18 year old son driving me to depression

[YawnSoTired]

He left school last summer. No joy finding a job. No friends, doesn't leave house. Doesnt think to do anything in house unless asked to. Can't find any courses he's interested in. Literally has no interest in doing anything. Has piled weight on. I have no idea what to do. He isn't depressed. What do I do kick him out?

Thank you

Did he have plans when he was doing his A Levels? And then dropped them? Or never had any plans at all?

He's never had firm plans. Always said he would find a job first when he left school then think about what he wanted to do. He doesn't know yet what he wants to do. Applies for jobs and hears nothing back. Can't see anything at college he wants to do.

Did he get any guidance from school after he
did A levels? If he did well I would have thought the obvious next step would be uni. Why hasn’t he pursued that? Does he need support and discussion around what he wants to do in life?

Also like a pp said he could apply for universal credit and he would be encouraged to get a job. I know a young person in this situation where two interviews were arranged and she got both jobs and is doing very well now.

He could volunteer or do something like dogwalking - anything to get him off screens and out interacting with real people or exercising. Apply for an apprenticeship. What does he want to do?
Gaming all day and night is wasting his life away in a parallel universe.

Why not uni if he did well at A level and he doesn’t know what to do and he can’t get a job anyway?

Don't do his washing or cook for him. He is an adult with all the time in the world.

Is he academic or practical? Why didn't he go to uni after A-levels? Would a practical, vocational college course suit him better?

presumably because she is his mother and cares about him?

Yes but sometimes tough love is needed. At the moment, doing these things for him is enabling him and is not in his best interests.

Maybe you could advise on a suitable course for someone who has no idea what they want to do. He is academic.

To do what course?

You know him best op ...if he's academic then perhaps a practical type course wouldn't be suitable. Maybe he should look into going to uni? Was it discussed during his A-levels?

Cut his luxuries as access to internet and a mobile phone . Sorry if there is no reason for him to not work or study then he mends a kick up his backside

What are his A-levels in?

Yes I know it really is a waste. Thank you for the suggestions

I have two sons, they are 6 and 11. They make dinners and do their washing.. sort of with help. But at 18 I would fully expect them to be functioning independantly of me even if living at home.
My mum stopped doing my washing when I was about 14, stopped completely. Gave me a washing bin for my clothes and I could use the machines and washing powders
As for meals, he should be doing equal share of all cooking.
He should also contribute equally to the cleaning in the house
You should not buy treats, snacks or anything specifically for him, if he wanta stuff like that he should get a job, any job and then go from there.

If he enjoys gaming would he like a career in game development? Do you think that might be of interest to him?

As he seems to have little motivation he might very well be depressed

Or perhaps he should look at volunteering so at least his CV looks more full

His plan was to work for a year then see where life took him then he would maybe have a better idea of what he wanted to do. We stupidly assumed this is what would happen.

Thank you great idea

Thank you I think this is a great plan I will have a good chat with him shortly. He's mowing the grass just now for me.

If there a local career office you could try getting him there.

It what DD2 friend mother had to do in end for her eldest DD in exact same position.

Otherwise - what subjects is he interested in - any college course - any OU ones he could try - they do a few short ones and he could still look for work and do work round them.

This sounds incredibly difficult for you but no, you definitely don't kick you son out when he needs you the most. He might legally be an adult but that doesn't give him an overnight ability to manage on his own if he's struggling.

What's led up to this? Failure to launch doesn't appear out of nowhere. There must have been something that's been brewing for a while and escalating gradually.

Has he struggled with mental health issues in the past? Trauma? ND? Social anxiety?

I agree with PP that a GP appointment would be a good first step. Focus on yourself also and see a counsellor if you can afford it.

Game development is not the best career choice. It's actually a brutal industry.

How about doing a CyberSecurity degree? It's a growth sector, has a well defined career path up to C-Level roles and pays well.

Thank you. I think he does have social anxiety I think a chat with a gp would help. This is exactly the advice I was seeking I don't claim to be mum if the year and want to help him.