Parents come to stay, but then bugger off out

[Lovemelovemydogz]

Would this bother you.

See my parents maybe 3 x per year, due to distance. My Dc had a party today, so Dh took her so I could stay home with my parents, who then proceeded to go out for a two hour walk, so i’m sat in the house alone, when I could’ve gone to the party and caught up with friends.
It’s the same if we decide to have a day at home if Dd is tired, they go out and don’t really spend time with us.

Aibu to be a bit put out by it?

Chores, read, chat etc. I had 2 hours child free in the house this afternoon and I painted a canvas for my daughter’s bedroom. I have to say it isn’t often I have a whole day at home without the children anyway, so a bit of a moot point anyway I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I am not comfy at all sat around in jeans 😬 at home, I like baggy pj bottoms, warm socks (im winter) and a comfy, loose jumper. My outdoor clothes are just not comfortable to sit around in

You are clearly a better person than I am

It’s not a moral issue is it? Nothing to do with ‘goodness’ or ‘badness’. Just different. Like I said, it’s a moot point as I’m rarely home without the children.

Really ? not even a pair of tracksuit pants or loose trousers. only pyjama bottoms? the only "outdoor" clothes designed for outside are coats waterproofs etc. other clothes are designed to be worn inside and outside. what was your mother wearing while she was sitting beside you watching telly before she went on her walk ?

Exactly, background tv stops the background being too quiet during breaks in conversation, also something to enjoy together and creates talking points.

Exactly, no harm in it

I didn’t say there was, to be fair. Just said it isn’t something we do. As I said, it’s not a moral issue. You just got defensive.

Sometimes leggings I suppose, as they’re comfy. My mum had trousers on..slacks type ones, not comfy to me at all. She also puts a full face of make up on (natural looking) every morning, even if staying at home, we think v differently!

Not defensive at all, I find it odd and also probably not true that you never have tv on in the daytime

Well it is true, but it doesn’t make any difference to me if you believe me or not.

I adore reading, but there’s no way I can sit around reading with Dd at home…chatting with Dh and sitting around reading were the days before Dd, if only it were that relaxed now

Okay

Ok. Well we’re all different! I couldn’t concentrate on a TV programme while my kids were around.

I didn’t necessarily mean chatting to DH either (although I do do that). If the kids are there I chat to them!

i suppose we are. the one rare thing my work did really well when covid started and has stuck on my head. is that the importance of small routines every day being getting up showering washing getting dressed etc. how much all those little things being done help your brain. your mother putting in her make up is her routine it helps her feel like she is ready for the day. even if she is doing nothing

Oh for sure, I totally understand it, I just don’t feel the need to do that and don’t need that sort of routine I suppose, I dunno….may sound lazy to some

I can’t really, hence my excitement about Dd being out and me being in to watch a series in peace

Have you tried using your actual words and speaking to your parents? It's a very effective technique to improve communication. I highly recommend it.

How patronising

and I told mum how excited I was to watch the rest as I never get time alone to watch series etc because of Dd

Could she have taken that as you saying you wanted to watch it on your own?

Either way I think you need to clearly communicate what you want to do.

OK that's fine but it is very important for mental health. that's why when people in long term hospital care nursing home etc are made get up and get dressed. my own father recently went in for care after serous surgery. the last part of his recovery was to ensure he started getting up and dressed in morning all be it with help at 1st. it helps his recovery as his brain was starting ti get routine back also really helped his mood big time. he lt back at full health can't drive but he getting up showering dressed every day

Do you think they might not want to feel they are on top of you all the time and want to give you some room? Perhaps they also need their own downtime?

I can totally see that, I suppose not all people need to/like doing that though?

Routine & getting dressed in a care setting is to prevent institutionalisation and loss of ADL
Relaxing in your own home in pj doesn’t require an Intervention as it’s not institutional or deskilling
It probably about different styles
Day off I’m happy to schlep around in PJ and stream a box set. As A family we routinely do this. Get blankets, snacks and snuggle on sofa with movie