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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents come to stay, but then bugger off out

204 replies

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:28

Would this bother you.

See my parents maybe 3 x per year, due to distance. My Dc had a party today, so Dh took her so I could stay home with my parents, who then proceeded to go out for a two hour walk, so i’m sat in the house alone, when I could’ve gone to the party and caught up with friends.
It’s the same if we decide to have a day at home if Dd is tired, they go out and don’t really spend time with us.

Aibu to be a bit put out by it?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 18/04/2025 16:29

By didn’t you go for a walk with them?

CurlewKate · 18/04/2025 16:29

Could you have gone on the walk too?

NuffSaidSam · 18/04/2025 16:30

Sounds like miscommunication.

Why don't you make plans together for when they come and stay so you're all on the same page?

Sageviola · 18/04/2025 16:30

Could you have joined them for the walk?

FleaBeeBob · 18/04/2025 16:30

Maybe they need some space just the 2 of them

EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/04/2025 16:31

Why didn't you join them. They're probably hate being stuck in or they might be trying to give you some space too, if overnight guests.

NuffSaidSam · 18/04/2025 16:32

It's a little odd to send DH and DC off to a party if they only visit three times a year. Maybe they felt you were busy/didn't want to spend every minute with them.

Original poster
Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:32

They didn’t invite me on the walk. I was sat in pjs with mum and we were in the middle of the series we were waiting to watch and off she went

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 18/04/2025 16:33

I see nothing wrong with this. There’s no need to be joined at the hip.

Original poster
Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:34

NuffSaidSam · 18/04/2025 16:32

It's a little odd to send DH and DC off to a party if they only visit three times a year. Maybe they felt you were busy/didn't want to spend every minute with them.

I didn’t send them off, it’s a party Dd has been looking forward to, we’d normally all go, but I stayed at home because they are here

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/04/2025 16:34

You'll have plenty of time later to watch TV together. I don't see the issue, I'd enjoy the break.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/04/2025 16:35

You sound like different people. I wouldn't have been sat down watching a series during the day in my pjs with guests.

I would have declined the party as well and arrange something we could all do together, lunch or brunch out and a forest/beach walk or something.

Original poster
Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:36

TomatoSandwiches · 18/04/2025 16:35

You sound like different people. I wouldn't have been sat down watching a series during the day in my pjs with guests.

I would have declined the party as well and arrange something we could all do together, lunch or brunch out and a forest/beach walk or something.

They’re here for two weeks, dd is only going to one party, she usually does lots of things

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 18/04/2025 16:37

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:34

I didn’t send them off, it’s a party Dd has been looking forward to, we’d normally all go, but I stayed at home because they are here

Show quote history

What I mean is...if they only see you three times a year I'd probably have booked a weekend where there wasn't a party to go to. From their perspective it probably seems a bit odd/hurtful. Or at least I would have made it clear that DD and DH would be out for a few hours, but I'd love to spend time with them. It just sounds no-one is talking to each other.

Magnastorm · 18/04/2025 16:37

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:32

They didn’t invite me on the walk. I was sat in pjs with mum and we were in the middle of the series we were waiting to watch and off she went

"Hey mum/ dad, can I come on the walk too?"

I mean... just communicate.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/04/2025 16:38

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:36

They’re here for two weeks, dd is only going to one party, she usually does lots of things

Show quote history

Oh well that's better I suppose it thought you meant they're on a day/overnight visits.

You'll have plenty of time together, perhaps they like a bit of alone time factored in?

NuffSaidSam · 18/04/2025 16:38

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:36

They’re here for two weeks, dd is only going to one party, she usually does lots of things

Show quote history

If they're here for two weeks that is a bit different. In that case fine for DD to have her party and fine for them to go for a walk. There is no need to cherish every moment for two weeks! Different if they're only here for the weekend.

dddilemma · 18/04/2025 16:39

I thought you meant they were with you one day. They are allowed to get some fresh air/stretch their legs/catch a minute. They are visiting for two weeks. Appreciate the time you have with them.

FortyElephants · 18/04/2025 16:39

Lovemelovemydogz · 18/04/2025 16:36

They’re here for two weeks, dd is only going to one party, she usually does lots of things

Show quote history

Two weeks? That's ages. They probably needed a bit of time to themselves. They might be your parents but they are still a couple used to living on their own and need time to chat and connect just like every other couple. If they were there for 2 days I would have agreed. Also agree that watching TV in pyjamas during the day would drive me spare and I'd be off out for fresh air too. People are different and have different needs.

Mylegishangingoff · 18/04/2025 16:41

If they are there for 2 weeks I don't see an issue with them going for a walk. Maybe next time just communicate what your plans are for the day with each other. At breakfast just ask, what are your plans for the day, we have x and y on but we can go out for dinner if you are free or whatever. 2 weeks is a long time together without cancelling events you were looking forward to.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 18/04/2025 16:42

Surely you are all spending time together in the evening - i.e. dinner then adult chat / time when dd is asleep in bed

Wexone · 18/04/2025 16:42

what time of the day was this ? was your mother also in her pj's or dressed ? to me if someone was sitting in their pj's a good bit after getting up meant they weren't bothered about doing anything including leaving the house. if it was me would have got up and got dressed. then had a conversation about doing something going lunch etc. if they don't come often would have arranged more of agenda. I can sit and watch TV in my pj's when they are gone

Magnastorm · 18/04/2025 16:43

If they are staying for a full 2 weeks then they are being even less unreasonable.

2 weeks is a fucking long time to be visiting anyone, no matter how close you are and everyone needs some time to themselves in that situation.

huggiebears · 18/04/2025 16:44

You can’t expect them to be by your side for two weeks, they probably don’t want to suffocate you or feel suffocated themselves. I live a few hours from my parents and we usually go for a week at half term or in the holidays but we will often nip out by ourselves to give us and then some space, perfectly reasonable.

Renamed · 18/04/2025 16:46

Maybe they read all the threads on here about guests sitting around waiting to be entertained and waited on, to the point where the hosts suggest an interesting activity and pack them off for the day…