Upset at comment DH made when TTC

[GemJ2025]

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

Stop the scheduled sex (you know the timing, he doesn’t need to know). Get to the shops, buy the leggings. Have a baby!

Bloke alert 🚨

He’s vile beyond belief. How can you bear to be near him?

I’m male. This is either a wind up or your man is a joke. Maybe he couldn’t perform this morning, he should have owned that or perhaps should have lied about being tired etc. Never ever would I say or jokingly say I need to see another woman to turn me on. Even if that’s true, at least don’t say it! Good god, I’ve not been here long but no wonder so many of you have a bad opinion of men reading this.

Not a fella, ha ha… I just know what worked for me!

Unkind comment from him but if he’s usually a nice person I’d say he was embarrassed and trying to put it on you to save face. Just try and have sex every other day when trying to convince that gives you a good chance without ovulation pressure. Or maybe initiate without telling him it’s the time of ovulation

you’re more likely to get the laddy comments

Laddy?

"I'm going to the gym to look at other women's arses so I can get turned on".

A man (iahoulddomore) has posted above and perfectly explained why this is not ok/reasonable behaviour (and laddishness doesn't cut it as an excuse).

Don't be putting it back onto the op FFS.

Saying she should do ABC to avoid "laddy" comments ....it's just not something a decent man would ever say.

Just like exclaiming "she's got the best arse in our gym!" about a young woman you've passed, to your wife/in the hearing of your wife, is not something a decent man would say.

The fact that he does/says things like this ....the op stays and continues to ramp up the commitment/investment, and she is clearly grateful to posters here for posts that advise her to continue TTC and on how to try to avoid him being offensive, derogatory, cruel, sleazy and inappropriate when he can't keep an erection; says a lot about the dynamic of this relationship.

What should she do to avoid him exclaiming about his rankings of other women at the gym"s arses when he sees them? Since it's the op's responsibility to avoid scenarios in which he spews inappropriate sleazy shit about other women (?)

A bloke has made a completely on point post on this thread; meanwhile several (apparently) women are giving advice that misses the point/minimises, and colludes in continuing another woman's mistreatment. It's depressing.

he’s usually a nice person ........ trying to put it on you to save face

That's an oxymoron.

A nice person doesn't tell their spouse they don't turn them on enough to maintain arousal, and that others do, so they'll go and look at the others.

They're not cruel and inappropriate in order to save face.

They don't deride their partner's attractiveness etc in order to save face.

If the op couldn't get wet enough and the sex was uncomfortable; and instead of giving diplomatic reasons for abandoning that session, told her h that she was going to the gym to look at other mens bodies cause that would get her wet enough/turn her on enough ....would you say she's a nice person who was just embarrassed and put it on her husband to save face? I don't think anybody is would think she's a nice person. She wouldn't have a nice experience on such a thread.

Apparently double standards (to the detriment of women) are alive and kicking, even on one of the most female dominated forums on the web.

I said IF. It’s easy to just see one side on mumsnet. He may have been embarrassed and maybe a honest conversation about why he said it is more useful than just assuming he’s evil… maybe would lead to longer term happiness rather than either breaking up or this cycle where he hides his feelings with harsh words.

I'd be telling him that a decent married man doesn't go to the gym to perve on women much less tell his wife about it, and you want him to cut down/stop going to the gym.

@StrawberryDream24 don't bother getting so wound up it's just a wind up thread by someone having a laugh. OP is possibly even a man. Read all their posts on the thread.

That would be it for me, too.

Who knows.

These men do exist, unfortunately.

He may have been embarrassed

A woman who said something like that to her husband and co partner in TTC due to embarrassment would be slaughtered on here.

At all, let alone with the background of exclamations about male gym goers' bodies she sees and who has the best arse/whatever.

Why the double standards .....?

And why the softly softly gently gently, let's coach you into acting like a decent person approach.

Please reconsider this. Chances are you won’t be absolutely fine. Unless you have a prenup that entitles you to that, in many cases women end up far, far worse off. Especially if they have taken a career break to bring up the kids/allow him to focus on his career. It’s a tale as old as time. Have you read any threads on here from women who are splitting/have split from their partners? You will end up on your own with the kids, with no income and no way to earn. You won’t necessarily get to keep the house, and you will then have to hand your kids over every other weekend to a man who no longer gives a crap about you or anything you say, has a new girlfriend with a scrunch bum who is now step mum to your kids, and you have no control what happens when the kids are there.

Op jumped the shark ages ago, clearly a wind up trolly post by a massive shit stirrer

I find all this pearl-clutching about men looking at other women very strange.
I look at men, I did before I got married, then I got married and - my eyes stayed in my head and I still look. I've been socially conditioned to deny it, but I do look.
Men are biologically programmed to want to inseminate. Of course they look. They are responsible for being discrete and not pervy about it, but if course they look. I mean it's in every sitcom, in Michael McIntyre jokes (look up, "people we're allowed to sleep with outside the marriage"), even in James Herriot books, very gently.
Sex during TTC can feel very transactional, I think it can be quite hard for men as well as for women.

Stop TTC FFS! No wonder he can't maintain when you're scheduling sex!

Whole thing sounds like a nightmare, the scheduled sex, the porn addict (ED and objectifies women in front of his woman too!)

I’d run away, as Kanye says

I don’t think being financially secure is the main reason to stay with someone. One of my closest friends turned a blind eye to her now husbands shitty behaviour pre kids and now she’s got 2 kids (that she obviously loves) but with a partner that doesn’t give her a break. She gets no down time and struggles to have a life outside of her kids.

Have a serious think whether this man will share his assets and money with you as if it’s your own. Will he pay into a pension for you? Will he add you to a joint account where his salary goes into or will you have to ask for “house keeping” money?

So many threads on here to choose from as examples.