Upset at comment DH made when TTC

[GemJ2025]

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

I would just think it was a joke, and laugh.

We are all different though, and have different relationships.

I said my husband, last night, that I was watching The Kings Speech .. and after 2 hours of Colin Filth, I would be very much in the mood - which we both laughed at.

Your desire to have a baby appears to have clouded your judgment.

Is this really the type of dismissive, existing, immature man you want to be the father of your children?

Raise your standards.

He sounds like a nasty, rude and thoughtless person. I would be getting those ducks in a row and preparing to LBTB.

Another Prince amongst men.

So again what part of him do you think would make a good father?

Oh come on, that’s hardly comparable to struggling to get it up and then saying your off to stare at women’s arses to get in the mood, is it?

Agree.

sorry OP, I don’t know if I could get past that.

Why on earth do you want children with this man? I can see the future MN post - you’ll just have had the baby, he’ll be gagging for sex and then make a comment about going to the gym to see some more women

This, absolutely this.

I am so bored of these threads where the pressure needs to be taken off the poor struggling dh because he can’t possibly be expected to perform. It’s the woman’s responsibility to manage and track ovulation, be ready, and also make it fun and spontaneous for the dh. And if he’s rude instead of being a big boy and using his big boy words, he can lash out and dw must figure out how he’s feeling and try to help him manage it.
Also Saying don’t schedule is all well and good if you get pregnant easily but that isn’t the case for everyone, some people need to track.

op he effectively blamed you for him not being able to perform, and said he needed to think about other women and not the real person he is with. It’s disrespectful, hurtful, and also objectifying those other women that don’t want to work out with him leering at them. I wouldn’t want a baby with someone so immature. Is he going to be sensitive enough to help you in your recovery if your birth is bad? Will he make it clear that your changed body, that may be bigger, with more scars and stretch marks is less attractive to him?

So he is saying “I can’t get turned on by you, but the women at the gym do it for me”.

Ew!

Seconded.

I wouldn’t want children with a prick like this.

I wouldn't put up with this. Would actually get a divorce over it.

It's disrespectful for me and also the
women he views as objects

Why is it different ?

Yuck!!! And you want to have a baby with this man?!?

Well it wasn't funny...

He's a pig, I wouldn't want to have kids with him. Coming home 'gagging for it' now he's drooled over women at the gym, that's just crass.

I think for many men sex should be a spontaneous expression of love and be a fun thing, pressure to perform as a sperm provider might well provoke a droopy response.
So, whilst I wouldn’t condone what he said, I would forgive it.

Ew. No. Don't have a baby with this douchebag. You will absolutely live to regret choosing him as your baby's father (been there, done that).

This is the bit where you ask him to explain the joke.

Girls wear scrunch bum leggings at the gym to be noticed. You wouldnt wear them if you didnt want people looking at your butt.

Was he no longer in love with his wife and attracted to her that morning?

He's obviously not joking though is he.

So he doesn't even try end understand why you're upset, instead he just gaslights you.

Next he'll tell you you're just being too sensitive.

To be fair, expecting him to perform on cue at a pre planned appointment time doesn’t exactly sound like much of a turn on.

I’d be trying to find ways to make sex less of a prescriptive chore than it currently sounds.