Brother wants me to get a sitter for a family meal.

[ThatRubyMoose]

Tell me truthfully, would you be willing to get a sitter for your children for a family meal during the day?

My brother wants to go to a gastro pub on Easter Sunday (where children are allowed) and asked me if my daughters could ‘sit this one out’. They are very well behaved. I get the dynamic changes when there are kids but FFS.

I have no issues whatsoever in getting my girls 4 and 9 sat. My mother usually does it and more recently a neighbour’s teenager.

I see my brother often and will pop into see him as where he works has a canteen so he sees me on my own quite often and he also has lots of opportunities to see my mum.

I am really hurt and annoyed.

No absolutely not ! It’s a family day. Just don’t go or tell him no

Is your hubby invited? You mentioned you can leave them with him which suggests he’s not invited either? But may have got that wrong

It's not a family meal if you're unnecessarily excluding some of the family

That said I'd ask why he doesn't want them to come in case he has news not suitable for little ears

I can only imagine it’s because he wants to get plastered and do illegal things at the pub lol expecting a family outting on Easter with no kids is crazy. Unless he doesn’t have children and just sees it as a bank holiday

This. An adult meal without interruptions is a completely different vibe!

Easter is a family occasion. I don't think he's unreasonable for wanting the occasional adult meal out, but not on Easter Sunday.

Plus, is it a bank holiday? (I'm not in the UK but it is where I am.) If it's a holiday then a sitter would probably cost more.

I'd tell him you won't leave your girls with a sitter on Easter Sunday but you're happy to schedule lunch without them another time.

ETA: I missed your post where it said Easter Monday. I do think that changes things a bit as it's not Easter itself and you'll have the rest of the weekend with them.

I suspect he wants to take advantage of the day off with a nice, relaxed childfree lunch. He's within his rights to want that, just as you are within your rights to say no.

Do you have in-laws who could look after them? That way they're still getting family time, you don't need to pay for a sitter on a bank holiday and you can go to the lunch.

I would just tell him that you'll catch up with him another time.

That’s a ridiculous request.

Is he someone who just doesn't like kids? Not really fare of him to expect you to exclude your children from a Easter Monday family meal.
I'd just say sorry can't make it I'm having lunch with my dds.

From someone who was always left out of the family plans, I would get the sitter. Sometimes it’s nice to enjoy family time as adults only.

Can't see the harm wanting a kid free family lunch. But folk seem to take it as a personal insult if their kids are excluded from anything. Just refuse if you're not happy.

Er no…plus, I would never let a stranger or teenager look after my young children.

Why? What do you think is going to happen?

I don’t trust a child (assuming most would be under 18) to look after my young child. My choice. And a babysitter who I’ve/they’ve they never met before - no way would I let them look after my child in my home whilst I went out.

Why wouldn’t you trust them?

Mainly I would trust a child to look after my child as I don’t think it’s their responsibility to do that - would they be able to cope if there was an emergency etc or my child choked on something etc. A babysitter I’d never met before - well I wouldn’t leave anyone I didn’t know in my house whilst I wasn’t there let alone look after my child when I don’t know anything about them. Plus my child would not be comfortable with that at all.

I fully appreciate that sometimes you don’t want even well behaved children at a meal. But then you don’t organise the meal on a lunchtime, especially over a bank holiday weekend.

“Fuck off! I am totally going to revisit this conversation when you have kids - for the rest of eternity.”

Easter Sunday is a day for families. If he wants to have an adult meal with you he can do this on another day. I'm sure the pub will be able to cater for your kids so he's just being U in MHO.

Have read your posts and his reason for this is lame, plus something about his phrase of them ‘sitting this out’ is really jarring. It sounds like dickhead behaviour and I’d decline the invitation.

Just playing devil’s advocate here - you say they sit quietly and are well behaved but do they respect adult conversation or do they talk over people? The only reason I ask is that I have a niece I adore but she is never told not to interrupt and it’s really hard to have a conversation with my SIL as it’s constantly hijacked by her talking to my niece and I find it melts my brain after a while. If genuinely nothing going on then it is an odd request - if you are taking charge of your children then I don’t see why your brother can’t relax regardless?

I think this thread, the opinions and the poll are all a bit skewed as it wasn’t mentioned in the original post that this was an Easter MONDAY event rather than Easter SUNDAY.
And despite the update most folk that are commenting have not seen the update, and are enraged that there is a request for the kids to be excluded on Easter Sunday.
initially I voted that you were the reasonable one, but as it’s the Monday instead, I’ve somewhat changed my mind

It’s Monday, which is just a bank holiday. I sometimes think “well behaved children” is very much down to different opinions, 🤷‍♀️

Well it isn't for db to dictate what other people do with THEIR kids at Easter time.

Well if db wants a childfree meal he can have one any time, he doesn't have to demand it at Easter time, telling op what to do with her own kids. It's hardly going to be quiet in a family orientated pub on a busy Bank Holiday, the brother sounds strange. A grown up evening meal, or nice restaurant I could understand better.

I find people like this are the worst once/if they have their own dcs as well. Hypothetical children and all of that! 😂 I remember a friend who used to judge everybody else's dcs, as well as giving inexperienced and unsolicited advice. Then she had her own children; I couldn't help but have a quiet laugh/gloat, as let's just say they definately weren't the most well behaved!