Brother wants me to get a sitter for a family meal.

[ThatRubyMoose]

Tell me truthfully, would you be willing to get a sitter for your children for a family meal during the day?

My brother wants to go to a gastro pub on Easter Sunday (where children are allowed) and asked me if my daughters could ‘sit this one out’. They are very well behaved. I get the dynamic changes when there are kids but FFS.

I have no issues whatsoever in getting my girls 4 and 9 sat. My mother usually does it and more recently a neighbour’s teenager.

I see my brother often and will pop into see him as where he works has a canteen so he sees me on my own quite often and he also has lots of opportunities to see my mum.

I am really hurt and annoyed.

It’s just the big deal people make of it being Easter weekend as the excuse. Rather than it just being a bank holiday or long weekend.

Did you not know that Easter is the holiest of all holy days in the calendar? Well it is apparently, certainly if you need an excuse why you can’t be arsed to meet someone for lunch.

Excuse for what? You don't even know if OP/other relatives will mark it as a religious holiday.

Maybe they gave up childcare for lent 😅

If it being a religious holiday wasn’t relevant why mention it being Easter Sunday in the op rather than just Dbro wants to go for a meal Sunday adults only at lunch time.

Because, as has been pointed out to you more than once now, people may celebrate Easter as a cultural not religious festival too. Easter Sunday is considered a family day by some people who don't identify at all as Christian, as well as people who do both.

None of this at all complex or controversial. And so that means someone talking about what they're going to do at Easter, a few days in advance, doesn't tell you anything about their religious observance. You're not in charge of what other people consider to be the spirit of Easter.

@UndermyShoeJoe people talk about Christmas Day even if the only thing they celebrate is Santa and don’t give two hoots about the birth of Jesus.

This weekend is Easter, Monday is Easter Monday so people are going to say Easter, whether religious or not.

And many people see family this weekend for Easter

Why do you not understand this?

I do celebrate the religious side of Easter but I accept that many don't celebrate the religious side but still see it as a festival of spring time, new life, blossom, etc. It's a time of hope with or without religion and so it can be seen as a family celebration with or without religion.

Sorry I don’t know why I said Easter Sunday, it’s actually Easter Monday but to me it’s amounts to the same thing.

I did immediately ask him what the deal was and his response was he wanted to relax. He had invited my mum as well. He is generous and he always pays or mum jumps in. I don’t know if SiL will be there or with her own family.

He has ample opportunity to see me on my own.

He would never win uncle of the year, doesn’t have an independent relationship with them. Mum used to write gift tags from him on presents she had bought, but he chats away to them.

Genuinely my girls are lovely and well behaved, obviously conversation isn’t the same when they are there.

Happy to leave them with DH, my mum or sitter in evenings etc but not for a holiday in the middle of day with family.

I think he's going to "come out" at dinner, tell you he's moving to Dubai for work for 2 years or something along those lines... something he wants to tell you all at once and not individually, so he doesn't get accused of picking favourites.

OR - you're saying your children have no behaviour issues but he very much doesn't see it that way.

But why? The op had the choice to go or not, he also had the choice to have a child free day. No worries. Whatever??? No need for the drama

But why?? That's probably his availability. He doesn't have to indulge anyone's children. The op duesjtvhavdvto attend. He's just invited her for a child free lunch! I would have jumped at that when when were small

If he is doing the inviting and paying then I'd say that it's up to him unfortunately so I'd either get a sitter or say that you won't be coming.

Firm no from me. It’s a bank holiday, it’s Easter, it’s only natural to want to spend it with your children. I’d feel dreadful sitting in a family pub surrounded by families and kids thinking ‘I’ve had to pay a teenager over the road to have my children’.

I’d say ‘no sorry, Easter is family time’.

He may be generous but only to those he cares about and who will go with what he wants - clearly not his nieces or his Mum wouldn't have to buy and wrap presents from him and he wouldn't want them palmed off on a school holiday.

If I were OP I'd be telling him to do one.

Surely no one is going to babysit anyway on bank hol Monday!

Easter is a family time so I’d say no, but I would offer a kid free lunch another time. Kids do change the dynamic and if you don’t have any it’s really not as much fun if you are hoping for a nice, long, boozy, lunch with three courses and coffee. No matter how well behaved they are, 2-3 hours of adults sitting chatting is tough and boring for little ones. You need to moderate your alcohol intake, the topics of conversation, and your language.

If you’re really lucky you may get to enjoy Poppy’s ballet moves, or Ellie’s singing. None of that is wrong or bad, but the focus shifts to the kids, and sometimes it’s nice to have a long, gossipy, cocktail and wine fuelled lunch.

Bit strange to exclude the kids for Easter lunch? I'd understand for an evening meal, but Easter lunch?! I'd say no, or stay home.

No I wouldn’t do that and I’d be really annoyed

Sounds sus. Id do it just to find out what's going on.

What dynamic do you expect at an Easter Sunday lunch with parents that would need to exclude grandchildren?

FFS, some people on MN are absolute child haters.

OP tell brother no you will meet mother on Monday with your darling children.

IME most grandparents want to spend time with grandkids their own children are an added extra.

I guess he has no children?

It’s a family time and your children should be included. I know conversations can stop and start with children present but if u bring a pack of cards, a couple of books and colouring pencils they will be fine. And stick a mobile phone under their noses and he won’t know they are there!

I thought OP corrected herself that the lunch is Monday?

wanting one adult centric event over the entire bank holiday weekend is not a large ask, especially if he is the one hosting/paying.

And your mums view?

Easter Sunday lunch at a gastropub would be a funny place to choose.

Unless of course he's going to announce his forthcoming child-free wedding and doesn't want to have to say that in front of the very children who will be excluded from it...