Upset at comment DH made when TTC

[GemJ2025]

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

I don’t think so, he is quite crass with some of his language around sex, but I’ve found that to be a general man thing.

He is usually a brilliant support emotionally and caring. He has a great work ethic, good job and would look after us (as a family) financially to allow me to concentrate on being a Mum.

So money is more important than having a good role model as a parent?

Right, well I don’t think it is a “general man thing” to be honest. It’s disrespectful and I, personally, don’t know any men that would do this to their wives. You did say you were upset about it, right? At the end of the day, it’s up to you whether or not you stay with him for the money, familiarity, or what-have-you, but he doesn’t sound like a good guy based on what you’ve said here. Good luck with it!

Of course not, but as someone who grew up without it I don’t take it for granted

Imagine having a son and this man being their role model... seriously OP you need to consider what on earth you're doing with this man let alone having children with him.

Nah just the dog like ones.

No it really isn't. It is dismissive, disrespectful, belittling and reducing women to be nothing more than sex aids.

Do you value yourself so little?

Edit - you still haven't said how you will feel next time you have sex. Will he be picturing those women from the gym, or from TV, or the neighbour? Because he sure as he'll isn't turned on by you. He's explicitly told you this.

I worked behind the bar in a village pub for many years - believe me, the way the husbands spoke would shock you, and there wives would have said exactly what you have above.

I, too, worked in a bar when I was much younger. I’m fully aware of the type you mean. I still don’t surround myself with men like that - I can see them coming a mile off. They think they’re covert; they’re not. Been there, done that. Still, as I say, good luck with it!! I just don’t understand why women come on asking for validation that their husbands are being awful and then get upset when people say yes, your husband is being awful.

Yet you’re using it to offset, or justify, your DH’s terrible behaviour.

I wouldn’t use drunk guys at pub as a baseline for tolerable behaviour and attitudes in a partner.

When he describes the effects of childbirth on your private parts to all and sundry, will that be OK too? Because he will.

Of course not, but as someone who grew up without it I don’t take it for granted
Doesn't sound like it is your money to take for granted, if you're planning on his support while you're a SAHM.
What a pair.

That’s drinking men at a pub.. of course most are gonna be crass. Doesn’t mean most men are.

You seem hellbent on making excuses for him

It’s family money isn’t it?

I await the thread in a years time where OP is upset because he does no parenting and makes ‘jokes’ about her post partum body, comparing it to the fit birds down the gym.

Choose the father of your children more wisely!

It's quite weird to post the sort of thing you did and then end up saying 'well all men say crass things!'.... and that he can financially support you so it's okay. If this is what you think then just crack on. He's showing you who he is, you've seen it and now choosing to deflect on 'men at the pub'.

Well he’s told you that he likes fit young gym type women with tight bum scrunch leggings

if that’s his preference fine but he is a massive idiot and thick as shit to have told you that while attempting to have sex 😂

when your feeling fat tired and hormonal with a tiny week old baby - remember he’s told you what he really likes and fancy’s in a woman - what he said won’t ever leave you
jt will fester and ruin your self confidence

Cos that’s the type of women he is thinking of when your having sex with each other

how do you honestly feel knowing that when he’s is at the gym he’s looking at and thinking about fucking the bum scrunch women and probably wanks about them as well

He gross but not that much different from a fair amount of men - just that he’s thick enough to actually tell you

A general SHITTY man thing, not a general man thing.

Strange post…of course he thinks about other women when pleasuring himself. I don’t think only of him either!

Yes, why post how upset you are and then minimise the situation? If you want to accept that basically he wasn't into you but wanted to look at women in the gym and then come home and shag you, and told you, guess that's your choice. Just think about who you are choosing as your baby's other parent - because a baby doesn't have a choice.

He failed to perform and relies on other women to become aroused.

Don't reproduce with this creature. Leave the chore to someone else he is keen to run off and stare at

I've only read your posts so maybe other people have said the same as I'm about to. Apologies if I'm repeating.

Pregnancy, childbirth, the postpartum period and the early years of raising children can be incredibly tough, even for women in healthy and happy relationships. Some women sail through, some women love their bodies and feel sexier than ever, but lots don't. For lots of women (myself included) it's a time where your body feels unrecognisable, unwieldy and completely undesirable. Where you have seemingly endless very unsexy ailments like mobility issues, haemorrhoids, sickness, leaking breasts, birth injuries like tears etc. I cannot imagine getting through all of this while at the back of my mind, I'm remembering all these comments about "scrunch bums" and painfully aware that my baby's father is a total lech and an immature "lads lads lads" type.

You seem to be completely convinced that all men are like this. They aren't. Regardless of what you may have overheard in your village pub, not all of our husbands are out drinking with bad company. Some of us really are married to genuinely decent family men. If this bloke is your choice, fine. But don't settle for him just because you think better men don't exist.

So this is just a wind up thread then 🙄

if your happy with him watching women when they are simply working out at the gym and perving over them for his wank bank then crack on .

if your happy knowing that your not turning him on and he needs to think of other women in order to perform in bed with you then crack on

And it’s not really about him thinking of other women it’s the fact that’s he stupid enough to tell you and think you won’t be upset or care 😂
his stupidity would enough for me

but he’s told you he’s a pervert so at least you know.

You can’t really complain if he goes and fucks a bumscrunch wearer in the future - he’s told you that’s what he fancies

and he will most probably do it when your probably fat and miserable wirh a tiny baby and some bum scrunch leggings won’t fit over your knees 😂