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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at comment DH made when TTC

221 replies

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 11:23

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

OP posts:
Mrsphilmiller · 19/04/2025 11:24

what a pig. Ew!
edited to add - If he wants to see a “scrunched bum” to just take a look in the mirror

TheQuietestSpace · 19/04/2025 11:24

Err, unless this is WILDLY out of character for him, I wouldn't even consider staying with this man-child let alone have a baby with him. Unless he comes back with a massive apology and an explanation, get rid!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/04/2025 11:25

That was insensitive and a bit gross. He’s perhaps feeling under pressure to perform, but that’s not an excuse.

BlondiePortz · 19/04/2025 11:26

Maybe he feels like a performing seal? Separate to that it is gross

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/04/2025 11:27

It's not a nice comment I suspect though it was made to cover embarrassment at not being able to perform.
Whilst I know you are ttc scheduled sex often feels like a chore rather than a fun and loving activity. I don't think planning in scheduled sex is always a good idea

WhingeInTheWillows · 19/04/2025 11:27

I think that would be relationship ending for me, knowing he needs to be turned on by someone else before he could have sex with me.

yeesh · 19/04/2025 11:27

what a prince

KimberleyClark · 19/04/2025 11:28

Being expected to perform on demand does not do much for the libido. His remark was still a bit gross though.

WickWood · 19/04/2025 11:28

What? I would absolutely not procreate with this boy!

Didimum · 19/04/2025 11:28

Do you already have children? I can’t comprehend why a woman would ever want children with a man like this. No doubt you’ll ignore advice like this and continue on, having a baby with him and then complaining that he’s a pretty gross specimen of a father and then bringing up his daughters and sons thinking this sort of mentality is acceptable. And in turn your sons will also grow up to perv over women’s bodies and think it’s ok to comment on them to their wives and your daughters will grow up accepting they will be objectified as sex fodder when they are exercising at the gym - because, after all, ‘daddy did it’.

My advice is to break the cycle.

Movinghouseatlast · 19/04/2025 11:29

That's horrible, I would hate that. Even if it was a joke.

I honestly would feel that I had got pregnant with him fantasising about other women and that would change how I felt about being pregnant.

Tameys · 19/04/2025 11:29

A really grim way to be talking about women.
If this is who he is, he certainly isn't the type of character I'd be having a child with.

Newmumhere40 · 19/04/2025 11:30

GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 11:23

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

YABU to be TTC with this absolute dick head.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 19/04/2025 11:32

Why have you chosen this man to father your child?

Firsttimemum02 · 19/04/2025 11:33

This would be ducks in a row territory for me, OP.

He has told you he needs to look at other women’s arses in order to maintain an erection.

You do realise that if you have sex when he returns, he is going to be thinking about that petite blonde who was doing hip thrusts in her bum scrunch leggings?

Grim. LTB.

isolate34 · 19/04/2025 11:33

So he expects you to be in the mood for sex when he's told you he's going to eye up women to get him going?? I totally get he might be embarrassed or feel pressured but that is a really nasty and hurtful and gross comment to make to you. It's like he's trying to make you feel insecure telling you he's off out to oggle women's arses. It's unacceptable behaviour in my book.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 19/04/2025 11:34

Well I'd not be in the mood after that comment for sure. My fanny would have clamped shut immediately.

DaisyChain505 · 19/04/2025 11:35

So he couldn’t get it up and then said once he’s gone and perved on some other women he’d be horny enough to sleep with you. Fucking gross, disrespectful and 100% not funny.

redphonecase · 19/04/2025 11:36

oh yuk. Will this be your first child? I'd stop TTC while you reconsider the relationship.....

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 19/04/2025 11:42

I can imagine him trying to look covertly but the poor women will know they have a perv scoping them thereby ruining their gym session for his gratification. Wish there could be women only gyms. Sorry you are married to such a low-life

Teladi · 19/04/2025 11:45

He sounds like an arsehole

Original poster
GemJ2025 · 19/04/2025 11:47

Well he walked in not long after I posted and announced he was ‘gagging for it’ and tried to grab my bum. I told him where to go and that I feel disrespected and upset. He says he was obviously joking..

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/04/2025 11:49

There's a reason why this has upset you. Listen to it and really think about what it is that you want.

Trashpalace · 19/04/2025 11:49

If he's making that kind of comment to cover his embarrassment or feelings of 'inadequacy' then he is the kind of person who lashes out to make someone else feel bad to alleviate his own discomfort. That is extremely immature.

How is that going to go when he is stressed out looking after a toddler who is refusing to listen to him - is he going to lash out verbally at his child?

Also, is he an appropriate role model for raising a daughter or a son in the 21st century?

almostbloody50 · 19/04/2025 11:50

That’s not very thoughtful or kind but also take the pressure of him.

This TTC stuff would drive anyone off sex so he’s being flippant as he was embarrassed, it’s was shit comment and hurtful but maybe reflect on your relationship and how he’s coping.

As TTC is nothing compared to the stress of having a baby in the house, is he just going to bugger off and watch gym girls then?

also poor bloody gym girls, going to train and those types of pervy men talking about them like that.

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