeared! You are very articulate.”

I haven’t replied. I am not sure I should. I am fed up with her making me feel bad, and then not having the fucking courage to own it but texting me separately to smooth things over and get me on side. I believe she wants me to say “yes, I’m fine!” but fuck it, I’m not, because I’m not done, and I’m actually quite upset. I am a 43 yr old woman who feels like she’s being picked on in the school playground. I can see her visibly sniggering at me - it’s gone on for years. And no one else notices (mostly men who don’t notice tbh) but today I just had enough. I want her to leave me alone

Well maybe they are not typing or laughing. It's pretty easy to see if someone is doing those things.

Good on you. I would have a word with her manager. It is bullying and needs to stop.

Screenshot and date everything

There may be a corporate policy banning you from private recording.

Best to openly record on Teams, with a breezy announcement

You cannot record meetings without giving notice to all attendees it is being recorded. Doing it off her own bat would be sackable. And "breezily" announcing she's doing it without her employers asking her to do it won't get her off the hook.

Well done! You dealt with it, now put it behind you. There's no need to reply to Sophie.

Ah, OK.

I think recording is common practice. I am often in meetings where people start with 'i am just going to record / trascribe this to help with my notes - assume that's ok?. I have yet to hear anyone object.

I also think the recording would be accepted in a future complaint. This is because I know of one case where a meeting was recorded in this way and what was recorded led to an apology and pay off. No queries were raised about how the call was recorded, in that instance.

Good point. Problem is I bet Sophie is good as gold when being recorded. Although, if that's ultimately what OP wants, for Sophie to be well behaved, then recording each meeting on teams could work. Its common practice to record meetings where I work, especially for people who can't attend. You state "I'm recording this call" and then get on with it.

You still need to tell people in advance that they are being recorded and there should be a valid reason for it given. OP can't secretly record it or just announce she's recording it - for what? why?

We seem to be at cross purposes.

Am absolutely advocating for giving advance notice, with a reason, as I have said in my posts.

To be honest I’m a bit puzzled by this. If you only ever really see her in online meetings, how do you know when she’s typing that she’s typing to a friend? Couldn’t she just be typing notes or something?

It’s so obvious in online meetings when people are messaging each other.

What makes it obvious, though? I’m not saying it’s not true, this just isn’t something I’ve ever come across personally. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen someone’s hands or keyboard in an online meeting, people usually just have the camera angled at their face, maybe from about the shoulders upwards. I don’t think I’d know if they were typing, let alone who they were typing to.

You can see them pause and glance at the bottom right. And then see their arms move to the keyboard position.