Brother wants me to get a sitter for a family meal.

[ThatRubyMoose]

Tell me truthfully, would you be willing to get a sitter for your children for a family meal during the day?

My brother wants to go to a gastro pub on Easter Sunday (where children are allowed) and asked me if my daughters could ‘sit this one out’. They are very well behaved. I get the dynamic changes when there are kids but FFS.

I have no issues whatsoever in getting my girls 4 and 9 sat. My mother usually does it and more recently a neighbour’s teenager.

I see my brother often and will pop into see him as where he works has a canteen so he sees me on my own quite often and he also has lots of opportunities to see my mum.

I am really hurt and annoyed.

If it was his birthday and he wanted a boozy evening meal out then sure, but Easter Sunday lunch?!

Easter weekend is a time for family, including the kids.

Just say no, you're not prepared to leave the kids on a bank holiday. That's family time.

If he doesn't like it, sit this one out.

I'd have laughed in his face.

Have you asked him what the reason is for this? You need to communicate. I would also tell him it isn't appropriate for Easter Sunday, your dcs are an important part of all holidays, and need to be there too.
Is your db usually controlling, telling you what to do with YOUR children?

I wouldn't. It's a weird request for an event on a kid-oriented holiday at a family-friendly time and venue. And much more money for you to fork out for a lunch too. Why does he need to relax more? Is he the one running after the kids (not that a 4yo and 9yo need much running after)?

I'd just skip the lunch this time.

Some families do a big lunch. My inlaws do this. My family didn’t. But my mum was still hiding eggs in the garden when all of her kids were in their 20’s and it was awesome. It’s a family day. To exclude kids from Easter lunch is just cruel.

Easter Sunday is a family/ kids day.
if he wants a gastro pub experience maybe go out one Sat Eve instead later x

I’d offer to have them all at mine for lunch.

Makes it cheaper for you. I describe myself as 2 people mum me and myself. If out with the kids I'm mum. If I'm out without kids I'm me and I don't get to be me much

If he hasn't got kids, then likely he wants adult company and a conversation without distraction. Which is fair enough, but Easter Sunday is a family day. We're having lunch for 14 and I've got a mountain of games for the kids to play. Can you offer to go Monday instead?

It's Easter. That's a time for family, ime. I'd be annoyed at anyone wanting to exclude children (especially well-behaved children) from a family lunch on Easter.

Then my reply would be “if my children stress you out so much you can’t relax, then we will all stay away. I want to spend Easter with my kids more than I want to spend it with you”

Is he a bit jealous of the attention your mum gives them?

There must be a reason. You say your young children are well behaved..maybe he doesn't think so. Maybe he has reasons . Rather than post here you should ask and perhaps suggest you have this adult themed meal at another time if there is no good reason to exclude your children.

I don't especially enjoy going out to eat with people's younger kids, but even I think your brother's being unreasonable here. If it was an evening meal for someone's birthday or something, fine - but it's Easter Sunday lunch! That's a celebration for the whole family, and I would never expect someone not to bring kids to it. If the kids were the kind that won't sit down and will behave badly then I'd suggest a different type of celebration rather than book a gastropub - but that's irrelevant in your case as you've said your kids can sit nicely for a meal.

The only reason I can think of that your brother might have made this suggestion - do you give your kids an iPad to watch stuff at the table, without headphones? If so, that might be the issue as that is something that does drive other diners nuts. But if not, it's hard to know what the hell his problem is.

Very weird request.

I wouldn't describe it as a family meal if you are not allowed to have your family there! You get a sitter for a Saturday night out, not Easter Sunday lunch!!

Just say no. Very very simple.

It's not Easter Sunday he's asking ...it's Easter Monday. The op has clarified. She either says yes or no. It doesn't matter. He's perfectly entitled to ask for a child free lunch

Definately 'entitled.'

I don't think he's unreasonable. Is there ever a day or a time which isn't "family time"?

Tbh that expression sets my teeth on edge. There's something insufferably smug about it.

I don't think it matters whether it's Sunday or Monday. And I think if he wants a child-free meal he should have it a) not during the Easter long weekend and b) not at lunchtime. And I speak as a childless woman who largely dislikes kids. I'd never do this in a million years. (Also, my mum would be gutted if her grandkids weren't at a family lunch like that.)

Than he can have that outside of a bank holiday family occasion. It's rude.

Is there ever a day or a time which isn't "family time"?

Yes, pretty much any other day or time than Easter and Christmas lunch and Mother's/Father's Day, I'd say.

For example, I wouldn't expect kids to be invited to a New Year's Eve party or to cocktails for someone's 40th birthday. I would expect them to be invited to a family lunch on Easter Monday.

Db can have a child free meal whenever he wants, doesn't need to be for Easter.