Right, time to get him to contribute
start with chores. He’s an adult. He does his win washing of clothes, sheets towels etc. and his own ironing. Do not do it for him. Do not even suggest he does it. Talk to him to say this is how often washing needs doing, re underwear, sheets etc . Then say he can figur3 it out in terms of washing labels, machine instructions. Give him a day of week he gets to use machine, washing line so it doesn’t interfere with your washing.
then he needs to cook in turn. Depedning on number of adults in house. If just 2 of you, then 3 nights a week. If 3 of you 2 nights a week. Write a menu out each week. Shop for it , then tell him what he’s making. And get a recipe. Sure, he’ll make errors if not used to cooking, but he will learn.
then he needs to clean. Cleaning bathroom once per week on given day. And kitchen after he has cooked each time , and cleaning kitchen floor at least one other time per week. Totally responsible for cleaning his bedroom..and he can take a turn at hallway/stars every other week.
then dustbins and recycling now gets to be his job.
as does sweeping your yard spaces. And if you’ve grass he’s now on grass mowing duty once per week till late autumn.
assign him tasks
givechim choice- he either does these. Proactively. Or he plans to leave home in 6 weeks and fend for himself. He can ask for help and guidance to begin with, but most things can be learnt on YouTube .
he also needs to sign on , or whatever term is nowadays. As much as anything he needs to start NI credits for future pension. ANY money he earns or gets as benefits (if he qualifies at all) , whilst living at home goes 50% to you, until he is covering what it costs fr his keep.
and while you’re at it, sit him down and go through your budget with him around what bills are and food, and other stuff you seem so willing to cover now with “no costs” to him. Say this is what he is contributing to, and expected to pay his fair share .
agian if he refuses to register as unemployed and not in training, then he has 6 weeks to find somewhere else to live. Any money he does contribute, ifvyou csn afford it, stick it in a saver and return to him at age 30 or when he ants to buy a house when he has established a life for himself and money to support himself. Don’t tell him that now.
make life difficult for him to sit on his arse and play games all day. If needed turn off the damn internet for certain hours during day. So he has to do something else.
I appreciate he may have depression. But we know that fresh air, walking (or more specifically moving on 2 legs) helps with depression. As does having something that has to be done that isn’t too stressful …so housework and exercise is name of game.
I’d also be saying he will not be hit with a lightbulb moment of knowing what he wants to do. And we can’t always choose. The priority is to earn some m9ney, or enter training and move forwards. Start modest. Jus5 something. If it isn’t the right thing, he moves somewhere else knowing he’s at least eliminated some aspects of work he doesn’t like, sitting on his backsid3 playing games is avoidance. It’s comfortable. He’s just hoping magic fairies will solve it. They won’t. He needs to face his fears by informing himself. Say you will support him whilst moving form job to job whilst he finds out more what aspects of work he likes, and gradually figures out what he does want to do. Agian set a clear expectation that he has 1 month of work in next 3 months . Agian if he won’t do this then say he needs to move out then, or seek mental health support through all these bloody marvellous new schemes government is supposedly setting upto prevent lads like him becoming a NEET . (🙄🤷♀️)
You have to push him. He’s getting away form doing anything right now. If this continues you’ll have a 30 year old waster sittin* in your house, or someone else’s house who thinks it’s optional to fend for themselves to survive as an adult. And he’ll loose valuable years when employers will look more favourably on periods of jumping or missing employment records. You aren’t helping him at all here in long run. Time for some tough love.