Page 4 | Upset at comment DH made when TTC

GemJ2025 · 2025-04-19T10:23:00+00:00

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously. I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out. He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

Wibblywobblybobbly · 19/04/2025 13:03

Please don't have a baby with this man. Based on that comment he's going to be all over those scrunch bums when you're pregnant and then have a baby and aren't in a position to meet his exacting standards.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 19/04/2025 13:03

I am super laid back as a person but that would annoy me so much. So in other words he's away to get turned on by other women so he can have sex with you.
Nope. Wouldn't be having that

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 19/04/2025 13:04

YANBU. I’m sorry but if he can say that to your face, what does he do/say when you’re not around?

Winifredtabago · 19/04/2025 13:06

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 19/04/2025 13:03

I am super laid back as a person but that would annoy me so much. So in other words he's away to get turned on by other women so he can have sex with you.
Nope. Wouldn't be having that

Yeah it's like he has made a completely bad joke and she is understandably pissed off.

If it's a one off then ok he has slipped up, if he makes comments like that in general then not ok at all- but then why have a baby with someone like that.

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 13:06

Op that ‘joke’ was pretty loaded.

He is quietly blaming you for his lack of erection by reminding you that he can perform when it comes to the sexy women at the gym. That would be a deal breaker alone.

Then we consider his casual misogyny and disgusting attitude towards said women in the gym, and why you would want to have a baby with a man with such views, and raise a child with such blatant toxicity.

Why you would want to saddle yourself with a man that can’t keep an erection is beyond me. Is he watching porn?

Lastly, he does not care about you or having a child with you if he thinks his cheap jokes are anything but entirely inappropriate and disrespectful.

I would see this as a blessing and leave this relationship, he sounds awful.

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2025 13:07

WhingeInTheWillows · 19/04/2025 11:27

I think that would be relationship ending for me, knowing he needs to be turned on by someone else before he could have sex with me.

Yep. Men like this are the dregs in the bottom of the barrel

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2025 13:08

EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/04/2025 13:00

He is one of the creepy guys that openly stare while a woman works out. Vile.

Yep.. hate them at the gym. I go to work out not feel like a prey item. I wouldn’t dream of staring at anyone

Isouf · 19/04/2025 13:09

Sorry you had to hear that comment not once but twice!

At least you ve been warned (if you didn't know before) what kind of husband you have.

Testingmypatience1 · 19/04/2025 13:09

He really is the dregs and the last thing the world needs is more of him 🤢

Lorlorlorikeet · 19/04/2025 13:11

He is vile. It has upset you because it’s a horrible thing to say and suggests he’s a vile predator of a man.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 19/04/2025 13:16

QueefQueen80s · 19/04/2025 13:08

Yep.. hate them at the gym. I go to work out not feel like a prey item. I wouldn’t dream of staring at anyone

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One of the few reasons I quit the gym after 18 years of going 6 days a week and invested in my own equipment at home. The peak was a man who used to follow me around the gym circuits class I did and use every machine next to mine, lay next to me far too close on the mats and always take the opportunity to touch me in some way (hands on the same weights etc). The class instructor had to intervene in the end. Despite showing absolutely no interest and actual disgust at some points, he wouldn't give in. You'd think there would be an element of shame in someone physically recoiling from you, but no.
I can hand on heart say that men ruined my gym for me. No; not all men. Not the majority. Most were great. But a lot sadly.

ItGhoul · 19/04/2025 13:20

Basically you’re expecting him to donate sperm on demand, whether he’s in the mood or not. I think if I were a man, and in his position, I would be inclined to make a few barbed remarks too.

BlondeMummyto1 · 19/04/2025 13:21

Sounds like he was joking and not in the mood for timed sex.
Take the pressure off and don’t tell him about ovulation etc.

diddl · 19/04/2025 13:23

If you're at the stage of checking ovulation I'm thinking that the ttc has become a task rather than fun.

That's not to excuse what he said, especially if he's mentioned women at the gym before & you have had to ask him not to.

