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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I greedy, or was my friend out of order?

218 replies

SummaLuvin · 06/04/2025 08:36

Went out to dinner last night with a group friends (8 of us in total some single some with partners) all lovely, great to have a catch up. One of them, Milly, is a bit difficult at times, but she is part of the group and can be thoughtful and great fun. When it came to ordering puds some of the group got one, some didn’t, DH and I decided to get the sharing plate with 3 mini desserts. For clarity we always split the bill based on what we ordered. When our dessert was put down between DH and me with 2 spoons, Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert. I was a bit shocked as this wasn’t discussed. Then cue Milly, who couldn’t reach the plate saying “oooh banoffee is my favourite dessert, I really love it…” I of course made sure I ate that up so she didn’t get a look in, but let her have some of the strawberry cheesecake which I wasn’t fussed on. I generally see myself as quite laid back but felt this behaviour was pretty outrageous and not on, but given she was so brash about it I wondered if maybe I was uptight and greedy?

OP posts:
WhatAPrettyHouse · 06/04/2025 08:37

Cheeky bitch!

You should have intervened when she asked for another spoon.

Katemax82 · 06/04/2025 08:37

She should have ordered her own or asked before demanding she share your desert

Loopytiles · 06/04/2025 08:38

Milly was rude.

No need for the background in your OP about her being difficult.

Cerialkiller · 06/04/2025 08:38

Did she pay for part of your dessert? She's a CF anyway for assuming she could have some and you should have told her to piss off!

No you aren't greedy, yes she is put of order.

HelenWheels · 06/04/2025 08:39

she was totally ignorant

CherubEarrings · 06/04/2025 08:41

She is a CF. Did she pay for the desert?

Buttonknot · 06/04/2025 08:41

She was out of order, if she wanted to share a dessert with someone she should have said so when you were discussing whether to get desserts or not.

Bikergran · 06/04/2025 08:42

SummaLuvin · 06/04/2025 08:36

Went out to dinner last night with a group friends (8 of us in total some single some with partners) all lovely, great to have a catch up. One of them, Milly, is a bit difficult at times, but she is part of the group and can be thoughtful and great fun. When it came to ordering puds some of the group got one, some didn’t, DH and I decided to get the sharing plate with 3 mini desserts. For clarity we always split the bill based on what we ordered. When our dessert was put down between DH and me with 2 spoons, Milly (who was sat next to us) said to the waitress “can we have another spoon please”. One for her to also tuck into our dessert. I was a bit shocked as this wasn’t discussed. Then cue Milly, who couldn’t reach the plate saying “oooh banoffee is my favourite dessert, I really love it…” I of course made sure I ate that up so she didn’t get a look in, but let her have some of the strawberry cheesecake which I wasn’t fussed on. I generally see myself as quite laid back but felt this behaviour was pretty outrageous and not on, but given she was so brash about it I wondered if maybe I was uptight and greedy?

No, absolutely not, my immediate reaction would have been to say "Oi! Get your own, this is ours." Try to muscle in on my dessert? Never!!! Don't sit next to her again.

TheaBrandt1 · 06/04/2025 08:42

You should have just said “joey doesn’t share food”!

Dawnchorussinging · 06/04/2025 08:42

I don't understand when she asked for the extra spoon why you just didn't make it clear the sharing plate was just for you and your DH.

Changingplace · 06/04/2025 08:43

That’s really weird of your friend, she should’ve ordered her own.

Moonnstars · 06/04/2025 08:44

I don't understand why you didn't say something. 'Milly I am not sure who's dessert you are sharing, but it's not the one I ordered with DH. If you now fancy dessert I am sure you can order your own'.

ArtyFartyHippopotamus · 06/04/2025 08:45

She was totally out of order. It’s Ok to share with a partner, but did you really want a third person putting the spoon in her mouth and then back in the desserts. I would have told her a flat “No”. Covid is still around as are other viruses. Sounds pretty unhygienic.

Moonnstars · 06/04/2025 08:45

Also how did she even manage to get to the dessert if it's between you and your DH? Was she leaning all over one of you?!

ARainyNightInSoho · 06/04/2025 08:46

HelenWheels · 06/04/2025 08:39

she was totally ignorant

Ignorant = does not know something eg. I am ignorant about economics

It does not mean rude.

HelenWheels · 06/04/2025 08:47

ARainyNightInSoho · 06/04/2025 08:46

Ignorant = does not know something eg. I am ignorant about economics

It does not mean rude.

i do know that

why disagree with my opinion like this?

SootherSue · 06/04/2025 08:49

You were far too restrained. If she tried that with me she'd have left with a fork through her hand.

FvhgvgghhNC · 06/04/2025 08:49

I can’t imagine ever being as rude as your friend, that’s really weird behaviour on her part and completely lacking in social awareness.
If anyone was greedy it was her trying to steal food that wasn’t hers and that she hadn’t paid for!

SummaLuvin · 06/04/2025 08:51
  • no she didn't pay, or suggest paying anything towards the dessert
  • I didn't say anything in the moment as I was so shocked, because it seemed so bold and she did it in a casual way I started to wonder if maybe I was being uptight. She can be sensitive too, and I didn't want to be abrupt and change the mood for everyone else given we don't see each other anywhere near enough!
  • regarding sharing food I don't always mind, like if I have some onion rings I'm more than happy to offer some around, but that's me offering, not someone presuming. But maybe that's why she thought it would be fine?
  • I mention her being difficult as I thought the context was relevant, perhaps it colours my view of the situation as I might be quicker to tire of her behaviour than my other friends.
  • She got to the dessert when I move the plate for her to have some of the strawberry cheesecake (that DH & I weren't fond of). The banoffee and chocolate mousse were out of her reach and we polished those off ourselves. But I believe she was angling for more to be shared than she got, especially with her making comments about how much she loves banoffee, unlucky for her it's my favourite too
OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 06/04/2025 08:51

I'd have said, "Why are you ordering a spoon when you haven't ordered a dessert? What are you planning to do with it?"

sharkanado · 06/04/2025 08:53

It does not mean rude.

Thank you, why has this become a thing!

sharkanado · 06/04/2025 08:54

why disagree with my opinion like this?

😆😆

ConnieHeart · 06/04/2025 08:54

TheaBrandt1 · 06/04/2025 08:42

You should have just said “joey doesn’t share food”!

Unless it's OH of course 😊

Teanbiscuits33 · 06/04/2025 08:55

ARainyNightInSoho · 06/04/2025 08:46

Ignorant = does not know something eg. I am ignorant about economics

It does not mean rude.

Then therefore she was ignorant because she either does not understand the expected etiquette around other people’s food and can’t read cues, or she doesn’t care and therefore ignored any indication she was being rude.

You should have opened your mouth and said something, OP, I get that it might have felt awkward but something polite and to the point would have done. ‘’Sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding, I ordered this for me and DH, but I’m sure the waitress can take your order now if you fancy a dessert?’’

Mudkipper · 06/04/2025 08:57

HelenWheels · 06/04/2025 08:39

she was totally ignorant

I don’t think you know what ‘ignorant’ means, ironically.