Parents come to stay, but then bugger off out

[Lovemelovemydogz]

Would this bother you.

See my parents maybe 3 x per year, due to distance. My Dc had a party today, so Dh took her so I could stay home with my parents, who then proceeded to go out for a two hour walk, so i’m sat in the house alone, when I could’ve gone to the party and caught up with friends.
It’s the same if we decide to have a day at home if Dd is tired, they go out and don’t really spend time with us.

Aibu to be a bit put out by it?

Easiest way to check is next visit say your spare room is unavailable see how much they visit when they have to Airbnb it

I think they probably wanted to give you some space. Knowing that your DH and DD went out, I bet they thought that it would be nice to give you some time alone but didn’t communicate it to you.

They’re there for two weeks three times a year! That is a LOT!

You can’t eat out every night.

Perhaps your mum reads Mumsnet and thinks they have to make themselves scare during their visit because you have your own lives to lead and you like just having your own little family around.

But if it’s not that I’m sure you can easily substitute one of the other 101 reasons people have for all but digging a moat to stop people staying or even calling in.

I agree, it seems a bit too relaxed sitting in your pjs watching TV in the daytime on Good Friday.
The only situation I'd think it normal was if you were unwell or recovering from something.

So, what would you have liked to have done? Did you ask them what they wanted to do that day? Did you want to go for a walk with them? did you just want them to watch telly with you?

I don’t get why people don’t speak to each other. Why didn’t you say ‘gimme two minutes and I’ll get dressed and come with you’. Or spend two hours watching you program without them? Or go to the kids party and let them do what they wanted to do?

Who said anything about eating out every night?

I don't think six weeks a year is a lot, personally. If it was going to be several months before I saw my parents again, I'd be spending as much quality time with them as I could. OP can watch TV in her jammies any time.

I mean, I've done just that today (apart from walking the dog) as it's absolutely pissing down and DH had to work, lol.

But I don't have guests which makes a big difference. If my parents were staying, I'd have at least asked if they wanted to go for a walk and get some coffee/cake, or wander to the beach, or something.

You said OP should have taken them out for a meal. OP can’t do that every time the car is being used.

It works both ways, they can invite OP out for a coffee.

You’re putting all the onus on OP.

I agree. Why would anyone think that someone who couldn’t even be bothered to get dressed and just watching TV, would want to go somewhere or do something. Weird. I can see why they simply left the house to get some fresh air without asking OP.

Of course all the onus is on here - she's the host!

The meal was just a suggestion (but then, you know that) - they could just as easily have gone for a walk, for a mooch around the shops, to a local museum or gallery, or just out for some fresh air somewhere. There's loads of things to do all over the country on a bank holiday weekend.

If my DH was going to be taking the car and we had guests, I'd have just said "Why doesn't Bob drop us at X while DD is at her party, and then afterwards we can come home for tea/cake?".

It's not exactly hard.

Yep, exactly.

I love a chill day on the sofa but if I was hosting guests, I'd at least ask if there was anything they'd like to do first, not just assume they were happy to sit at home with me in pajamas, lol.

Why on earth would you do that to your parents?

But why would they ask her to do something, if she hasn’t even dressed herself and is just watching TV in the afternoon you’d assume she couldn’t be arsed to do anything else.

Exactly. And then OP is surprised they left the house.

Because this is MN where everyone hates guests (or people in general), lol.

You really assume too much.

You have no idea how much OP has been doing with them.

You have no idea if they invited themselves or if OP invited them. Maybe OP doesn’t want them there that much. These people visit for 2 weeks every time, yet don’t seem to want spend time with their daughter and grand kids.

They could have suggested any of those things to OP, but they didn’t.

Because it’s a series OP’s mum wanted to watch too. It’s no crime to be in your PJs on a rainy bank holiday.

Why are you so rigid?

If they are there for 2 weeks they maybe don’t want to be in the way and are giving you space

Well, given the fact that OP is an adult with a husband and child, I'm going to assume she's competent enough to say "no" if she doesn't want to play host for two weeks. I certainly wouldn't blame her - it sounds stifling.

However, as she has agreed to host her parents, then IMO, she needs to suck it up and forgo watching TV in her jammies on a Friday afternoon in order to be polite and spend time with the people who are visiting her.

You're making a hell of a lot of assumptions for someone accusing others of making assumptions, btw 😏

I'm not sure who's being unreasonable here. I think maybe no-one? That you just don't communicate well? I think it's weird that your mum just got up and left without saying anything to you and I also think it's weird that you didn't ask her where she was going.

The only thing I can think of is that your dad didn't want to watch TV, as you don't mention him, and so asked your mum to go for a walk with him, leaving you in peace to watch the series that you've obviously said you've been waiting to watch.

True!!

Would you have wanted to go for a walk Op as I notice that you didn't say that you would have gone with them but that you could have caught up with your friends?

Sounds as if they don't like sitting around in the day time?

You’ve changed your tune, first you said 6 weeks is not a lot and OP should be spending as much quality time with them as she can, and now you say it’s stifling. 😂

When it’s your parents and they visit for so many weeks, they can’t expect their every moment to be filled up for them by their daughter.

I doubt you fill up every day of a two week visit by your parents but well done trying to sound like a perfect host. Have a medal 😂

I don't think six weeks with your parents is a lot spread out over the year - doesn't mean I'd agree to host someone for that length of time though. Two things can be true at once - who'd have thought it?

I certainly wouldn't fill up every single day with activities, but I would at least have the manners to ask my guests if they had any plans or wanted to do something before sitting on the sofa in my PJ's watching a box-set.

Thanks for the medal though, I'll add it to my collection