Brother wants me to get a sitter for a family meal.

[ThatRubyMoose]

Tell me truthfully, would you be willing to get a sitter for your children for a family meal during the day?

My brother wants to go to a gastro pub on Easter Sunday (where children are allowed) and asked me if my daughters could ‘sit this one out’. They are very well behaved. I get the dynamic changes when there are kids but FFS.

I have no issues whatsoever in getting my girls 4 and 9 sat. My mother usually does it and more recently a neighbour’s teenager.

I see my brother often and will pop into see him as where he works has a canteen so he sees me on my own quite often and he also has lots of opportunities to see my mum.

I am really hurt and annoyed.

Who else is going? Is it otherwise all adults?
I would definitely be asking why he wants this and making my decision accordingly.

I love my neice and nephews. They are a genuine joy in my life.

However they do tend to dominate everything. Most of this might be a my family thing (and is because everyone is overjoyed with them rather an reflection on their behaviour).

Recently I was trying to talk to my parents about something significant to me, but the conversation was interrupted multiple times. The focus was never quite on what we were talking about, but on the kids. Its all abit distracted. Some times I'd like to have more deeper chats with my sister or just one continuous conversation to the end and generally that only happens without them there
My family wouldn't not talk to the kids, and in a meal setting wouldn't expect them to sat there not being spoken to while the adults spoke for an extended time.

Its the same as when you meet up with friends who bring children. Its stilted half distracted conversations while people are being chatted at by kids, searching for pencils, cutting up dinners, watching that they aren't eating the pencil, admiring their colouring, telling them to wait a sec etc

Parents go out for dinner without kids for a reason

I think it's really important to make space in families for adult only time and conversation. This is especially true when some siblings have children and other siblings don't. Personally I find it quite tiresome when people treat their children as a permanent extension of themselves.

That said, I don't think lunch on a Bank Holiday is the right occasion for an adult only meal.

Well either your DB doesn't feel relaxed around your children, or he thinks you/your mother/other family focus on them to the detriment of adult conversations. Are their other children (perhaps not as well- behaved as yours) that he really wants to exclude?

He sounds like a child fgs, tell him no, either the children come to lunch or you'll not bother to come at all, does your mother know of his request?

It’s not op’s job to create relaxed adult conversation! Her only priority is to her children. What a cheek!

My opinion of him would be greatly diminished, he clearly doesn’t like your dc very much!

He doesn’t have to have a sensitive conversation in a busy pub on Easter Sunday! This is bonkers.

I would tell your mum on him

You can say no

It's OK for him to want an adults only meal, he's not actually done anything wrong. Although it does seem to be an odd occasion to choose.

But it's equally OK for you to decide that you don't want to go under those conditions.

It seems like he doesn't want to discuss or compromise, so going or not are your two options.

Easter meal during the day? Not a chance. It’s a family occasion.

He’s being an arse.

So a family meal without your family? No thanks bro.

It’s Easter lunch!!! It would be like excluding them from Christmas!!

What is wrong with him?!

I am quite happy to accept that it’s ok for events to be child free. A family Easter lunch isn’t one of them. That’s a family day.

If it's something serious and not for child ears, then a busy pub for Sunday lunch is an odd choice of venue. Equally when the OP asked about it, he should have said he had some news to share but didn't want to do it in front of the kids.

No issues with us having adult meals without our kids, but Sunday lunch is not one of those times. Also, can't imagine you'll be overrun with babysitters available on Easter Sunday at lunchtime either.

It’s nice to go out without kids once in a while.

I wouldn't mind any other time but wouldn't be leaving them on Easter and wound tell him that.

Just say no. Tell him no childcare available on Easter Sunday, so the children either come with you (meaning a different pub from this wanky gastro place) or you won't be going.

Even if childcare was available, I wouldn't be going to a family meal in the middle of the day without my children anyway.

My first reaction is that he might be wanting to tell your family something that would be harder to discuss in front of the childten. Because it is day time I would be calling him to today and saying that because it is daytime and the venue allows children then you will only agree to get a sitter if it's because he has something serious yo discuss. If he responds, 'no nothing like that', I would be saying so no reason to exclude the kids and put you to extra expense.

Txt him “ahhh, bless you, don’t even worry about it, I will be very relaxed” and leave it there.
He is very very unreasonable and selfish, and tbh it’s too late to change plans like this. Don’t give him upper hand, go and enjoy yourself and ignore his selfish behavior.

No.
Its Easter Sunday !

What a ridiculous request. Is he paying for the whole meal or something. Honestly What’s it got to do with him.
Perhaps he could book himself a table on his own instead

A family Easter meal is surely the same as family Christmas meal, not like you can ask the kids to sit that one out, so you shouldn’t at Easter either. Also sounds as if you see him quite often without kids.

Is he the Golden child?

Easter means nothing to me so this request wouldn’t bother me. If your kids are the only ones there then I can understand why

Kids are annoying. No matter how well behaved you think they are it's perfectly reasonable to ask you to join him for a kid free lunch in a nice place. It's also perfectly reasonable for you to decline if you don't want to go without kids. Noone is right or wrong