Upset at comment DH made when TTC

[GemJ2025]

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

I’m guessing he feels like shit so wanted to make you feel the same. He's a prick obviously.

Some advice from an auntie of mine which has really helped me: Choosing the man you have a baby with is the only decision of your life that cannot be undone. You can sell a house, get a divorce, bounce back financially, make new friends, anything else can be untangled.

But if you have a baby, you will be tied to this man for the next 20 years. And it will affect EVERYTHING in your life. Everything. And that you cannot undo.

I'd get on the pill and find a better man.

Wise words from your aunt, I wonder if she knew from experience.

In other words, my own wife doesn’t do it for me, but some hot chicks at the gym will. I wouldn’t be TTC with him after that. Or doing anything with him.

And that means he can disrespect (“neg”, as I believe they call it these days) his partner…? Oh, the poor man… having to have slightly scheduled sex, due to how nature and biology works, in order to create a child that - by all accounts - they both want. How awful for him.

I imagine you're being very overwhelming and emotional and taking the fun out of sex, as often happens when ttc.

OP, please don’t listen to posters telling you it must all be your fault and you need to smile more, perk up and entertain him better. It’s not the 50s for goodness sake!! TTC is hard on you both and requires work from both sides. That said, I can see how some people could act out of character during this time. I would, however, be having an open conversation with some very, very strong words and boundaries. If, on the other hand, this isn’t a one-off, I would consider if he is right for you. It’s quite a disrespectful thing to suggest - that he needs visual stimulation from elsewhere - not to mention manipulative if fully intended, and I hope you’re okay. It can be a tough journey sometimes, so look after yourself and don’t put it all on you!

Are you sure you want to TTC a baby with this pig? I get that it can get a bit “chore like” having sex at certain times when TTC, but that’s no excuse for his comment.

Just sounds like he was trying to be funny…

That's actually revolted me. So he wants to come home and stick what was made hard by other women's bums into you.
Imagine that being a child's origin story.

He has made comments about women at the gym before and he knows I don’t find it funny. As recently as last month, we drove past someone and my DH announced ‘she goes to my gym, best arse in name of town we live in’ and she looked in her early 20’s. DH is mid 30’s.

I really dislike guys like your husband.

I used to do yoga on a studio where guys would stand in the door and watch us, when we shut the door they would look through the window, then when we put paper up, they would open the door. Assholes. 🖕

He was also trying to neg you because he couldn't perform on demand.

Urgh, what an absolute pig.

How on earth can you bear to be near him, much less have sex with him?

I have the ick MASSIVELY and I dont even know him!

I'm so sorry OP. I think his comment would be a deal breaker for me. I would always be wondering who he was thinking of when he was having sex with me... because he has explicitly stated you aren't enough of a turn on by yourself. And that is cruel.

Right, so you already know he's horrible. Again, why have you chosen to have a child with this man?

Have you given us the whole story OP? Did you make any sort of comment to him about his inability to maintain?

And you are choosing to procreate with this man because.............?

Sorry, voted YABU by mistake.

He’s insecure in himself & his “ability” or lack off 😂 & is deflecting on to you to make you feel like the problem x hope you’re ok I know all the games it’s horrible 😢

Keep your legs crossed and pack your bags

Yeah see this changes everything. Why are you trying to have a baby with a man with no respect for you? Why! Do you just want to be unhappy?

This is so ominous and grim

OP.. this isn’t normal.. there are much better men out there.

Ewww. One of ny DD is early twenties and gets ogled at and commented on at the gym by men like your DH. We've always said how we feel sorry for their wives or partners because these men are misogynistic selfish pigs.
Your DH has no respect for women or for you.

It's going to get a while lot worse once you are pregnant.

As hard as it is now, do yourself a favour and seriously consider if your relationship is worth it.

You don't have to justify leaving him to anyone, you are allowed to leave for any reason you want.

I hadn’t read this when I posted at 14 46. This puts a different slant on things. I agree with other posters that he”s a pig.