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AIBU?

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Original poster

18 year old son driving me to depression

214 replies

YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:46

He left school last summer. No joy finding a job. No friends, doesn't leave house. Doesnt think to do anything in house unless asked to. Can't find any courses he's interested in. Literally has no interest in doing anything. Has piled weight on. I have no idea what to do. He isn't depressed. What do I do kick him out?

OP posts:
BarneyRonson · 09/04/2025 13:48

He is depressed.

DenholmElliot11 · 09/04/2025 13:48

What on earth does he do all day? What’s he living on?

Dartmoorcheffy · 09/04/2025 13:49

Do you give him money? Wash his clothes? Feed him?

I would be telling him he gets a job and pays his way or he moves out.

LaPalmaLlama · 09/04/2025 13:49

What did he get in school? Did he get A-levels/ Btecs?

EternalSunshine25 · 09/04/2025 13:49

What does he do for money?

Chungai · 09/04/2025 13:51

Does he spend a lot of time on his phone / screens?

Astrak · 09/04/2025 13:51

Would he consider you both going to your GP practice for a consultation? I think that it's quite difficult to diagnose low mood/depression if you haven't either experienced it (I have, and have come out the other side with a mix of counselling, psychotherapy and medication). It took a lot of hard work.

I view it as rage turned inward.

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/04/2025 13:52

he sounds very depressed to me, I would take him to the doctor if he will go

Zizi444 · 09/04/2025 13:52

I don't think I could kick him out but maybe time for some tough love? What does he do for money? What does he do all day? Maybe interrupting things for him and making his life uncomfortable - no money, no xbox no cooking for him or washing his clothes? Have a good calm chat about where he is heading and how it's not ok or fair not to contribute.

madnessitellyou · 09/04/2025 13:52

I think I’d tell him he’s got three months to sort himself out, whether that’s with a job or a course, and if that doesn’t happen, he needs to go.

Assume you are funding all of this?

He might well be depressed, however, as it sounds like he has no purpose.

wordywitch · 09/04/2025 13:54

I wouldn’t kick him out, assuming he has nowhere else to go. Making him homeless is hardly going to help his mental state.

What does he say when you talk to him about this? My daughter sounds a little similar - not knowing what she wants to do, not going out much, putting weight on - but she has always worked so at least has money and gets out of the house for a few hours a day. Her issue was social anxiety and a few years ago depression, though she’s doing much better now mentally.

Have a heart to heart with your son and tell him your concerns in a loving way and see what his response is. He might be feeling lost and need a bit of guidance, or he might need a bit of a kick up the bum. Either way, something has to change.

Comedycook · 09/04/2025 13:55

Agree with PPS, he sounds depressed.

What qualifications does he have? If he doesn't want a job, are there any college courses he would be interested in?

PaintDecisions · 09/04/2025 13:57

Get him signed on for Universal Credit. They can do the support he needs to get into work.

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:58

DenholmElliot11 · 09/04/2025 13:48

What on earth does he do all day? What’s he living on?

Nothing gaming mainly. He doesn't need anything i buy food toiletries. He has 6k savings. Inheritance he was gifted.

OP posts:
PaintDecisions · 09/04/2025 13:58

Get him signed on for Universal Credit. They can do the support he needs to get into work.

steff13 · 09/04/2025 13:58

It sounds like he's depressed. Has he spoken to a doctor about it?

YesHonestly · 09/04/2025 13:58

He is depressed.

Don’t bloody kick him out, talk to him, help him!

ChickenJockey · 09/04/2025 13:58

Seriously what do you think will happen to him if you kick him out? That he’ll be able to afford private rented place at ££££’s? Miraculously find a job with a wage he can live on? Are you aware of the homeless epidemic in this Country? I volunteer in a homeless shelter and it’s not the place I’d want any 18 year old to be!

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:59

Dartmoorcheffy · 09/04/2025 13:49

Do you give him money? Wash his clothes? Feed him?

I would be telling him he gets a job and pays his way or he moves out.

I don't give him money he has no need for any. He does have 6k inheritance. Yes I feed him, do his washing,

OP posts:
MellowPinkDeer · 09/04/2025 14:00

YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 13:59

I don't give him money he has no need for any. He does have 6k inheritance. Yes I feed him, do his washing,

Show quote history

It will take no time at all to spend £6k he needs a job and a kick up the bum!

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:00

LaPalmaLlama · 09/04/2025 13:49

What did he get in school? Did he get A-levels/ Btecs?

A levels done very well.

OP posts:
Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:01

EternalSunshine25 · 09/04/2025 13:49

What does he do for money?

He doesn't spend any. I buy food and toiletries. He has 6k in bank.

OP posts:
SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 09/04/2025 14:01

Yes I feed him, do his washing,

Why?

Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:02

Chungai · 09/04/2025 13:51

Does he spend a lot of time on his phone / screens?

Plays PlayStation

OP posts:
Original poster
YawnSoTired · 09/04/2025 14:03

Astrak · 09/04/2025 13:51

Would he consider you both going to your GP practice for a consultation? I think that it's quite difficult to diagnose low mood/depression if you haven't either experienced it (I have, and have come out the other side with a mix of counselling, psychotherapy and medication). It took a lot of hard work.

I view it as rage turned inward.

Thank you for the kindness. Yes I will chat to him.

OP posts: