Brother wants me to get a sitter for a family meal.

[ThatRubyMoose]

Tell me truthfully, would you be willing to get a sitter for your children for a family meal during the day?

My brother wants to go to a gastro pub on Easter Sunday (where children are allowed) and asked me if my daughters could ‘sit this one out’. They are very well behaved. I get the dynamic changes when there are kids but FFS.

I have no issues whatsoever in getting my girls 4 and 9 sat. My mother usually does it and more recently a neighbour’s teenager.

I see my brother often and will pop into see him as where he works has a canteen so he sees me on my own quite often and he also has lots of opportunities to see my mum.

I am really hurt and annoyed.

I clicked YABU by mistake. YANBU. If it were an evening meal or someone’s birthday lunch I’d understand, but there’s no need to exclude children from a family lunch at Easter.

Easter is family time as far as I’m concerned.

If DB needs adult only time he’s going to need to pick a day and time that isn’t already reserved for family. A week day evening meal, for instance. I’m not sending my kids off to a sitter when I should be enjoying their company and celebrating with them.

If the kids weren’t particularly well behaved in restaurants then I wouldn’t entertain plans for a semi-fancy restaurant meal with them. But I’d be looking to do something else with them, not dump them on somebody and go off for an Easter lunch without them.

Has the OP clarified whether it is Sunday or Monday. Although I don’t think that matters as it is over the Easter break. So would be the same as having a family lunch on Boxing Day (again would you exclude kids)

I would definitely say no, I'm not prepared to leave them out of a family lunch. I would ask why - it's really quite hard to guess from the info you've given, and you clearly don't know. Better if you can understand where he's coming from.

He’s perfectly entitled to ask, after all it sounds like he’s doing the inviting and hosting. If the OP doesn’t want to go then she can just say no. There’s no need for the insults towards this man. All he’s done is made a request.

it is very funny to see childfree (and to be honest we don’t know he is) people being called childish on a thread full of indigent parents coming up with some very childish responses.

I would just tell him that you’re kids are a part of the family and you want to spend the holidays with them because what parent wouldn’t?

Yes, is db a telling people what to do with their children/giving unsolicited advice type? Does he base what you should do on his hypothetical children? Or is this out of character op and completely unexpected? More information needed.

This is it for me. Is this a family meal, as in the whole family (your parents etc?) getting together for Easter and he expects your kids not to be there? Why?

Would he also prefer you got a sitter for your kids on Christmas Day? If he prefers special occasion family meal time to include only his chosen family (ie, everyone but your kids) that says a lot to me. Having occasions without the kids is fine but a family meal for Easter shouldn’t be one of them, fucking surely.

I wondered this too, if it was my dm, she would be upset if her grandchildren weren't at something like this. Why is he controlling the meal? Is he paying?

Easter Sunday is family time , can you ask him why he wants it child free ?
chances are you won’t get a sitter as they will be with their families

Just say no. A sitter for an evening meal is one thing, but I wouldn’t ditch my kids for a big chunk in the the middle of a day over Easter. Plan to do something else with them and leave him to it.

Not for Easter Sunday, no. Possibly for lunch on another day. I do have some sympathy with people who don't have kids wanting to see their adult family without kids, and I don't necessarily think that should be limited to evenings.

It's Monday.

I mean there is nothing wrong with him asking to arrange an adult only meal. You’re also not wrong to refuse.

Doesn’t he realise a children welcome pub will be stuffed with wee ones on Easter Monday lunch?!

The OP says Easter Sunday.

My inlaws always ask this, I refuse to attend any and all events now, my DP goes alone.

OP followed up with

Mid afternoon on Easter Monday. An old, listed pub has been reopened. A family welcome venue.

I've no issue with child free catch ups but not during the day on the Easter weekend

I mean another table having children wouldn’t change my conversation compared to children at my table.

Another table with children wouldn’t make me feel like I needed to help keep an eye on them or have our conversation interrupted as they needed an adults help with something.

Honestly? I don't mean this harshly, just that I think a lot of times parents of younger children have tuned them out: do your girls interrupt conversation regularly? Or do they generally occupy themselves? Try to be honest with yourself here. He might not be suggesting 'behaviour issues', he might just be saying that it would be nice to be able to speak in full sentences and have those sentences responded to by an adult without them having to stop and explain something, or stop and fetch something, or stop and respond to something they've thought of which absolutely needs to be said right this moment, or stop and look at the thing they're drawn. etc.

When I was in the middle of that phase, I just accepted it because obviously there isn't much avoiding it. But I could empathise with someone who might want to visit without all of that.

Now that I've said all of that: maybe suggest that an Easter daytime family meal isn't the time for this suggestion, but that you'd be on board with getting together sometime soon without your girls so you can catch up properly?

So one past says Sunday another says Monday so we don't know which is right.

Ah right, I missed that. Not sure which one OP means. Either way not unreasonable for OP not to want to do it.

No, but it'll not be a quiet experience!

If it's a family thing, isn't your mum invited?

Easter Sunday or Monday is a strange day to do this!