Upset at comment DH made when TTC

[GemJ2025]

DH and I are currently TTC and I don’t feel he is taking it seriously.

I am ovulating currently and we’d agreed last night in bed we’d do the deed this morning. DH couldn’t ‘maintain’ for want of a better term, so said ‘I’m going to the gym, after seeing a few scrunch bums I’ll be in the mood when I’m back’ and shot up and got ready to go out.

He isn’t back yet, for those who don’t know ‘scrunch bum’ is a type of tight gym legging. He has made jokes about women at the gym before and knows I don’t like it and it feels even more this time when TTC

Am I being sensitive or would you be upset too?

You’re minimising it now just to excuse continuing ttc with him. And you’re going to give up your job? Why would you walk into a situation where you’ll end up struggling to put a roof over your kids head and without a decent income or pension? Why would you bring children into this when he’s exactly the type that will cheat on you before he’s 45. The younger model is probably just starting high school now

ah but he won’t be interested in less she is wearing bumscrunch leggings 😂

Definitely a wind up thread.. probably by a man. The OP is so concerned yet the replies are all defending him and sound like things a man would say.

Yeah there seems to be more and more of these- my boyfriend/husband did this or said that, what should I do? Just to flame the fire knowing there will be a lot of women on here ready to get wound up by male behaviour.

I'm convinced there's a condition called "baby-blind".

It's where the desire to have a child becomes so strong that women become blind to the major short comings of the nearest man that can make it happen.

You either "baby-blind" or a troll.

So you've completely changed your mind since your OP? He's 'just a bloke' and of course his behaviour and words are all absolutely fine.

OK, so you've convinced yourself for now, let's just hope you don't suddenly regain some self-respect and ruin the illusion that he's a decent person.

My priority will be bringing my children up…if we were to break up the 50% I’d be entitled to will mean I’ll be absolutely fine.

Bore off your just a troll.

Wow. That's some bar you've set yourself on the floor there

You are not entitled to 50%, that is a starting point only. You could end up with a lot less.

But whatever, you seem quite happy having sex with him knowing that he needs other women to turn him on before he can perform. The woman in front of him, wanting sex, isn't enough, but if you are fine with that then carry on. I don't know why you made this thread tbh, you don't seem that bothered.

Seen so many posts on here recently of women TTC with Neanderthal men. Is baby fever that strong that having one with a caveman is the best bet?

I wouldn’t be trying to conceive with a man who openly says he’s using me as a spunk bucket as he fantasises about other women. Call me old fashioned.

Mmm, no no no and no!
Not funny!
foabq

It’s not.

You should expect better.

If a man were to be ‘crass’ about sex, it should be about his partner unless both parties are on the same wavelength of openly discussing finding external people attractive.

Funny you chose to ignore the first characteristics of being a brilliant support emotionally and caring and zoomed right into the finances.
Almost like you wanted to make a point that isn’t there.

50% 🤣

Try 50% of nothing after he spends it on his gym bunny, hides a load more of it, refuses to engage with the divorce process, leaves you to pay all of the bills until you are in debt up to your eyeballs and then has a couple of kids with her that he favours over yours.

Yeah, you’ll be absolutely fine love. It’s the kids I feel sorry for when there are women walking into this situation willingly.

Of course the point is there, OP confirmed as much.

My priority will be bringing my children up…if we were to break up the 50% I’d be entitled to will mean I’ll be absolutely fine.
Not necessarily, his earnings will continue after the divorce and you'll have no job, no work experience, pension, or independence.
Don't ever bank on 50%.

It's not great if it's to each other, but it's nowhere near as bad as a man.complimenting other women's arses to/in front of his wife, and then escalating that much further to telling her he'll go to the gym to look at other women's arses so he can get turned on and keep it up with her, is it??!!

I actually think it's a insult to neanderthals to say they'd have told their partner they're going to look at some other women in order to keep an erection with her.

Even neanderthals probably wouldn't have been that cruel/nasty/lacking a normal filter.

I mean, if I said the equivalent to a man; I wouldn't expect him to have sex with me again or invest further in a relationship with me. If he did, I'd presume his self esteem was on the floor ...or that he was only shagging me for the sake of a shag while he got his dicks on a row.

How your h expects to say something like that to you ....basically "you don't turn me on enough, I need to look at other women's bodies to get turned on, then I'll come back and keep an erection thinking about them, 'kay" ...and for you to continue the relationship, continue having sex with him, and continue TTC with him .. .... is just beyond me.

I can only presume he's either not normal - to quite a degree - or he's got absolute disdain for you and completely takes you for granted and thinks you're under his boot and he can say anything to you & treat you like shit.

He sounds immature, unaware, ignorant, tone deaf and stupid. And gross.

I know he's passing it off as a joke.

It's not a joke though, is it.

And even if it was, it's incredibly unfunny and offensive/insulting and nasty.

So, not a joke

If you said the equivalent to him, where do you think your marriage and TTC would be at?

Ducks in a row ....not dicks (!)

You mentioned that you’d have rather he said he wasn’t in the mood.

You also mention that you’d agreed the night before to have sex in the morning.

Those two things don’t fit particularly well together. The advance planning creates unintentional pressure and makes the gentle turn down of your advances a much bigger deal. At which point you’re more likely to get the laddy comments.

That might be a conversation that’s worth having sometime there’s no pressure. Wrong time of cycle, somewhere bonking isn’t an option.

If you’re having regular sex in the right part of your cycle then targeting the specific day of ovulation doesn’t add much.

This is a really helpful and fair point, thank you. Definitely something I should consider moving forward.

Why would you want kids with someone who clearly doesn’t fancy you and has to think of other women
that is some serious low self esteem on your part

and 50 percent is the starting point

if he is self employed and runs his own business you will more than likely end up with 0

if you can’t afford the mortgage on your own and buy him out you will most likely have to sale and if you have been at home looking after the kids it hard to get back into a job where you can afford child care / mortgage and life itself

and the chances of you staying together especially if you have kids with his attitude of fancying other women are 0

he will be off with the bumscrunch woman - if he’s not already chatting her up at the gym