Winifredtabago · 19/04/2025 13:23

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 19/04/2025 13:16

One of the few reasons I quit the gym after 18 years of going 6 days a week and invested in my own equipment at home. The peak was a man who used to follow me around the gym circuits class I did and use every machine next to mine, lay next to me far too close on the mats and always take the opportunity to touch me in some way (hands on the same weights etc). The class instructor had to intervene in the end. Despite showing absolutely no interest and actual disgust at some points, he wouldn't give in. You'd think there would be an element of shame in someone physically recoiling from you, but no.
I can hand on heart say that men ruined my gym for me. No; not all men. Not the majority. Most were great. But a lot sadly.

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That's sad you gave up the gym. I've been going around 15 years and luckily there seems to be an open vibe in my gym. If I'm stuck with something I can ask a guy for help and its nothing more than him being happy to help then carrying on with his workout. Have been chatted up a few times but that doesn't bother me as it's just one way for people to meet. If there was ever a guy making me feel uncomfortable I'd raise it with the staff and im sure they would raise it him.

Unsureabouteverything · 19/04/2025 13:25

I know this is a bit off topic, but it's generally recommended to have sex every second day when TTC. Too often, and the quantity and quality of sperm temporarily decreases.

cinnamongirl123 · 19/04/2025 13:25

What a disgusting pig. I don’t think I could ever have sex with a man who “joked” like that. Ick.

JLou08 · 19/04/2025 13:28

I wouldn't want to touch him again. Could be some subtle emotional abuse there, insinuating you're not attractive enough so he needs to go and eye up other women. He is putting you down to cover his own failure. How will you manage put downs like that when your body has changed from pregnancy and child birth? It can be a very sensitive time with insecurities even for the most confident of women.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 19/04/2025 13:29

No I would be furious. There's a difference between him watching porn or watching together- isn't likely to meet them it's purely to make him feel sexy etc but him admitting he's actually watching other women at the gym and getting turned on. He will cheat on you. Men cheat when your vulnerable and pregnancy is very vulnerable and he's admitting he's using women jn the gym to get off on.

socks1107 · 19/04/2025 13:31

It’s disgusting. Disrespectful to you and the women he’s off to look at. I’d be putting ttc on hold and setting some firmer boundaries with this idiot

InSpainTheRain · 19/04/2025 13:31

That's a horrible think for him to say even if he was joking (which he obviously wasn't - he's just trying to get out of it). That would make me go "ewwww!" and honestly reconsider if I should be TTC with him. Perhaps you aren't both on the same page?

FamilyofTrees · 19/04/2025 13:33

Omg, I'd be actually fuming. I actually can't believe he'd make a comment like that.

I'm currently also TTC and not particularly impressed by the effort DH is making. We also had a failed try this last month when I was ovulating but strangely enough my period is now 4 days late. I'm still breastfeeding so I'm putting it down to hormones still settling as I really doubt I'm pregnant from our efforts or lack thereof!
We'll know in a few days, but I'm expecting a better show from him this month.

I know his work is hard at the moment (he works in London on stock trading) but it really is a struggle when it's all on them to perform and it just isn't happening.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/04/2025 13:51

ExtraOnions · 19/04/2025 12:11

Why is it different ?

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Because you werent implying that your husband doesnt turn you on and you could only have sex with him after watching a film with a guy you fancy in it.

It was a comment that you both got and found amusing. Thats not the case with the OP. He couldnt get it up, said he would be horny after looking at girls at the gym (barf) and then came home all ready for a shag.

Whatayear2023 · 19/04/2025 13:52

So when you are making life with this prince he's imaging other women... when you have cankles and a big belly how will he make you feel then... Will he have to resort to cheating if not already

Horserider5678 · 19/04/2025 13:56

WhingeInTheWillows · 19/04/2025 11:27

I think that would be relationship ending for me, knowing he needs to be turned on by someone else before he could have sex with me.

I think you’re missing the point! They’re not having sex because they want to, they’re having pre planned sex to conceive! I’m guessing he’s struggling to perform on demand which is quite common in these situations!